Realistic New Year’s Resolutions Part Deux

Starting and keeping New Year's Resolutions is hard. Almost as hard as actually just coming up with good ones. So this year I want to save you the trouble and give you some great ideas for resolutions that might actually be obtainable with what should be minimal work.

What? I did something like this 6 years ago? That would explain the "Part Deux" in my title, wouldn't it? The thing is, this "Part Deux" is a little different than "Part Un" because back then it was more about resolutions for me where this time these resolutions are for you. Yes! Even you!

So not only will I give you some resolution ideas, but sometimes I will go as far as telling you how best to accomplish them. But that's it, I'm not going any further than that! And only sometimes! I have my own things to work on. Gahhh! Anyway, let's begin:

1. Let's start simple: lose just 1 pound. This can be easily accomplished by going to any place that will do a currency exchange, bringing about $1.27 American (at the time of writing this), and exchange that for 1 British Pound. Then lose that pound somewhere. Boom. You've lost a pound.
2. Since it's so tough to go the gym, change it up and go to the Jim. Simply find someone named Jim and go to them. Now you can say you go to the Jim! Pro tip: Make it a weekly visit so you can say "I go to the Jim at least once a week!"
3. Get rid of all those plastic bags you'll know you'll never use. I mean, sure you need a few, but to be hoarding $8.83 worth of plastic bags is just too much. (This resolution has more meaning if you live in Cook County.)
4. Take up a new hobby, like buying groceries and making meals out of them. Doing this taught me that there are literally tens of different meal possibilities out there. Tens I say!
5. *This one is for me but feel free to use it* Attempt to start a monthly Shabbat meal with my siblings and their significant others. Trying to do a Shabbat meal with their in-significant others just proves to be awkward.
6. At least once a month go out somewhere nice and dress to the nines! Or even just to 8.5 and round up.
7. Learn something new each day by allowing yourself to go into a YouTube hole every morning for 30 minutes. (This should differ from what you are already doing by accidentally going into a YouTube hole every morning for 30 minutes … where you learn nothing. Good day sir!)
8. Cut calories throughout 2019. It might seem difficult but it can easily be accomplished by using scissors to cut off and discard a piece of everything you eat.
9. Be more grateful. By this I mean buy a cheese grater and use it lot. It's a great stress relief tool to grate and then eat cheese.
10. Keep a journal where you write just one sentence a day. It could be as simple as writing, "This is my one sentence of the day!"
11. Make more time for yourself. This can be done by constantly flying on airplanes that are traveling west. For example, flying from Chicago to Hawaii gives you a 29-hour day!
12. Listen more. I find the easiest way to do this is get a blindfold so you have to focus on your hearing to get around.
13. Get rid of any emotional baggage you may have. Find out which piece of luggage you own angers you the most and then throwing it out.
14. Reconnect with neglected friends and family. To do this, just try unplugging, waiting 10 seconds, and then plugging the relationship back in again. Simple, effective, easy.
15. Make more positive changes. The new tactic to try for this is to multiply two of your negative changes together to come up with one positive change. It's practically foolproof. As well as mathproof.
16. Save more money. The most exciting way to do this is by tying a roll of quarters to some train tracks. Then right before a train comes, ride in on a horse and grab the quarters at the last second! Not only have you saved the money, but it's also exhilarating!
17. Read more Oy!Chicago. This one explains itself.

And there you have it! Your 2019 inspiration for realistic New Year's resolutions. Now I'm going to go focus on my own resolutions. Which are what, you ask? Oh, nothing that crazy. I just want to develop a better sleep schedule, learn how to manipulate the atoms in my body so I can walk through walls and travel more. Nothing big.