How I’m Going to End Singledom

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I've decided that I'm going to end the singles epidemic of our generation. Single handedly.

It's quite simple. Why don't we just make an app that allows single people to see each other (because online pictures are a flawless gage of who's best suited for you), not have to talk to anyone (because dialogue always gets in the way of true love and connection), and just swipe left or right if you feel this is or isn't the one (because what more is dating than the romantic equivalent of Pokémon Go?).

Wait, someone's already done that? Oh, okay. On to Plan B for reversing the singles epidemic in one fell swoop. Speed dating? Nope. Bar night? Nope. Matchmaking? Nope.

"Well, what is it?!" you so kindly ask. It's a workshop. A singles workshop.

I call it, "Finding and Keeping the Love You Want" (nothing to do with the book from the '80s, but I love the title …). Give me 30 seconds to explain, okay?

Whether you're a man or woman, extroverted, introverted, trying the bar scene, trying dating apps, trying singles events, or resigned to just staying at home, everyone is struggling with dating in the 21st century. I feel your pain. I want to help you.

Besides being a rabbi who works with young professionals, I wear the hat of marriage and family therapist. I've trained under some of the best couples therapists of our time, including Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen. I now work exclusively with couples, most of whom come to me on the verge of divorce, carrying a lot of animosity between them. They are feeling lonely, unheard, and unloved in their relationship. Through research-based techniques (see www.iceeft.com for details), we slowly build the trust and bond between them.

Over time, I have realized that the pain couples are going through and the disconnect they are feeling with their spouse is not so different from the pain a single person goes through in the search for a significant other. And many of the tools and techniques that have been fine-tuned for couples can be slightly tweaked to service the singles community, people also in search of meaningful connection to find and keep the love they want.

When I asked my teachers and mentors if anyone had ever applied these concepts to the singles world, they told me no and offered me strong words of encouragement to make it happen.

Perhaps you see where I'm going with this. I have put together the first ever singles workshop. (First? Well, first of its kind.) "Finding and Keeping the Love You Want" (i.e., Plan B) is a two-hour workshop scheduled to debut on Sunday, August 21 at 3 p.m. It's for everyone who is feeling frustrated with the singles system, unable to interpret the confusing cloud of relationships, and is seeking a way out to fresh air of understanding and connection. If you'd like to join us, you can register here.

Blessings of love and connection to all.


Joshua Marder photo 375
Voted #1 Skydiving Rabbi of 1997, Josh joined the Peace Corp in 1998 working with Indonesian youth in Russia for three years. After realizing there wasn't much hope (nor population to work with), he moved on to write English textbooks in Japan for ... Read More



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