OyChicago blog

In the same week, Charlie Sheen (born named Carlos Irwin Estévez, according to IMDB) declared he’s Jewish, and there’s been talk of a possible McDonald’s “McWinning” menu item in Sheen’s honor in time for St. Patrick’s Day. I am for once, without words. I lied—I have many.

You can check the latest app, The Charlie Sheen Jewish Name Generator, via the Jerusalem Post. And, according to OK Magazine, Sheen re-tweeted the idea of a “McWinning” sandwich. All trash news? Yes. While I love a good ‘ol game of Jewish geography as much as the next gal, the process of tracing Sheen’s Heeb lineage through a barrage of ridiculous entertainment links on Google makes my head spin and makes me slightly nauseated.

According to Google search result numbers, Charlie Sheen is getting searched about 15 million times more than the tsunami in Japan. Let’s pause and soak that in.

I'm a bit fermished. We just had daylight savings, it’s nearly spring and I’m having trouble finding the sunshine and a sense of equilibrium amidst political unrest at home and in the Middle East as well as natural and man-made disasters in Asia, which have real consequences.

In the meantime, Sheen is “winning” his way straight to the bank after throwing an incoherent fit about wanting a few more million from CBS executives, and is making it repetitively unclear why he’s watch-able and interesting on broadcast interview after broadcast interview. And yet, we continue to watch. He’s already amassed more than 2 million followers on Twitter and his touring show, "My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option Show," scheduled to drop by the Chicago Theatre April 3, is sold out, according to the Chicago Tribune.

Let’s face it: Sheen has always been a letch. In my opinion, he peaked during his “Hot Shots” film days in the 1990s.  But, people are still taking great interest in his not-so-grandiose fall, just as Americans watched in awe when Britney Spears went a little bonkers and shaved her head, or when Kelly Bensimon might or might not have had a meltdown on the Real Housewives of New York City last year.

Why do we like to watch semi-talented super stars plummet to their publicity deaths? Does it make them a bit more human and give us a little elitist gratification? Perhaps watching Sheen’s tsunami of self-destruction is gratifying in the way that a Jersey Shore or Kardashians’ marathon is gratifying; it makes us feel a little smarter and a little more in control of the world.

How do we process all that has transpired in the world this year? Watch another episode of Jersey Shore? Volunteer? Protest on capital steps? Hope this is the calm after the storm?

Oy, world…is it spring yet?

“A man is obligated to imbibe on Purim until he can no longer distinguish between ‘Cursed is Haman’ and ‘Blessed is Mordechai.’” – the Talmud

Ah, the Hebrew month of Adar. Adar is quite the month, with its most notable celebration being the holiday of Purim, commemorating the deliverance of the Jewish people in ancient Persia from an annihilation plot by Haman, the Wicked One. Today, we celebrate by reading the Book of Esther, giving charity to the poor, drinking, eating and wearing awesome costumes, among other things.

It’s one of my favorite and most memorable holidays as a kid for many reasons, especially being able to dress up in costumes and cranking the noisemakers as loud as possible, annoying my siblings and parents. Then there was the hamentashen, which brings back memories of the song “Three Corners,” which I used to sing with my classmates, and the delivering of these tasty treats with my family to those in need. This year, as USY advisor to the SHMUSY chapter, I am especially excited to help coordinate the awesome Purim carnival, filled with inflatable rides, gift basket making, and making some crazy masks! What’s even more special is that the money will be donated to charities and social action projects that the USY chooses.

But what does Purim really mean? Drinking and eating? Making noise? Dressing up? To me, the holiday celebrates our liberation from oppression, but it also celebrates the community. Look at how we as Jews view this moment in history as a people: rather than diminishing this moment in history as another attempt to expel and exterminate the Jews. We celebrate our freedom and religious beliefs in the face of our demise. I love that kind of attitude, don’t you? Rather than simply add the book to the annals of Jewish lore, we read it aloud every year to remind us of our past. Instead of skipping over the nasty parts, we read them aloud with pride and block out the bad parts with lots of noise, to show those who aim to exterminate us are never going to break our spirit (kind of like Passover). I like being a part of a community that celebrates and remembers the bad times (or almost-bad-times) as well as the good ones, that sees a reason to be lively and spirited amidst the trouble that surrounded the Jews in the story. What’s your favorite Purim memory?

This year, I am honored to be asked to leyn from the Megillah at Anshe Emet for the first time. I can’t wait to celebrate. So grab that glass or wine, snack on that hamentashen, and be merry! Now, where did I put that Mordechai costume?

L’Chaim!

In many ways my older sister and I are perfect opposites.

Almost seven years divide us, enough time between so that even our childhood cultural references differ.  She watched different shows, wore different fashions, and listened to different music.

What time couldn’t make different, our genes and parents did.  She got the 20/20 vision, blue eyes and tall, slender frame.  I got the coke-bottle frames, brown eyes, and drew the short and squat card.  (But hey, I’m still 6 ½ year younger!)

Me and my sister (she with her hubby)—can you see a resemblance?

Throughout high school and college, she was given the role of the black sheep in the family while I played the nerd.  She loves the great outdoors; I hate nature.  She stays at home with her two children; I work full-time.  She has the sensitive soul of a writer; I have the thick skin of a business major.

She is a devout Christian with “Jesus in her heart”; I’m a Jew.

It’s not easy to have a sibling you most likely wouldn’t be friends with were it not for your blood.  And for a long while, we weren’t even friends.

You know the book (and subsequent movie) In Her Shoes—a story about two sisters very different from one another?  It could have been written about my sister and me—right down to the growing up in Philadelphia part (but stopping short of sleeping with my boyfriend.  Ick.)

When you have very little in common with your sibling, it means that if you want a relationship with her, you have to work at it.  You have to try to understand and respect different perspectives, and learn how to ask for and give forgiveness.  It means challenging yourself to look beyond who you think your sibling is, to who she really might be.  What you find might surprise you—people can and do change.

And sometimes you simply have to put up with shit that you would not take from anyone else.

There have been truly challenging moments when I’ve been seriously tempted to break all ties with my sister.  The time she refused to have her daughters participate in my wedding—not wanting to “confuse” them by exposing them to Judaism at a young age—comes to mind.

And then I think about how I could ever explain to my daughter why she has an aunt she never sees, cousins she has never gotten to know.  And I ask myself: do I really want to have a sibling that I never speak to?

So I pick up the phone and call and say it’s OK when it’s not, just to keep the peace.

That experience taught me that tolerance and acceptance are two different things.  And sometimes all you can expect from someone—even family—who has vastly different beliefs than you is tolerance.

Over the last few years, my sister and I have found common ground as wives and mothers.  I can call her for advice when my child is sick, and she can call me she needs to talk to an adult. 

We’ve both learned to let go of past hurts and move forward because we simply need each other.  Only we know what it’s like to be Don and Joanne’s kids.  We will always get each other’s inside jokes about our crazy family.  And when my parents age and someday pass away, I expect we will cry on each other’s shoulders—even if we dispute how to handle the estate.  (Sis—Dad’s collection is all yours.  I insist.)

Being related to someone by blood isn’t enough to make them family.  But I’ve seen many estranged families, and so often the hurt and pain of estrangement is far worse than what caused the breach.  So I’ve learned that while breaking ties might be the easier road, it isn’t always the right one.

I can’t predict the future of my relationship with my sister, but I hope that we continue to want and need each other in our lives.  And that’s really all we need to have in common.

Last night I heard Bruce Feiler speak at the annual JUF Non-Profit dinner about his latest book, The Council of Dads. The book has a beautiful premise; when Feiler was unsure about the future of his health, he called upon friends to serve as part of a “council” to mentor his young daughters in case of his death.

Feiler’s speech was very moving, so much so that I bought his book and spoke to him about it. And the first thing I thought about as I was leaving was that I really needed to call the several good friends whom I have been neglecting lately.

And then I realized I had no idea where my phone was.

It was gone.

Let me tell you something about myself. I am one of the most responsible adults that you will meet—who loses things all of the time. Whether they are stolen or thrown away, I somehow routinely put my items in places where they shouldn’t be.

I have been this way since I was a child. Whatever the first thing I was allowed to hold on to, probably a pacifier, I likely lost it. Instead of being a latchkey kid, my parents put a code device on the garage because they knew our house keys would end up in locations all over South Bend.

I find this fact about myself very depressing. This is not how I would like to be known among my family, loved ones, and coworkers.

A few weeks ago, on Valentine’s Day, I was with my boyfriend and he insisted I upgrade my phone. I was hesitant. He was relentless. You deserve a new phone. Your phone doesn’t surf the internet fast enough. There are all of these cool applications you can take advantage of. We can Skype with each other. I didn’t want the phone. Why? 1. Learning a whole new phone system stresses me out. 2. I knew I would lose it.

Sure enough, three weeks later, and it’s gone.

It’s time like these I’m glad I don’t have kids. How can I care for a child when I can’t care for a phone?

This kind of thinking can go on in my head for a very long time—too long especially if you take Feiler’s message to heart that we need to slow down and stop taking the good in our lives for granted.

So instead of thinking about who would be on my unborn children’s Council of Moms upon my untimely death for a disease that I don’t have, I started to think about all of the wonderful friends of my parents who have been in my life and how much unconditional love they gave me throughout my childhood.

When you are part of a loving community, like I was as a child, you don’t need a Council of anyone. The Jewish community is a council. Unfortunately, nowadays it is rare for people to commit to communities that matter, unless the only requirement is to click the “yes” button on Facebook.

The best gift that you can give to your kids is to provide them with a values-based community, not just as insurance in the case of your death, but as role models for them to look to while you are alive.

And to tell you not to be so hard on yourself when you lose your phone, again.

Five women from the Atlanta delegation to Tribefest enjoy a moment in Las Vegas with a new friend from Los Angeles, March 7, 2011. (Sue Fishkoff)

“Connect, explore and celebrate” was the tagline for Tribefest 2011 held this week in this desert gambling town.

Drumming imagery aside, the new name for what was a re-branded annual convention of the Young Leadership Division of the Jewish Federations of North America accurately described the spirited atmosphere at the confab.

More than 1,200 Jews in their 20s and 30s turned out for three days of lectures, workshops and performances on everything from new trends in Jewish art to the 2012 elections to the etiquette of offering a “L’chaim!”

The federations apparently were doing something right: People were trying to sneak into the convention rather than sneak out.

Federation officials say Tribefest is the first step in a new outreach strategy for the national federation system. Instead of targeting Jews aged 25 to 45 who already donate to federation campaigns -- a tactic tried by previous Young Leadership conferences -- Tribefest offered an open invitation to any young Jew who wanted, according to the marketing brochure, to be “entertained and educated” about Israel and the Jewish community, affiliated or unaffiliated.

“In the past it was about getting young leaders more engaged,” said Jewish Federations spokesman Joe Berkofsky. “This is about consciousness raising, bringing more people into the fold.”

Of course, he added, “We hope in the long term they’ll want to learn more about federation. But this is not about hitting up people for money. We’re not preaching to the converted.”

But if one of Tribefest’s central aims was about reaching a whole new audience, an informal survey of participants revealed the challenges of achieving that goal. Eleven of the 12 attendees interviewed by JTA reported that they already are active members and donors in their local federations.

“If you’re unaffiliated, why would you shlep all the way out to Vegas for this?” said Dan Sieradski, digital strategist for Repair the World.

“The scene is different, and there’s a lot more security,” said George Faber, 39, of Baltimore, who said this was his ninth Young Leadership conference.

But the people?

“Pretty much the same,” he said.

Not that it's a bad thing, those interviewed pointed out.

They came to Tribefest to learn how to get even more involved more effectively -- in federation as well as the other Jewish organizations represented. The Jewish Federations partnered for the conference with about 40 Jewish organizations popular among younger Jews, from Israel-oriented groups such as the New Israel Fund to the food justice organization Hazon to smaller groups focused on music, art and social service.

Hal Greenblatt, 26, and his friend Marc Prine, 25, both of Philadelphia, were part of the Jewish fraternity AEPi at Temple University and now are active in their local federation’s Young Leadership Division. Though this was their first time at a national conference, both said they didn’t need any convincing to make them fans of the federation system.

“There are many different ways to get your interests met in federation -- cultural, social service, religious,” said Prine, who like Greenblatt enjoys social service work and has raised funds for various Jewish causes.

“My dad is a Holocaust survivor, and I grew up doing social service. I want to give that to my kids," he said. "If we’re not going to build the next generation of the Jewish community, who will?”

Some of the presenters at Tribefest didn’t seem to grasp that the conference participants were not disaffected from the Jewish establishment. At a session Monday titled “Reconnecting Young Adult Jewish-Americans to Israel,” the panelists spent an hour apologizing for what they deemed as Israel’s bad behavior to a room full of young Israel supporters who seemed bewildered by the message.

“Unlike our parents, who saw Israel as a source of pride, many in our generation see it as a source of shame and disillusionment,” said Israeli army veteran Yoav Schaefer, executive director of the Avi Schaefer Fund, which advocates for strong Diaspora support for Israel while recognizing the rights of the Palestinians.

“I’m a Zionist, pure and simple, despite what I’ve heard from this panel,” responded one audience member.

Despite their already firm connection to federation, many attendees said they appreciated the direction the conference had taken and learned a lot from the sessions.

Prine and Greenblatt particularly enjoyed a session on punk Jews.

“We have friends with Jewish tattoos, friends who are black Jews, and they are shunned by the mainstream,” Prine said. “It doesn’t matter how you want to show your Jewishness. If it means getting tattoos or wearing tzitzis, it’s all about passing the flame to the next generation.”

While Tribefest may not have drawn as many newcomers as organizers may have liked, it seemed to have hit the mark for its core audience -- those already involved with federation and committed to Jewish community.

“As a Jewish professional, it got me re-energized and ready to go home and engage new people, and that’s what it’s supposed to do,” said Staci Weininger, 37, communications director of the Marcus Jewish Community Center in Atlanta.

Weininger noted that some of the 23 delegates from Atlanta weren’t in her federation database.

The lone newbie JTA interviewed, Debbie Zaidman, 38, of Columbia, S.C., said she found out about the conference from a friend’s posting on Facebook and suspected it “would be something that would inspire me.”

Zaidman grew up in a small Southern town with no Jewish community to speak of. Her mother drove her an hour each way to religious school until her confirmation at 16.

“In high school I always felt like an outsider,” she said.

Now Zaidman is part of a young Jewish professionals group in Columbia that regularly draws 100 people to events.

“It helps me be inspired,” she said. “Now I embrace my Judaism. I love it.”

Were you at Tribefest? Tell us about it in the comments section below:

I have found the newest cool place to hang out on weekends.  It involves good times, lots of people, and animals!  I know you’re probably thinking ____ but it’s not.  I’m talking about turtle racing!

I was recently exposed to turtle racing, which is probably the coolest thing in the entire world.  Yea, I see that confused look on your face and yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.  A bunch of people getting together to watch turtles run from the start to the finish line.  You think it’s crazy?  You’re absolutely correct!

What happens is every time you make a purchase, you receive a ticket, which then goes into a bucket.  From that bucket, and throughout eight rounds, six turtle jockeys (TJs) are selected to race.  Prizes are awarded to the fastest and slowest turtle.  City slickers from and around Chicago and turtle enthusiasts from around the Midwest gather and celebrate warmly like old friends.  We let our guard’s down as we cheer on our four-legged, shelled comrades, share stories and life lessons, and have a little bit of fun.

As my luck would have it on my first trip, the track announcer wearing his awesome turtle hat called my number and I was up first.  Although my turtle, Jolanda #5, didn’t inch toward victory or anywhere really, I said arrivederci to my new four-legged comrade and vowed I would return with an entourage of my friends to dominate the track.

Upon my second trip to the turtle track with my band of brothers, I immediately knew that my chances of becoming a turtle jockey that night were slim to none.  Since it was their first time at the track and I wanted them to have a full experience, I decided that if my ticket number was called, I would pass it on to one of them.  After all, while winning is important, I am in the having fun business.

Why is this important?  It is in the sporting world, as demonstrated by the turtle race, that we see what humans are capable of.  It’s a place where compassion, teamwork, skill, and fun all come together.  To me, however, this is not the only place where these traits show up in society.  One experience I’ve had in the last week especially  contributes to this belief.

Unlike other places that provide free meals for the underserved and the needy, The JUF Uptown Cafe provides those populations who receive their services with some extra dignity.  Instead of standing in line to wait for some slop to be plopped on their plates, attendees are seated and served restaurant style.  But this arrangement only scratches the surface.

Much like you may make friends with a favorite waitress at your 24/7 dining hangout – FYI mine’s Melrose Restaurant – the diners at The JUF Uptown Cafe had the opportunity to chit-chat with me.  I, along with the volunteers I teamed with, was able to find out how people in need are really similar to me, a person with a steady job and a roof over my head.  The latest movies (King’s Speech), favorite hobbies (HAM radio – am I allowed to say that on a kosher blog?), and best places to hang out in the city – besides turtle racing – were all served up during our dinner time conversation.  At the end of the meal I really felt full, but not with food.

I never had been a waiter, but volunteering at The JUF Uptown Cafe was something that I could get used to.  I took off my apron and said goodbye to the staff, feeling inspired by the hard work that they do.  If we can cheer a turtle to the finish line with the hopes of winning a free t-shirt, it should be just as easy to band together to support people, especially those in need.

Watching a child discover new things for the first time makes me nostalgic for innocence. The look of pure joy and unabashed pride is amazing to watch unfold on a child’s face. With a wide grin and sparkling eyes, they can be openly proud of a job well done and no one thinks they are boastful or arrogant. Somewhere along the line of growing up we learn to be skeptical of trying new things: climbing to new heights, falling in love, speaking our minds. At some point we learn that people judge, reject, and fail. If we want to chase a dream, if we want to really grow, we must look into that collective face of fear and say: I’m doing it anyway. We have to be just like Erin.

At Erin's farewell party

Here’s what you do if your best friend packs up her car and drives out to Seattle, where she will now live despite your crying protests. You will drink a chocolate stout at the Long Room and take a lot of pictures and bond with all of her friends over her leaving. You will cry some more. You will make her set up Skype on your computer before she leaves. You will thank your creator for giving you your best friend and ask how in the world you are supposed to go shopping for the spring season without her by your side. You will wonder if you will still play your cello if Erin isn’t nearby to play duets with you. You will feel grateful for all the cds you made together and you will wonder if writing songs over Skype will be frustrating or fun. But above all, you will feel inspired.

Because Erin’s move to Seattle is the physical manifestation of chasing a dream.  At the same time of starting over in a new place, Erin is returning to her roots as a musician. An amazingly talented songwriter, I have no doubt that her voice and her keyboard and her violin will make an impact on people. My admiration runs deep.

I am currently attempting to write my first novel, my first attempt at fiction. And when I start to doubt myself and my story and my ability to communicate in general, I think about Erin in Seattle. She is there; she picked up her entire life and moved there. And if she can make a move like that, well, then I can sit at my computer and put some more words together. Plus, I have an example to set for two little dreamers named Violet and Autumn, who demonstrate for me every day that doing things for the first time is fun, and that doing those things every day is how we grow.

Three inspiring ladies: Erin, Violet and Autumn

Maybe we can’t recapture innocence and no one will think we’re cute if we radiate pure glee over our accomplishments, but Erin’s move reminds me that we can start over and take new risks at any time. It still can be just as exhilarating as when my daughters first rode their new radio flyer bike, or first climbed the stairs, or first hugged the cat.

So thank you, Erin, for being an inspiration to me and reminding me that leaping far and having faith are possible at all times. I hope you are overwhelmed with a feeling of pride for taking this step and I hope it shows all over your beautiful face.

I’m not sure how campers are called to meal time these days. I know most of the kids do not wear watches (they all have cell phones with which they check the time), so I’m not sure of how CHOW TIME is announced.

I do know that this summer at the JCC Camp Chi in Wisconsin I will be leading an extraordinary summer experience for budding culinarians. I also know that the CHOW will be anything but the usual camp fare.

This is my kind of camping! Sure, there will be swimming, hiking, cookouts and all of that outdoorsy stuff, but the part that I like will be in the kitchen. There, we will create some great treats that the campers can enjoy and recreate at home. We’re cooking, baking, marinating, sautéing and learning how to produce healthy meals.

Ahh—I can see it all now. Young, eager and hungry campers visiting the local farms in Wisconsin, getting in touch with their inner farmer, seeing how vegetables and fruits grow, picking produce and then hustling it back to the ole camp kitchen for an afternoon of cooking.

We’ll bake bread; make salads, soups, kabobs, cakes and cookies and more. It’s going to be a great summer at Culinary Kids Camp—JCC Style.

I will teach my fellow young foodies the basics of Farm to Fork foods and how to avoid processed ingredients.

My campers will learn how to work together as a team to create spectacular foods; they will learn life skills and knife skills and how to create their own recipes.

Camp sure is different from when I was a kid and even from when my kids were campers. Sure, we’ll hang out and do the campfire thing—but at the JCC Culinary Kids Camp it will be with homemade marshmallows.

A Taste of Strawberry Sorbet

Prep time: 5 minutes
Cook time: 10 minutes
Chill time: overnight
Total: 1 day

Yields approx. 1 ½ quarts

2 cups water (bottled water makes a tastier sorbet
1 ½ cups sugar
1 tablespoon dried lavender flowers (optional)
5 cups fresh or frozen strawberries (at JCC Culinary Camp we will use fresh, of course!)
1 tablespoon lemon juice

1. Heat the water, sugar and lavender in a medium saucepan over low heat until the sugar has dissolved. Transfer the water mixture to a bowl and chill completely.

2. Once cooled, strain out the lavender if using. Stem the strawberries and puree them in a food processor or blender. Add the lemon juice and sugar syrup and blend thoroughly. Chill the mixture until it is very cold.

3. Process the sorbet mixture in your ice cream machine following the manufacturer’s instructions.

4. Transfer the sorbet to a covered container and store in the freezer.

Strawberry Marshmallows
(Perfect for Passover and JCC Campfires)

Pareve
Yields one 13x18 inch pan

1 cup potato starch
8-10 ripe strawberries, or frozen (about ¾ cup)
1 vanilla bean scraped
1 1/3 cups cold water
2 ½ cups sugar
¼ cup honey
3 tablespoons gelatin
6 egg whites at room temperature
1 teaspoon rosewater, optional
¼ cup kosher for Passover powdered sugar mixed with ¼ cup potato starch

1. Line a 13x18 inch sheet pan with parchment and sprinkle heavily with potato starch and set aside.

2. Purée the berries in a blender. Scrape a vanilla bean and stir the seeds and pulp into the strawberry puree.

3. Place ⅔ cup of water, sugar and honey into a medium saucepan and bring to boil over medium heat until the mixture reaches 265 on a candy thermometer.

4. While the sugar is cooking, sprinkle the gelatin over the remaining ⅔ cup of cold water and let it soften.

5. Whip the egg whites until they form stiff-glossy peaks. Pour the sugar syrup along the side of the bowl with mixer on low into the whites; add the gelatin and beat for an additional 3-5 minutes until the mixture is combined.

6. Fold the strawberry puree and rosewater, if using, into the egg white mixture. Turn out into the prepared pan. Dust with additional potato starch and powdered sugar. Allow to sit at room temperature for several hours before eating to allow the marshmallows to fully set.

7.  The marshmallows will keep, covered at room temperature, for about 1 week.

On October 16, 2009, my husband and I landed at O'Hare airport with our 17-month old daughter Frehiwot (Fray) Tessema. Our three boys, my parents and Mike's mom met us at the airport to meet their new sibling and grandchild. While all of us were overjoyed, excited and beyond thankful, Mike and I were still in a cloud of processing our journey and Fray's birth story. The story of how she found herself being taken from her home in Ethiopia, to become a member of a new and completely unfamiliar family and land. This weighed heavily on us. The weight increased by our decision not to share Fray's birth story with anyone but Fray when she became old enough to understand it. This was not the original plan. At first, Mike and I had decided we would share our child's birth story with family and friends, and possibly even the curious friendly stranger. Our thinking at the time was there is no shame in being adopted and by the birth story being out there, the whole thing would just be normalized. No one special day of sitting down and revealing all the details. They would just always be out there for our child to grab on to whatever made sense to them at the time. We had a plan, a philosophy. We were all set. Until...

I must admit, I am not a fan of non-fiction reading, and as much as I would like to say that the excitement and process of adopting Fray motivated me to scour adoption books cover to cover, that would just be a big ol' fat lie. My engineer husband on the other hand, is the exact opposite, as he is seemingly allergic to all things fiction. So although we didn't ever really fashion an information attack plan, I garnered the majority of my adoption information from People Magazine articles about Angelina Jolie, talking with adoptive and prospective families, and a subscription to a thin magazine called, "Adoptive Families." Mike read piles and piles of adoption books addressing everything from attachment to identity. He would then regurgitate all the important facts, whittling a 200 page book down to a summary of three pages for me, while I would share a heartening story or photograph I had come across. We were an awesome team.

It was a relatively short article that threw us for a long and windy loop. I can't remember the exact title. It was something to the effect of, "Your Child's Birth Story— Who Should Know?" The author basically took the position that your child's birth story is exactly that— your child's. That in addition to being given the gift of adoption, you have also been given the gift of your child's birth story— but as a guardian of it and not the teller of the tale. They emphasized the first person that should know your child’s story is your child. Because once you put it out there, you can’t take it back and in essence you have given something away that never belonged to you in the first place.
 
The most difficult part has been keeping Fray’s story from her brothers. They are not inquiring all at once, and they are not curious all the time, but when they ask and we give our little speech, I can see the wheels turning. When you don’t explain, when you can’t answer, kids come up with their own reasoning, their own answers. For our kids, there is nothing they can imagine that would create a situation in which they could no longer live with us. They can also not imagine anything happening to us that would make our staying a family impossible. In some ways, I am grateful for this. But I have recently stoked the fires by taking Fray back to Ethiopia last month. The trip was to say the least, utterly amazing. Next month I’ll tell you all about it. Well, not ALL about it…

Click here to read part two.

As I sit in my office and hear some smoker in the alley yelling at her smoking buddy, I feel bad for them.  Smokers are second class citizens.  They can’t smoke in bars, restaurants, or even in front of offices in the city of Chicago.  Pretty soon smokers will only be able to light up in their homes and cars.  Poor smokers.  Not only are they getting fazed out of social situations, but there are a few other negatives to smoking.

If being relegated to the alley wasn’t enough, there’s cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and other horrible diseases.  Smoking is bad.  We all know it.  Even second hand cigarette smoke can cause cancer.

I don’t mean to pick on smokers.  I realize it’s terribly addicting and unfortunately can be passed down from one family member to another.  That’s right, if you smoke, your children are at a greater risk to become an alley smoker.  Not only are there the obvious diseases, but the accompanying cost of insurance is higher for smokers.  With a shorter life expectancy and higher rate of illness it’s harder and more expensive to get insurance, both health and life insurance.  Since smokers on average miss more work than non-smokers, and cost more to insure, they are discriminated against.  A smoker just can’t catch a break.

In the gym I’ve trained several social smokers.  Although they claim to only smoke when they drink, I can tell the difference.  Usually, it’s endurance work that hurts them the most.  Running on the treadmill, biking fast or completing a circuit of weight training exercises pushes them to the edge faster than non-smokers.  The amazing thing, after only a few weeks of not smoking, they tell me how much better they feel.

The biggest barrier I hear to quitting is, “well, if I quit smoking I’ll gain weight.”  Many people do gain weight when they quit smoking, because they start eating more.  If they trade in cancer sticks for free weights and a jump rope, weight gain will not be an issue.  I did have one client that replaced her nicotine with caffeine and sugar and gained a few pounds.  Once we switched her new cola addiction to healthy snacks, the weight came back off without her lighting up.

My dad was a rare individual that could run 4-5 miles, have a cigarette, and no one knew the difference, at first.  He had an entire ritual to de-cigarette himself.  He gargled, sanitized his arms, face and hair with baby wipes and finished with some Binaca mint spray.  He tried everything to quit, including hypnosis.  We would sit on the couch and listen to this calm voice telling us to relax.  It always made me really tired and it didn’t work for him.  The patch finally helped him kick the habit and he’s been smoke free for 25 years.

Whether it’s your first drag in the school parking lot or at a party, the addiction forms quickly, Nicotine is:

• 1000 X more potent than alcohol
• 10-100 X more potent than barbiturates
• 5-10 X more potent than cocaine or morphine

How do you quit something that’s more addicting than cocaine?  I’m glad you asked— there are several different methods, the best of which starts with a discussion with your doctor.  The important thing, make the decision to escape the alley and save your life.

I recently picked up a new hobby: matchmaking.  I’m not exactly sure when I became obsessed with fixing people up, but with each success I’ve gotten more confident in my skills and well, no one I’ve set up has yelled at me…yet.  I’ve got one marriage and a live-in couple under my belt— I hit a high this past weekend when a couple I introduced became official and the two friends who I knew would have chemistry took a liking to each other.

Getting involved in people’s romantic lives, is a risky endeavor, but it’s also afforded me a unique glimpse into the world of dating for both men and woman in Chicago…and again since so far no one has yelled at me, I’ll continue to do it.  I admit I’ve always been a bit of a busy body— back in college I started dispensing my dating rules and relationship advice to my friends.

Though I do dream of being the Patti Stanger of Chicago (with a little less snark and a lot more affordability), I’m not ready to quit my day job.  However, a friend recently suggested that I start sharing my advice and stories with more than just my own network— so Oy!sters, welcome to my inaugural relationship blog post.

Disclaimer- I admit I’m old fashioned, but when it comes to millennial dating, I really think everyone should be.  When it’s common for guys and girls to meet after midnight, in a bar, on a Saturday night, five drinks deep, it seems like a no brainer we should all be a little bit more protective of our hearts these days.  But I’m sorry ahead of time if I offend anyone— I know being single is tough and there’s no magic way to find a soul mate.

So, here are my dating dos and don’ts:

Don’t hook up with someone the night you meet.  This seems so obvious, but I hear stories all the time of girls in their mid-to-late 20’s who are surprised and disappointed when they spend the night with a guy they just met in a bar and he never calls.  I realize spending the night doesn’t necessarily mean having sex, but just sleeping in someone’s bed is too intimate too fast.  And frankly, any guy who wants you to come home with him the night you meet is only hoping for one thing…

First dates on weekdays are fine.  I’m a firm believer in going out on actual dates.  A date doesn’t have to be fancy dinner downtown, and the guy doesn’t always have to pick up the check (just on the first one), but the effort that goes into planning an actual date and asking someone out on a date can go a long way.  By the third or fourth date, he should be asking you out on weekends, too.  After a month of dating, if the girl you’re seeing still refuses to make plans on the weekends, then she’s just not that interested in you and it is time to move on.

Run away from the guy or girl who only wants to “meet up in a bar.”  On the other hand, if the guy you like only wants to see you on the weekends, in a bar, when he is out with friends, move on.  He’s just looking for a hook up.

Use texting and social media sparingly.  I love texting and social media as much as the average person (it is part of my profession), but there is a time and a place to use social media.  It’s fine to text the girl you like occasionally, but make sure you call her once in awhile, too.  This goes the same way for girls.  Guys shouldn’t be the only ones picking up the phone.  The biggest complaint I’ve heard from my male friends about the females they are dating is that they never initiate and they never call.  We expect guys to make efforts to woo us and it should go both ways.

Make that online dating profile.  I don’t care if you use JDate, Match.com, or eHarmony, just make one!  You have nothing to lose and it is a great way to expand your dating pool.  I know people worry about how they will look, but really everyone is doing it these days.  And yes, there may be some creepy people using online dating sites, but there are creepy people hanging out in bars, too.  Just avoid them.

Make time for that profile.  A lot of people tell me the reason they don’t want to use online dating sites is because it takes up too much of their time.  My response, “relationships take work and if you don’t have time to invest in one, you’re probably better off single, at least temporarily.”  I’m not saying you have to spend hours working on your profile or winking at girls, but put as much effort into it as you would want your potential mate to put into you.  Creating a profile can be daunting— take it slow and don’t be afraid to ask a friend to help look it over.  A tip for creating a great online dating profile— try to end the “about you” section with something that elicits a response.  For example, you could do three truths and a lie about yourself and ask potential suitors to guess which one is false.

Stop trying so hard.  Know when to go on a dating detox. After a break up, even if it’s only for a week, you need to take a break from the dating scene to focus on yourself and your happiness.  If you’re going out every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night searching for your next boyfriend, ask yourself if it’s time to take a dating detox.  If you’re juggling three girls, none of whom you are really interested in, it might be time to take a dating detox.  We can all smell desperation— no one wants to date a girl who is hunting for a husband.

Always accept a first AND second date.  This one can be hard at times, but try to always accept a first date.  It’s good karma and you never know what might come of it.  Also, many of my friends complain to me that they don’t get asked out anymore, so when you get that elusive date offer, take it!  More importantly, go on that second date!  People are nervous on first dates and might not make the best impression.  Don’t tell me you’re not interested in a second date because the girl was wearing an unflattering shirt or the guy picked a bad restaurant.  Now, if on the third date, his shoes are still awful, then you are free to move on to the next guy.  This second date rule goes both ways— you might have had a great first date and have already started fantasizing about your dream wedding, but don’t get ahead of yourself.  Second dates determine real chemistry.  You might have had great conversation on the first date, but is there anything left to talk about?

That’s all I have for now, but I’ll be back next month with more.  In the meantime, I’d love to hear some of your dating rules.  Also, I’m always looking to set people up and expand my own network, so if you’re interested, drop me an email at cherylannjacobs@gmail.com or leave a comment below.  Happy dating!

This past Chanukah, we all gathered around the warm, flickering glow of our… computers. We were mesmerized by The Maccabeats, and their catchy, clever, a cappella version of Taio Cruz’ “Dynamite,” which they re-cast for Chanukah as “Candlelight.” To date, their video has had more than 4.5 million views on YouTube.

While the original song is about going to a dance club, the Maccabeats changed it to be about Chanukah. “I throw my hands up in the air sometimes” became “I flip my latkes in the air sometimes.”
 
Ah… but who are these Maccabeats, you ask, and where did they come from?

Well, back in 2007, some guys at New York City’s Yeshiva University noticed something. Many other colleges had Jewish a cappella groups— but not theirs. So they started an a cappella band of their own.

First, they needed a memorable name: Cornell University’s was Chai Notes, and University of Michigan’s was Kol Hakavod, and one in Chicago is called Shircago. So they decided on The Maccabeats.

They had auditions and were surprised by how many people were interested. Now, the group is 14 strong, about as many as The New Directions on “Glee.” Then they started performing around campus.

You might think with a name like The Maccabeats, they would debut with a Chanukah song. Instead, their first video was of a Matisyahu song called “One Day.” This video showed the group formation, and their auditions and rehearsals. (Take a second and listen— your ears will thank you.)

When they were looking for an idea for a second video, one of their members heard a YouTube singer named Mike Tompkins do a solo, multitracked, a cappella version of “Dynamite.” Rather than repeat that, the band decided to create a Jewish version in time for Chanukah of 2010.

Unexpectedly, the “Candlelight” video went viral. Before they knew it, The Maccabeats were all over the Jewish press, including the Jerusalem Post. Then they went on “The Today Show” and CNN, written up in “The New York Times” and in “Time” magazine, and of course they were all over the blogs and Facebook. They even performed at Madison Square Garden. The Maccabeats then put out an album called “Voices from the Heights”  and went on tour. (Scroll to the bottom for sound clips, including “Lecha Dodi” to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”).

When “Candlelight” made it to iTunes, it went into the Top 20 on two charts. It made it to #19 on the Holiday Digital Songs chart…and to #2 on the Comedy Digital Tracks, behind Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song.” This is the first time Chanukah songs were at #1 and #2 on any Billboard chart— and Billboard has been tracking song sales since 1894.

And now you can see them live! They will bring their singing, beat-boxing energy to the stage for  JUF’s new Sing Out Chicago on March 13, at Skokie’s North Shore Center for the Performing Arts. The first show is already sold out; a second show was added at 4:30.

“This will be our first Chicago-area performance—in fact, our first major concert in the Midwest—and we are very excited about it,” said Julian Horowitz, musical director for the Maccabeats. “We hope everyone will come out to see us, and to support JUF!”

Tickets to Sing Out Chicago are $18 per person and must be purchased in advance through JUF, by calling 312-553-3530, or by e-mailing  SingOutChicago@juf.org . Attendance at the event signifies intent to make a donation to the 2011 JUF Annual Campaign, which can be paid in installments through December 2011.