OyChicago articles

We’ve all been there before: you want to go out, have a good night, hang with friends, and potentially meet that special someone. So where do you do that? Go to a bar? A friend’s party? Sure you end up meeting a bunch of new people, but how can you meet new, Jewish people? One way is through JUF’s Young Leadership Division, which holds many great events throughout the year. Another place to meet fellow MOTs is parties hosted by Afterlight Events.

Comprised of different promoters and party planners and members, Afterlight Events is a group that works to create social scenes and parties for Jews in Chicago. But not only do they work to bring Jews together, they also do it for a cause.

“Our goal is to bring Jewish people together in a networking and social atmosphere, while raising money for Jewish nonprofits,” the group* said. “Our main goal is to help out non profits and charities who don’t have the capacity or the know-how to throw these events.”

Afterlight Events throws about three or four parties a year, including the Matzo Bash, one of the biggest parties in Chicago on Christmas Eve.

“At our Matzo Bash [last] year we had about 1,200 people at Enclave,” the group said. “And we raised thousands of dollars for charities. We also throw a Valentine’s Day party every year. We get sponsored and we raise money and a great portion of the ticket sales get donated to Jewish charities.”

While raising money for Jewish charities is the main goal of Afterlight Events, the fact that they help Jews meet other Jews is a huge benefit of the parties they throw.

“Obviously on Christmas Eve our biggest goal is to bring Jewish people together,” the group said. “We’ve had tons of people tell us that they’ve met their girlfriends or their wives, boyfriends at our parties which is obviously a mitzvah in itself.”

“We wanted to make it clear that understanding our heritage and meeting people in our religion is important and it can be done in a fun and social atmosphere. And up to today’s standards in Chicago, one of the best cities in the world, it’s important to have an opportunity to come together.”

However, sometimes throwing parties like the ones Afterlight Events plans can present a challenge.

“The only obstacle is really getting the word out,” the group said. “And we do a pretty good job of partnering with different organizations and groups to help them spread the word. A lot of times what we’ll do is we’ll throw an event for a charity but then have other non-profits sell tickets and they can make money for it too. So we give non-profits a vehicle to raise money in different capacities.”

The end goal that Afterlight Events is striving toward is  to partner with all the different Jewish not-for-profits in the city and to help them raise money, while having every Jewish person in the city come together at these events and have a great time.

“We have a lot of different events that we’re going to be planning in the next couple of years,” the group said. “If anyone has any interest in allowing us to help them raise money just let us know! We’ll be happy to work with you creatively.”

*Afterlight Events is a group of professionals in the Chicago area, and preferred to keep their names confidential.

“It’s not really about us, it’s about what we do,” the group said. “People are not going to come to a party because certain people are there. People are going to come to a party because we’re raising and donating money, and we’re having a good time.”

It’s not too late to get your tickets to The Matzo Bash 2010: Christmas Eve Gala
Enclave, 220 W Chicago Ave on Christmas Eve from 8 p.m.-2 a.m.

Tickets include:
­• ­Complimentary cocktails from 8-10 p.m.
­• Complimentary hors d'oeuvres & treats
­• Complimentary admission to the after party
­• JJ the DJ spinning all night long

Get your tickets through Oy!Chicago here.

Can you name two past Jewish Supreme Court justices with last names beginning with the letter “F”?

Did you know the comic strip X-Men was created by Jews? And for the most random Jewish fact you’ll read today and probably this decade...Bet you didn’t know the Q-Tip was invented by a Jewish guy who thought the cotton apparatus would aid his wife cleaning hard to reach places?

You’ll learn these facts and others in the new coffee table book For the Love of Being Jewish: An A-to-Z Primer for Bubbies, Mensches, Meshugas, Tzaddiks, and Yentas (Triumph Books), a fitting book for the holiday season, which lists from A to Z the many reasons to love being Jewish.

The book, written by local Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein, spiritual leader of Congregation Am Shalom in Glencoe, and colorfully illustrated by Mark Anderson, explores key concepts of the Jewish religion and heritage through the lens of culture, history, ethics, and values—like Exodos, ner tamid (eternal flame), and tzedakah (charity, justice), and notes Jewish celebrities like Mel Brooks, Bob Dylan, Albert Einstein, Sandy Koufax, Golda Meir, and Moses. The book is one in a series of For the Love of ______ books that have been published by Triumph Books, including For the Love of the Cubs and For the Love of Golf.

Each page, corresponding with the letters of the alphabet, is the basis for a short rhyme, accompanied by a colorful cartoon as well as terminology, quotes, and factoids starting with that letter.

While the book is whimsical and humorous, it also examines the weightier topics that come with 5,770 years of Jewish history. “The challenge was to make sure it wasn’t all fluff,” Lowenstein said. “The Holocaust had to be in the book, Zionism had to be in there. I wanted to make sure that these types of concepts—the seriousness of Judaism—were not [treated] in a light matter.”

The book opens with a Mark Twain passage from an 1898 issue of Harpers magazine. He writes: “If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race…[The Jew’s] contributions to the world’s list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also way out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers…All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?”

Lowenstein replies to Twain’s inquiry. “What is the secret of the Jews’ immortality?” he said. “How come this small people continues to survive and thrive year after year? The secret is perseverance, determination, and the chutzpah of the Jewish people.”

Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein

We're giving away THREE copies of For the Love of being Jewish! Tell us why YOU love being a member of the tribe below. Make sure to leave your email in the comment form (it won't be displayed) so we can contact you if you win. If you don't win, and want to pick up the book on your own, check out  ForTheLoveOfBeingJewish.com  and click on purchase.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I am a fan of Bravo’s Real Housewives series. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s something about those women that makes you just want to keep watching. My favorite cast is definitely the Real Housewives of New York City, which includes Jewish housewife Jill Zarin, known on the show for her big heart—which shows in her devotion to her family, friends and her philanthropic work—and her big opinions—which sometimes gets her into trouble.

On Sunday, Jan. 23, Jill and her sister, Lisa Wexler, an award-winning talk radio host and the creator and executive producer of The Lisa Wexler Show, will speak for the first time in Chicago about the book they co-wrote with their mother Gloria Kamen, who currently writes the “Ask Gloria” column on BravoTV.com. The program, presented by Ida Crown Jewish Academy, will take place at Saks Fifth Avenue in Highland Park. Jill and Lisa will speak together about their book,  Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories Real Love (Dutton)  released last April, and answer questions about the Real Housewives show, followed by a Saks discounted shopping opportunity.

I had the opportunity to talk to Jill before her visit about Jewish mothers, Real Housewives and not-so-real friendships:
 
Oy!Chicago: What can we expect at the Ida Crown Jewish Academy event in December?
Jill Zarin: We wrote a book called Secrets of a Jewish Mother that came out in April. The paperback version is actually coming out March 1 and with that we’ve added a chapter dedicated to bullying. The book is geared toward anyone—male, female—you don’t have to be Jewish to read the book and you certainly don’t have to be Jewish to be a Jewish mother as we all know, although it is so much more fun when you are. And we talk about everything like friendship, dating, education, marriage, career, money and my favorite chapter, probably parenting.

[At the event] we’ll talk about the book, we’ll read from it, we do a little quiz at the beginning which is ‘are you a Jewish mother?’ where we ask you 20 questions that sort of warms up the crowd.

What do you hope people will get out of it?
Laughs…and it’s a very relatable book [with] some very good wisdom and advice. What’s great about the book is that you can go to any chapter and pick something up about it…it’s the cycle of life interspersed with some comedy.

What would you say is the best piece of advice you’ve gotten from your Jewish mother?
Well my mother gives me advice every day, something as minimal as like ‘don’t forget your sweater, it’s freezing outside’ she loves to say to me, so I don’t know if there’s particularly one piece of advice.

And best advice you’ve given as a Jewish mother?
Well I’m definitely not done yet and Allyson’s still cooking—although she’s 18 now she might be almost medium well, I don’t think she’s well yet. I do think that whatever I have been doing is working because I think she’s a very well-adjusted, happy, loving, caring person. And what I love most about Ally is the heart she has—my daughter has a heart as big as the ocean.

Obviously being Jewish is a big part of your identity and your book. How and why does being Jewish influence what you do on a day-to-day basis?
I think that culturally what I love about the Jewish faith is that we really focus on family and tradition. And it’s those two things that make us happy and secure. Like my mother said in the show, life goes from Passover to Rosh Hashanah and back to Passover again. It’s always these traditions that make us feel part of a culture and loved and important and special.

Watching you on the show, people feel like they know you—like they are one of your girlfriends. Is that weird for you? Do you think your fans know the real you based on how you are portrayed?
Yes and no. I think overall, yes. I think that I’m not perfect, I think that I have a big heart and sometimes that gets me in trouble because I sometimes might put expectations on people because I would do [something] and they disappoint me. Overall I think that the show really does at the end really show who we are. There might be inaccuracies with particular stories or facts, but I think the overall impression is probably correct.

In your chapter on friendship, you mention your relationships with all the cast mates on Real Housewives—are any of them true friends or “front-row” friends as you call them in the book? How difficult is it to maintain true friendships with people you are filming a TV show with?
It’s very hard on a reality show because you don’t know what they’re saying behind your back, and sometimes you say and do things on the show because it’s good TV, or sometimes you’ll say something and they’ll edit it [so] it’s not really what you meant. It’s hard to not get mad at someone when they say something behind your back but you have to know that you all signed up for this TV show. So, it is hard, but I think at the end of the day clearly LuAnn is my longest friend on the show and I adore her. And I do think we will be lifelong friends—will she shift from the front row to the orchestra? Absolutely…I definitely think some of the girls are in my front row right now, will they stay there? Who knows. Only time will tell.

Last season, we saw your friendship with Bethenny [Frankel] unravel.
You know, it was edited in such a way that you don’t really know what I really did behind the scenes, there’s a lot that didn’t play on the show—a lot. I’m not going to get into specifics—but there was a lot of reaching out from Bethenny to me off camera and vice versa, but when the cameras were up you would never have known that. For example, she sent my daughter a birthday present last year right in the middle of filming, a big beautiful present—why? I found out on camera that day she just bashed me and said she never wanted to be my friend again—wouldn’t you call that a mixed signal?

I’ve heard that filming is underway for the fourth season of RHONY—how is that going? Will we be seeing more of your mom and sister on the show?
Yes. You will see Gloria, you will see Lisa. We’ve already filmed together and it’s going to be great. This season I think people are going to really be happier and it’ll be back to what it was. Which is fun, with a little drama.

What’s next for you?
Oh my goodness, glad you asked! I have a new line of bedding at Bedbathandbeyond.com which is doing really, really, really well, so I’m very happy. Prices for the set start at like $179 for a full decorator, gorgeous bedding comforter set. Beautiful. The other thing I’m working on is I have a shapewear and legwear line coming out hopefully in spring. I’m excited about it because all my girlfriends are trying them on and loving them asking me for more, so that’s a good sign. It’s very organic—you know I was in the hosiery business for about 15 years, so I feel like I’m going back to my roots, coming home.

Do you have any Chicago connections? Anything you like to do while you’re here?
Oprah!? Isn’t everybody connected to Oprah? I feel like she’s my friend. I’ve [was in Chicago] 15-20 years ago, so it’s been way too long, I’m really excited. It’s a beautiful city. But I’m excited, can’t wait!

To order tickets or learn about sponsorship opportunities, please call 773-973-1450 or go to  www.ICJA.org .

I admit to being somewhat of a gastronomic and a culinary discontent. I like to push the envelope and play with an idea or recipe and then move on and do it all over again. The same applies to holiday menus. I love the rituals of the Jewish holidays and the foods, but I do not like the routine recipes that often accompany those dishes. This Chanukah I am thinking outside the box and mixing it up a bit.

I love the basic latke of potatoes and onions, all crispy and golden brown with the aroma of crackling onions and fat topped with a generous dollop of homemade applesauce or sour cream. I could eat a whole platter full of them myself—on the first night. And then what? We have eight nights to celebrate. So I started thinking HOW COULD I MAKE THIS CHANUKAH DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHERS?

I do not want an ordinary Festival of Lights. I want something spud-tacular. I want a LATKE-PALOOZA. An extraordinary celebration of crispy fried goodness. I am going where no chef has gone before. I am going to create an abundance of delights, a different one for each night of Maccabian Madness.

Latke options are infinite. I can stick with the classic potato and onion cake as my base but I want to add some pizzazz, creating endless variations on the central theme. After all, even the little black dress needs a little “bling.” I am adding carrots, parsnips, celery root, roasted garlic, herbs, and more. These latkes will be so amazing we will want to add nights to the holiday.

I also want to play with the toppings. After all, why limit ourselves to just plain apple sauce and sour cream? Like all classics that just need a little tweak, I am updating the humble applesauce and bringing it to new heights. For Latke-Palooza, I am dolling up the modest condiment with crystallized ginger, pomegranate molasses, mango chunks, and even sweet and gooey caramelized onions. Delish!

Chef Laura’s Latkes (basic latke recipe)

I like really crispy latkes that are only slightly creamy inside. I don’t use yolks in my batter as egg yolks make dough and batters tender. Egg whites hold the ingredients together but don’t make it soft or cakey.

2 pounds Russet potatoes, peeled and shredded (after shredding the potatoes, place them in a large bowl with ice water-they won’t oxidize and turn rust colored)
Neutrally flavored oil for frying (I prefer canola)
1 large Spanish onion, peeled and grated
3 egg whites, beaten with a whisk until frothy
3-6 tablespoons flour
2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon fresh cracked pepper

1. Place the shredded potatoes in a large clean towel and squeeze out all of the moisture; make sure the potatoes are completely dry.

2. Place all of the remaining ingredients in a large bowl and add the potatoes. Mix all of the ingredients together until thoroughly combined.

3. Heat a large skillet with 1-½ inches of oil. Drop spoonfuls of latke batter into the oil. Flatten it slightly with the back of a spoon. Brown the latkes on both sides. Remove to a platter lined with paper towels.

4. To re-heat: Place the latkes on a cookie sheet and heat in a 400 degree oven until hot.

Apple-Cranberry Ginger Sauce

This is a beautiful garnet-colored tart applesauce. It is a perfect complement for the crispy latkes. The addition of ginger adds a deep citrus spice flavor that balances the vegetables in the latke.

6 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped
1-cup fresh or frozen cranberries
1/3 cup sugar
1 whole cinnamon stick
2 teaspoons chopped crystallized ginger
½ cup apple cider or juice
Pinch of kosher salt

1. Place all of the ingredients in a medium saucepan. Cook uncovered over medium heat until the cranberries pop. Continue cooking until the excess moisture evaporates. Remove the cinnamon stick and stir to combine. The applesauce may be stored covered in the refrigerator for up to one week or frozen for up to 2 months.

Chef Laura’s Latke-Palooza Variation 1

I was so excited when I wrote this recipe and even more thrilled once I smelled the latkes sizzling away in the pan. This latke variation is so good and savory that you will want to make these all year round. I served them with a slow cooked pot roast and the Apple-Cranberry Ginger Sauce, of course.

1 ½ pounds Russet potatoes, peeled and shredded (after shredding the potatoes, place them in a large bowl with ice water-they won’t oxidize and turn rust colored)
Neutrally flavored oil for frying (I prefer canola)
1 large Spanish onion, peeled and grated
2 medium parsnips, peeled and shredded
1 medium carrot, peeled and shredded
¼ cup chopped flat leaf parsley
1 clove garlic, finely minced
3 egg whites, beaten with a whisk until frothy
3-6 tablespoons flour
2 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon fresh cracked pepper

1. Place the shredded potatoes, parsnips and carrots in a large clean towel and squeeze out all of the moisture; make sure the vegetables are completely dry.

2. Place all of the remaining ingredients in a large bowl and add the vegetables. Mix all of the ingredients together until thoroughly combined. The mix should be slightly wet and holding together. If not, add a little more flour.

3. Heat a large skillet with 1-½ inches of oil. Drop spoonfuls of latke batter into the oil. Flatten it slightly with the back of a spoon. Brown the latkes on both sides. Remove to a platter lined with paper towels.

4. To re-heat: Place the latkes on a cookie sheet and heat in a 400 degree oven until hot.

The first thing that struck me upon meeting Ari Engel was just how, well, normal he looks (and, I should add, is).  Standing there in jeans, t-shirt and wearing a kippah upstairs in the Venetian Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, I easily could have mistaken him for any guy in town for a bachelor party, who had probably just lost his last $100 on a badly played hand of Blackjack.  He was very much a nice Jewish boy from Chicago, the son of an Orthodox Rabbi.  My mom instincts immediately kicked into high gear.  I offered him something to eat, and asked if he was single, wondering if I knew any nice Jewish girls living in Las Vegas to set him up with.  (I don’t. If you do, email me.)

Of course, that nice Jewish girl would also have to be completely comfortable with the fact that Ari is a professional poker player who gambles at all hours, day and night, risking sums of money that could buy a nice family home along Chicago’s North Shore.  Hmm, this could be hard.

It’s not surprising that Ari blends in to his surroundings.  After all, his unique ability to “fly under the radar” is something you would expect to be a key asset for his ‘job.’  But you might not expect another thing that has also worked to his advantage: wearing a kippah while playing.

“I always wear a kippah when I play,” says Ari, who is religiously observant.  “I get a lot of ‘shaloms’ and yiddish words.  It is interesting how people respond to me as a religious person—it has been my experience that some people don’t think that ‘religious people’ are that smart, and often these people will treat me as if I don’t know the game.  And this works in my favor, although over the years as people have gotten to recognize me, I don’t get that as much.”

Some people might question if there is an inherent conflict between Ari’s religious beliefs and how he makes a living.  But Ari has made peace between his professional and spiritual worlds.

“I’m comfortable with my decision, and with myself,” says Ari.  “I know that it is impossible to reconcile what I do—gambling—100% with my religious beliefs.  But I go about it in a way that reflects favorably on myself...I am very professional.  Frankly, I’d rather play poker ethically than be a shady businessman.  I’m very comfortable in what I do.  And my parents have been very supportive—my dad will even mention me in his sermons.”

Ari’s religious observance has occasionally barred him from participating in poker tournaments—many which span several weeks with no days off, including Shabbat.  This is one of the reasons why Ari has focused much of his playing online, versus playing in the casinos.  He spends 90% of his time gambling online, and only 10% of the time in casinos.  And when in a casino it’s all business—in and out. 

“Casinos hate people like me,” jokes Ari.  “They don’t make hardly anything off me.”

So just how did a nice Jewish boy, a graduate of Skokie Yeshiva, wind up as one of the most successful online poker players?  Well, that’s easy: college.

Ari was introduced to online poker gambling by his freshman year roommate at NYU.  At the time, he didn’t play, but was interested and learned while watching his college roommate.

“During my second year of college, my roommate, Andrew Brown—Browndog19 online—used to play online poker all the time,” says Ari.  “I began to watch him a lot, and for three months I only watched, never played a hand.”

After Ari graduated, he took an entry level job, making just enough to pay the rent and the monthly payments on his six-figure student loan debt.  After “scraping together enough cash,” Ari decided to play online and within six weeks, he had made enough to quit his job and play online full-time. 

“After college graduation, I completely stopped for about two months, barring my weekly $40 home game with college friends,” said Ari.  “During one of those games, two of my friends were raving about a new site where they both made over 1K.  I signed up for Bodog, and 10 days later quit my day job.”

I admit, listening to Ari, I was tempted to quit my job and go ‘all in.’  But before I could break out my credit card, Ari brought me down to earth, warning about the perils of online gambling.

“This is a 90% failure rate,” warns Ari.  “One year I can make well over six-figures, the next year I could lose money.  It’s part skill, and part luck.  I’ve been very lucky.”

Which is one of the reasons why Ari has started a business teaching others how to play.  Warning shameless plug alert: Ari has opened a successful training academy: The Maven VT (www.mavenvt.com).

And even with all his success, Ari is not sure how long he will stay in the online poker world.

“At 26, I’m one of the old guys,” says Ari.  “I don’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life.  The poker world is unstable; eventually I might need to move on.”

Well, shit, if 26 is old, that makes me… oh, forget it.  One final thought: Ari is indeed single, and you can stalk him online at his blogspot: bodogari.blogspot.com

Question: What little girl grows up without owning even one Barbie doll?

Answer: Me.

I was just never that into her— American Girl dolls were always more my thing. (Mom and Dad, I’m still waiting for that American Girl doll you promised me oh, 20 years ago…) So I surprised even myself when I offered to interview author (and full disclosure, Stef’s aunt) Tanya Lee Stone about her new book the Good, the Bad and the Barbie.

While I may never have owned a Barbie doll growing up, Barbie has affected my life, and arguably every other little girl’s life in America, since Ruth Handler introduced her to the world in 1959. Recently, I sat down with Tanya to chat about Barbie the icon, why she wrote a book about such a polarizing figure and whether or not Barbie is Jewish.

Oy!Chicago: What is your background?
Tanya:  I was a children's book editor for a long time, but when we moved to Vermont 14 years ago, I took that opportunity to try my hand at writing professionally. I have always written, and was an English major at Oberlin. That, combined with my editorial experience, made for a nice transition into a writing life. I have been steadily publishing books for kids and older readers for more than a decade now.

How did you come up with the idea to write a book about Barbie?
I was thinking about icons in our culture and how they come to be. Around the same time, the editor of my book Up Close: Ella Fitzgerald (Viking) had asked me to think about doing another book in that series. When I thought about the criteria for the series—an American icon, 20th century figure, someone that kids would know...I thought Barbie fit the bill pretty well. She laughed, but when I told her I was serious and that there was a really interesting back story there about the woman who invented Barbie and all kinds of meat to get into in terms of topics related to the doll, she realized I was on to something!

As a self-proclaimed feminist writer, why write a book about such a polarizing and some would say anti-feminist figure?
Things that are polarizing are always interesting and thought-provoking, otherwise they wouldn't be controversial. I like to dig underneath and find out where the controversy is coming from in the first place. What's the back story, the origin of the invention, the context of the inventor—why did a woman invent Barbie, and why this woman—this Jewish entrepreneur, Ruth Handler? I was never a Barbie girl, but that is not because the doll struck an angry chord in me. I was just too much of a tomboy to be interested in dolls. And I always thought it was interesting that people could be so up in arms about a bit of plastic. I wanted to explore why a plastic doll could be so vilified and thought of as anti-feminist. What lies beneath such strong feelings? The little I knew about Ruth Handler did not fit in with the urban myth that Barbie was created to make girls feel badly about themselves. I wanted to examine Barbie's beginnings and see for myself what all the fuss was about. 

Do you think Ruth Handler realized she was creating such a powerful icon?
I suspect she had a pretty good idea, and it was certainly her intention to create something spectacular for her company, but she may not have realized the full extent of what Barbie would become, and how influential she would be. Ruth was a very powerful person in her own right. Her picture should be next to the word chutzpah in the urban dictionary.

Why do you think Barbie is such an icon?
I think that Ruth's original intention—to create an attractive yet malleable fashion doll that little girls could pin their hopes and dreams on, and let their imaginations soar—is still at the root of why the doll appeals to kids. Even though Barbie's face and outfits have morphed and changed, she is actually still kind of bland-looking, if you ask me. And that's what Ruth was going for. I don't know, maybe it's the Jewish perspective of both Ruth's and mine, but I find the more ethnic-looking dolls much more interesting and appealing than the regular blonde Barbie with the perky nose. And honestly, I think that's how Ruth saw her, as a kind of blank slate on which girls could impose themselves. 

What do you think Barbie says about our culture?
Well, I think the consumerism Barbie triggers is the part that bothers me the most about our culture. It's not enough to have one Barbie, is it? The materialistic machine is in full gear here, driving the desire for kids to collect more and more and more and more. It's not really about the doll itself, it's about the accessories—all that stuff. I think that says a lot about our culture.

I found the chapter about Barbie as art particularly interesting, what do you think it is about Barbie that inspires artists?
I loved researching that chapter! I was amazed at how many different ways artists manipulated the doll and how she inspires a variety of artists to rethink what she means to them. I think artists are drawn to playing with the stereotypes about women and body image, and re-shaping them to fit their own visions. It's a creative and powerful way to make a statement about feminism, culture, icons...the list is long. And she most definitely brings out the mischievous side in artists. "You want me to play with Barbie? Oh, I'll play with Barbie!"

Is Barbie Jewish or Jew-ish?
Ha! Well, since both of her parents were Jewish, I think she qualifies as Jewish—but I don't think she's very Jew-ish!

Were you surprised by all of the responses you got from people about Barbie? Did it change the direction of your book? Overall, did you find people to be more pro- or anti-Barbie?
I was surprised by the sheer volume of responses I got—probably about 500 emails within a couple of months. For a nonfiction book request, that's a lot! But I think what startled me most of all was the near even split down the middle between love and hate. Passionate responses from both sides of the fence, but even within age groups, the anti or pro was spread evenly. I had 16-year-old girls write and tell me that Barbie never made them feel badly about their bodies, and 16-year-old girls who said they could never live up to the perfection and that it damaged them. And stories came in from people ages 6-70 and from both genders, so I think the 50/50 element was the most surprising of all.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to our Oy!Chicago readers?
I personally took great pleasure in learning that one of the biggest toy giants in the world was founded by a newly married Jewish couple who simply wanted to create their life the way they saw fit. He was an artist, she was a savvy entrepreneur with no lack of confidence whatsoever. She looked at his creations and said (paraphrasing)—those are beautiful and I can sell them. And voila—a toy giant was born. I also love the fact that Ruth never apologized for who she was. She was certainly aware of criticisms of the doll but always stood her ground. She knew her intentions, she knew her goals, she knew what she wanted girls to take from Barbie. Agree or disagree with her, Ruth Handler was one strong woman who shaped her own life and continued to until the day she died.

Photo credit: Robert Kusel

&*#$@*!

What happens at the Big Event stays at the Big Event.

To invoke an overused, yet fitting phrase in this case, those words came to mind while watching comedian/writer/actress Sarah Silverman perform her funny, crass, and sometimes controversial stand-up act on Saturday night at the JUF’s Young Leadership Division’s (YLD) third annual Big Event, held at the Sheraton Chicago. And it really was a “big event.” Launching YLD’s 2011 Campaign, YLD’s Big Event drew more than 1,500 people, making it the single largest YLD event in history.

In her detached, little-girl voice persona, Silverman—consistent with her usual social commentary-brand of humor—tackled taboo subjects like stereotypes, mocking her fellow members of the tribe, Jewish persecution, racism, sexism, and other touchy isms.

Her act makes my task of summarizing her routine for readers an arduous one.

‘Maybe I can write “bleep” or “&*#$@*!” every time Silverman utters something too racy for JUF News publication,’ I thought to myself cartoon bubble-style during a raunchy song she sang during her act.

But then, I figured, every other word would be &*#$@*!

So, instead of relaying every detail of her act, I forewarn you that there might be a few holes in my story.

While the crowd roared during most of her act, Silverman broke the fourth wall between her and the audience when one of her jokes on the subject of stereotypes fell flat. She analyzed the inner-workings of her shtick, explaining why she broaches taboo subjects in her act. “I like to take the air, the power out of words,” she said.

In contrast with the crowd of young Jews in festive attire, the beautiful comedian was clad in her usual casual sportswear, a hoodie, and a messy ponytail, making her look like she’d just gotten off the elliptical machine. Yet that didn’t stop a large contingent of my male friends in the audience from declaring their huge crushes on the comedian.

Her Torah portion would have been off the charts
“Is anyone here Jewish?” Silverman asked the humongous crowd of young Jews at the event.

The youngest of four daughters (including Silverman’s sister, who is a rabbi living in Jerusalem), Silverman grew up in a non-Jewish neighborhood of New Hampshire in a non-observant Jewish household. “I never really felt any different from my [non-Jewish] friends other than being coated in hair,” Silverman said. “I never had a bat mitzvah,” divulged the comedian, “but if I did, my Torah portion would have been off the charts.”

Silverman jokes lovingly about her divorced parents in both her recent autobiography “The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee” (HarperCollins Publishers) and in her act. The best advice she ever got, she told the crowd, came from her mother after Silverman was heartbroken over a breakup. “Don’t let this keep you from falling in love because it’s worth the pain of taking the chance to have love,” her mother told her. “It’s not funny,” Silverman told the crowd, “but it’s true.”

Single and 39, Silverman says she doesn’t want to get married, but she does hope to find love. She also broached wanting to have children someday after her “whimsical” days are over. She said she’s considered adoption and surrogacy. “I feel like I’m so busy and so popular that I would probably have a surrogate have my baby,” she said. “And I’m so busy and so popular that I would probably have a surrogate raise my baby.”

“Are you guys having a good time?” she asked the crowd midway through the show. “I know I’m fishing but…you have a long night ahead. I don’t know how you do it. I have to get home and watch Law and Order immediately…I can’t go to sleep without a rape and murder.”  

At one point in the show, someone heckled Silverman from the audience. “When people yell out,” she said, “I just want to hold them and hug them and tell them ‘it’s okay.’”

Scrabble points
Following her standup, Silverman answered questions in a Q and A format with Brad Morris—a Jewish comedian, actor, and writer originally from Chicago, who has performed at Second City. She also answered questions e-mailed earlier in the week to YLD and from the audience directly.

When asked why so many Jews perform comedy, she replied, “We become funny at a young age because we need to be. It’s a Jewish survival skill.”

Then, Morris read an e-mail from a young Jewish woman. “You don’t want to get married…Why shouldn’t I get married?” “It’s just not my cup of tea,” said Silverman. “…You have to decide what makes you happy…I also don’t personally want to get married because not everyone can. It’s like joining a club that doesn’t allow Jews or Blacks.”

Morris closed the evening with a pressing question, asking the comedian which word she’s more partial to—schmuck or putz. “Schmuck is in my life more,” she said, “but putz is a great scrabble word.”
 
Thank you to YLD’s Big Event Supporting Sponsors Eleven City Diner, CAR Leasing, Inc., Chubb Group of Insurance Companies, and Event Sponsor Steve’s Deli.

You all remember her. The cute little New York Jewish girl was on all of our television screens when we were children. She sang songs, and became one of our favorite characters. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

Lamb Chop.

This sock puppet sheep rose to fame with Shari Lewis, her puppeteer, and was a fixture in most households with young children. In 1998, however, tragedy struck, and Shari died of viral pneumonia at age 65 while undergoing treatment for uterine cancer. It seemed as if Lamb Chop could also be gone for good. And then came Mallory Lewis.

Mallory, daughter of Shari, took over her mother’s legacy and brought Lamb Chop back to the spotlight, performing at state fairs all over the country. While flying through Chicago, in between state fairs and doing a television segment for WGN, Mallory sat down with Oy!Chicago, and gave us some insight into her life as Shari’s daughter, Lamb Chop’s sister, military enthusiast, and skydiving extraordinaire.

Oy!Chicago: So tell me a little about yourself.
Mallory Lewis: My name is Mallory Lewis, I’m a Cancer and I like long walks on the beach…I went to Beverly Hills High School, yes, 90210! And then I went to Barnard College Columbia University. I majored in anthropology, “the study of man!” It has had nothing to do with my life today at all in the slightest! I chose anthropology because I was always interested in evolution but also because at the end of my sophomore year I had the most classes in that. So that worked out.

And what did you do after college?
After college I started out being the eastern regional sales manager for New World Pictures Home Video. This was back in the days when home video first came out, when the choice was beta as the format or VHS. And then I went on to work for RCA Columbia Pictures, and then freelancing with some smaller companies. I moved to Los Angeles, back home, and then I worked in publicity, which most young, talkative, Jewish girls do at some point! And then I started writing. Now I had actually been writing for my mom [Shari Lewis] since I was about 12. And then I started writing for her TV series and Lamp Chop’s Play Along, and then became the producer on that and Charlie Horse Mystic Pizza, and all of the specials. And while I was doing that I started skydiving, for fun, and I met my husband there, and we have an 11-year-old son named James Abraham Tarcher Hood. And when my mom died I started performing with Lamb Chop. So that’s sort of what happened in the last 20 some odd years.

How was it growing up with Lamb Chop?
It was great growing up with Lamb Chop. Mom was very smart and I can only do what I do today because I watched her do it. Because the biggest part of what I do is not the performing although that seems like the biggest part. The biggest part is knowing how to get to the studio on time for a 6am taping, how to deal with the people backstage, deal with agents, deal with the public, deal with very nice interviewers sitting across the table from you who even when they smile don’t have any wrinkles which is kind of irritating! You know my mom led by example, and she really set a very good example for how to be Shari Lewis, I guess would be the way to describe it. She was a good mom, she was fun.

One of the main reasons I started doing Lamb Chop was because I was pregnant when my mom died and I didn’t know how to be a mother without Lamb Chop in my life. And by that I mean my son has had an hour in an F-18 simulator at Miramar Naval Base, he travels to state fairs with me, he has been all around the world because being Lamb Chop’s kid is a great, fun thing to be. And so I couldn’t let that die out of my life and I certainly couldn’t let him not have that specialness in his life.

And how was it growing up with Shari Lewis as your mother?
It was great having Mom as a mom. I didn’t learn as much from her as I should have when I was younger. It wasn’t until I had to be her that I understood the lessons that she was trying to teach me. She used to say things like, “The day begins the night before.” Okay, well that made me want to barf. You know, I was just a normal teenager. But what she meant was, I had a 5:30 wakeup this morning and I was lights out by 9:30 last night because the day begins the night before. I had my clothes laid out, I was ready and I was organized. She set an amazing example on the sets; she was the first one there and the last one to leave. Always. And she and I actually used to have a little contest to see who could get to the set first until finally my producing partner got us both sitting down and goes, “That’s it you two! You’ve made the Kraft Service girl cry three days in a row because you’re here before her! And she can’t get here fast enough!” So she just set a good example and as a mom now, I realize how difficult the number of choices she had to make were. Because you can’t have it all at the same time. Absolutely can’t. I’m so glad that I did not get a TV show with Lamb Chop, which I had been trying for when my son was little, because I wouldn’t have been as good a mom. I wouldn’t have been there. Now my son is older, now my son comes with me. He understands and I had the chance to mold his little self.

When in your life did you realize just how famous Lamb Chop was?
When did I realize how big Lamb Chop was? Well, Mom was off the TV for the sort of crucial five years of my generation. The 4-9, you know when things make an impression on you. And I went to Beverly High, I was at school with huge stars’ kids, so it didn’t feel that big. It felt bigger when we were on the road. Because outside of Los Angeles, you know, in Malibu I don’t feel slim, but when I travel the rest of the country I’m like, “Wow, I am skinny!” But when you live in the shiny bubble, you don’t feel particularly shiny. It’s only when you get out of the shiny bubble that you’re like, “Wow, look at that! I sparkle!” So what’s really sweet is now I do a huge amount of work for the USO and for the troops. And the troops are all 18-30—which is the key pocket for Mom right now because of Lamb Chop’s Play Along. And it’s so nice for me because I have no pretentions that it’s me, I mean it’s this wonderful and amazing character. And so whenever I’m autographing I usually just do Lamb Chop’s autograph which is her little face, and people say, “Oh, aren’t you going to sign your name?” and I’m like, “Oh! Okay!” And sometimes people will call me Shari by mistake and then they’ll go, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” And I’m like, okay, I’ve dyed my hair red, the puppet’s on my hand, I have false eyelashes glued to my face, really, you think I’m going to be offended by that? It’s the ultimate compliment. It’s not like they called me Hitler!

So there are no feelings of competition between Lamb Chop’s character/fame and you?
I don’t know, I’m just not competitive with a sock. But also, she’s mine, so why would I be competitive with her? I’m proud of her! Someone once met me at the airport with a big sign that said Lamb Chop, you know a car company, and the guy goes, “Sorry, is this okay that the sign says Lamb Chop?” And I said, well as long as I don’t have to ride in the trunk then I’m good with it! She’s the one in the trunk! I’m comfortable.

And when did you decide to continue on with Lamb Chop’s performances?
I decided to keep Lamb Chop’s legacy alive. When my mom died I was eight weeks pregnant and I spent most of my pregnancy and most of the first six months of his life accepting posthumous awards for my mom. Until one day my husband looked at me and said, “Sweetie we cannot make a living of this so either go back to producing or put the puppet on.” And so I did. And the first thing she said was at a charity event run by Pat Proft (who wrote Airplane and stuff like that). I put her in the podium because I didn’t want to commit to doing it, and I put her on and just said “Shari would be so proud.” And then in the audience there was silence and then a gasp and then a round of applause. And I thought, okay, I can do this. And then I started by doing like two minutes, a three-minute routine, a five-minute routine, and seven-minute routine, you know I just had to build a routine. Because even though I knew how to do the puppet I didn’t know any material. So that’s the how and when I started.

So how did you figure out the material for the routine?
I was always Lamb Chop’s head writer.  So some of it was mom’s material, more in the beginning—because Lamb Chop is Mom’s daughter, she’s my sister. So now it’s a very different relationship. She has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever.

So what do you do differently with Lamb Chop than what your mother did?
The one thing that I do differently than my mom is that I always have children onstage with me. My mom was an extremely good performer. She was incredibly precise. She ran a much tighter show than I do. She didn’t mess around, I guess. I happen to be a very loose performer. I love having kids onstage. There’s just nothing cuter than a little two-year-old. I once had a little girl who was sitting on my lap onstage after a number, and she holds up this little red bag and goes, “I have a puhse!” I said, “Oh really? What’s in your ‘puhse?’” and the audience starts to laugh immediately, and she goes “Whipstick!” and she holds up a lipstick. And then she goes, “And I don’t know what this is, my mommy gave it to me.” And she holds up a tampon. So the audience starts to roar with laughter, and I go, “Well you can ask mommy about that, here she comes! She’s the one with the really red face!” So I love playing with the kids onstage. So I do that differently than my mom.

What is your favorite part of working with Lamb Chop?
My favorite part of working with Lamb Chop is the USO stuff. It is the most amazing honor to be able to work with the troops. They are all Play Along kids and I had a really emotional experience happen at a fair. There was this very tall guy who came to the autographing. He said that during one of the really bad firefights the guys had started singing the song that doesn’t end, and they didn’t let it stop until they had won. And they sang for four hours, like different people would be singing. And I was told that also by a colonel, and he said that when the guys were on point they were scared. And they would sing, “This is the war that doesn’t end.” So my greatest joy is to do things for the military and their families. That is unbelievable. But it’s just all the love that people give me. It is just like a giant massage, it’s so nice.

Did you ever envision Lamb Chop reaching so many different people, like the troops and their families?
I always knew Lamb Chop had a million ways of reaching people. Because I worked as my mom’s producer, I saw it all. Mom was extremely focused on what she was doing. She never did USO work though—at least not as far as I know—and I feel so sorry for her that she missed that. Because that’s an aspect that it’s just unbelievable, because when you live in the world of “Oh my latte’s too cold!” and then you go to see people who, you know, we have a volunteer military! These are not people being forced to give up their lives and their families’ lives to protect our country, they are doing it because they really believe, even if they don’t believe in the war, even if they don’t believe in the Commander in Chief, it doesn’t matter. They believe in the republic. And they believe that they have a responsibility to protect it. It is so humbling being with members of the military.

Have you ever been formally recognized for your work with Lamb Chop?
We got the Palmer Vision Award, the Kids First Award, I just got one the other day, the UNIMA award, which is for excellence in performance and UNIMA is the international puppetry association. My mom won the UNIMA award 20 years before me.

So it’s like things came full circle?
There’s an awful lot of that. Most of the time I walk around happy, but if you could just add a zero to all my paychecks then I’d be really happy. But other than that, it’s okay. And I love performing with Lamb Chop, she really helps me feel close to my mom. Which is really nice because she [Shari] was my best friend. I miss my mom. You can remarry, you can’t remommy. So it’s wonderful.

What are you most proud of outside of your work with Lamb Chop?
The thing that I’m most proud of outside of Lamb Chop is Jump for the Cause. Jump for the Cause is a women’s world record skydiving event that my girlfriend Kate Cooper and I organized for the last 10 years. We’ve raised over 2 million dollars for breast cancer research. And we bring in the top female skydivers from around the world for a week where we build new freefall records. I had started organizing it before I had my son, and had to stop jumping because I was pregnant. And then all of a sudden after I had Jamie, what had seemed like the only way to spend my weekends, for years, turned into, “Really? Jumping out of a plane? But I have a baby!” All of a sudden my mother brain kicked in, which is a whole different brain than my “Wheeeee!” brain. So I still organize the events but I no longer skydive actively. The first time I jumped, I jumped because someone in the studio said something about skydiving and I said, “Oh I’d love to do that” and my mom goes, “I forbid you to do it.” So of course being the mature 28-year-old that I was, I went skydiving. I hated the plane ride, I hated freefall, I hated the canopy riding, I hated the landing, and the first thing out of my mouth was, “Wow, that was great, can we go again?”

Do you see Lamb Chop as more than just a puppet?
Am I insane? Is that the question? Well actually she is more than just a puppet. Sometimes when there is such a well-drawn character, it has a life of its own. And sort of like Tinkerbell, if you don’t believe, she died. Well Lamb Chop has touched so many millions of people that their love for her has imbued her with a certain amount of life. I mean obviously I know she’s a sock, I’ve been there when they make her. But once she comes to life she is more than the sum of her parts. When I was a little girl, I would talk to her. And I could tell Lamb Chop anything and I never got in trouble. Like I could tell her that I left my new sweater at school and I don’t know where it is, you know the big crimes that an eight-year-old-commits, and she never told my mom.

So she was like your confidant.
Yeah! I still don’t think Mom knows about that. So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

So where do you see Lamb Chop going in the future?
I would love to have another TV series. I think Lamb Chop will continue to be an ambassador that brings out a lovely side of people. When she’s there, people are nicer, I don’t really know how else to explain it. They’re happier, and I think that’s why she works so well for the troops, because she reminds them of a time when nobody was shooting at them. Where things weren’t blowing up.

So would you say Lamb Chop is mainly for kids? Or do you think there are other audiences that would enjoy your routines?
I like children’s entertainment, I like kids very much, but I also have a nightclub routine that I do with Lamb Chop.

Really? A Lamb Chop routine in a nightclub?
It’s on Youtube, and it’s called “Lamb Chop After Dark.” I really try and keep my two worlds fairly separate. Lamb Chop never is X-rated but she does come out wearing a burqa. And it’s politically downhill from there. She’s a very liberal Jewish puppet. Sarah Palin takes quite a beating during this routine. I mean, my humor, I’m more politically incorrect, but even when I don’t have Lamb Chop on my hand, I am still representing my mom, so all the material is just double entendres, it never crosses the line into anything that truly would be inappropriate. And you can deliver a line in a million different ways. So what I deliver with a giggle and a smile during my kids show, I do with a bit more of a shimmy and a smirk in my adult show.

Do you think being Jewish affects how you perform in any way?
Oh totally, being Jewish completely affects my performances. A woman came up to me at my last show and she goes, “Hey we have a lot in common!” and I immediately knew she was Jewish. I mean in Ohio it’s not hard to spot the Jews because there are three of them. And she said, “My mother was a Jewish ventriloquist too.” So I’m like, “Wait, come back after the show, we gotta talk.” So she and her husband the cantor come back and by the end of the conversation I got a gig coming up at their temple during Chanukah. So being Jewish really affects my performances. The Jews turn out for the Jews. Also, Lamb Chop is Jewish. I mean she is clearly Jewish, very publicly Jewish, and so her whole personality is a little New York Jewish girl. I mean she doesn’t daven, so the whole country can connect with her.

Has she ever gotten you into any trouble on the road?
No, she hasn’t caused any trouble on the road, but she has gotten me out of a couple speeding tickets! This one time, a cop pulls me over, and he goes, “What were you thinking?!?” So I just pulled out Lamb Chop and got out of a ticket. She often gets me upgraded because I’ll go up to the first class counter and I’ll assume shock, “Oh I’m not in first class?” And then Lamb Chop will say, “Well I’ll have no objection to being upgraded.” And sometimes that works. So she never gets me into trouble, she gets me out of trouble on the road.

Is there anything else you want the Oy!sters to know?
Thank you for being fans of Lamb Chop. And I’m more than willing to come to a college near you and do my nightclub routine!

Okay, you’ve got to be a bit curious to hear what shocking things—and you know they’ll be shocking—will come out of comedian Sarah Silverman’s mouth at JUF’s Young Leadership Division’s (YLD) third annual Big Event Nov. 6.

Silverman, usually clad in her trademark hoodie/sweat pants combo, is no stranger to controversy. A stand-up comedian, writer, and film and TV star, Silverman wears her identity as a Jewish woman on her sleeve. Her social commentary-brand of humor never shies away from mocking her fellow members of the tribe and hitting taboo subjects like religion (her own and others too), bigotry, racism, sexism, and other touchy “isms” in her act.

YLD’s third annual Big Event, on Saturday, Nov. 6, at 8pm, will feature an evening of stand-up comedy with Silverman. The event, to be held at the Sheraton Chicago, will include dessert reception, open bar, after party, and late night snacks.

Last year, YLD’s Big Event, which featured “Saturday Night Live” star Andy Samberg, drew more than 1,000 people, making it the single largest YLD event in history. This time around, YLD hopes to draw an even larger crowd—both to entertain and to spread the word about the important work of the Jewish United Fund/Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago.

“We’re excited to spend an evening with so many of our YLD supporters,” said Justin Brown, YLD’s 2011 Campaign vice president. “We hope to break last year’s attendance and we’re excited to introduce new people to YLD as well. People are really excited about Silverman’s unique brand of stand-up comedy. We’re getting really good buzz about it.”

Among Silverman’s credits are the 2005 feature film of her one woman show “Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic” and the Comedy Central show “The Sarah Silverman Program.”

The show, which ran from 2007-2010, chronicled the adventures of a fictionalized version of Silverman, her sister Laura (played by her real sister), and their friends. Silverman also appeared on such shows as “Saturday Night Live,” “Seinfeld,” and “The Larry Sanders Show.”

Silverman’s comedy got political during the 2008 presidential campaign. The comedian teamed up on a hilarious grassroots project called “The Great Schlep,” to urge Jewish grandchildren to travel to Florida to convince their grandparents to vote for Barack Obama.

This spring, Silverman released her autobiography “The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee” (HarperCollins Publishers), which offers a mix of the usual Silverman humor with more sobering subjects, including her lifelong battle with clinical depression and the accidental death of her baby brother. As the title of the book hints, she writes a lot about her struggle with bedwetting from the time she was a little girl well into her teens.

The comedian, the youngest of four daughters, was raised in New Hampshire in a non-observant Jewish household. She pokes fun in her act at her loving parents who divorced (her mother was George McGovern’s personal campaign photographer and her father, a social worker by training, ran the discount clothing store “Crazy Sophie’s Outlet.”) One of Silverman’s sisters is a rabbi living on a kibbutz in Israel, married with five children.

“I don’t remember if I mentioned this to you before, but I am Jewish,” Silverman writes 20 pages from the end of her book, a joke because she’s so famously branded as a Jewish comedian. She says “she accepts the responsibilities, limitations, and consequences” that come with being Jewish. But, at the same time, she jokes “she has no background of participation in Jewish traditions other than nausea.”

Silverman covers taboo topics in her cool, somewhat detached, little-girl-voice persona. But really, she figures, her humor allows her to tackle the “ugliest, most terrifying things in the world,” she writes in her book.

“Adopting a persona at once ignorant and arrogant allowed me to say what I didn’t mean, even preach the opposite of what I believed,” she writes. “For me, it was a funny way to be sincere. And like the jokes in a roast, the hope is that the genuine sentiment—maybe even a goodness underneath the joke (however brutal) transcends.”

Register online . Tickets to YLD’s Big Event cost $80 per person (not tax-deductible) and require a gift to the 2011 JUF Annual Campaign. The minimum requirement is a match or increase to your previous JUF gift. If you have not given to JUF in the past, you are required to make a gift. Attendance to the event signifies your consent. For more information, contact the YLD office at (312) 357-4880 or  YLD@JUF.org .

This event is for ages 21 and over only—Please keep in mind that this event is R-rated and JUF has no control over the content of Sarah Silverman’s program.

Jay Leno needs no introduction. After years of working his way up in the standup scene, the comedian became a household name when he took the reins of NBC’s The Tonight Show in 1992. This March marked the beginning of his 18th season as host of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Leno recently made headlines when he reclaimed the late night spotlight from Conan O’Brien and returned to host The Tonight Show after a brief six month move to primetime. Despite taking some flack in the media, Leno is regarded as one of the nicest and hardest workers in show business.

Usually the one asking the questions, Leno took some time to answer our questions leading up to his visit to Chicago for JUF’s Vanguard Dinner this Sunday, Oct. 24.

The iconic funnyman shares an odd experience in the Catskills, tells us his take on Jewish humor, and explains why he loves working with his famous collection of cars and motorcycles.

Oy!Chicago: We’re going to see you here October for a Jewish Federation dinner. Do you tailor your stand up routine based on your audience?
Jay Leno: I remember years ago, I had an agent in New York City and he says, ‘oh you’re going up to a resort in the Catskills, I booked you up there.’ He didn’t tell me it was a Chasidic resort. I pull up and the marquee says ‘Jay Leno, Jewish storyteller.’ This agent had booked me as a Jewish storyteller. And I go there and everybody’s Chasidic and they’re all speaking Yiddish and I walked out on stage and first, they were surprised that I’m speaking English, and I was like ‘um guys, I’m not…I’m Italian and the agent uh kind of…, and they were very nice they were really nice people and I was a kid—I was like 20 years old. It’s just very funny. It’s just one of those sort of odd things.

It just seems like an important event to do. I like people who are proud of what they are, whatever group it might be. I like people who take care of their own and are proud of what they do and everyone should be proud of who and what they are. Organizations that do that are good organizations, whether it’s Jewish or any other.

You once told a colleague that there's no such thing as a stereotypical Jewish mother because all mothers are Jewish mothers. Is there such a thing as Jewish humor?
Any people that have gone through hardship—the best way to deal with it is through humor, so I think there obviously is sort of a Jewish sense of humor. I’m not quite sure how you would define it. Jewish people put such a heavy emphasis on family and education, and that type of thing, and there are stories in the Jewish culture about how important that is, and those tend to be funny stories, in terms of being protective or whatever it might be. To me, Jewish mom is just another word for good mom. So if you call someone a Jewish mother, you’re giving them a compliment. But yeah, of course there is Jewish humor. It’s one of those things, it’s cultural, it comes from where you grew up; it comes from constantly living in one world and having to deal with another.

Who is your favorite Jewish comedian of all time?
Well when I was a kid, my mother loved Myron Cohen. My mother had a very hard life—she came to this country by herself when she was 11. My mom’s natural inclination was not necessarily to smile. She wasn’t a depressed person, but whenever I’d look at my mom as a kid, my inclination was always to do something to try to make her laugh. Whenever Myron Cohen was on TV, my mother used to laugh out loud and I used to think, ‘I wanna be like that Jewish guy.’

I think my mother’s favorite Myron Cohen story was the one about a Jewish grandmother who takes a kid to the beach. She’s been trusted with watching the child and she puts the child down on the sand. She takes a couple of steps [back] and a big wave comes in and washes the baby into the ocean. Right away the Jewish grandmother [begins to pray]: ‘Oh my God. I was left with this child, my only grandchild, please God I’ll do anything, I’ll do anything, I’ll go to temple,’ and on and on… Finally a big wave comes back and drops the kid on the beach totally unharmed and she walks over to the kid and looks up at the sky and says, ‘he had a hat.’

Jackie Mason, Alan King… The best comedians are always the Jewish comedians…

In your autobiography you say you are incapable of taking a vacation. Is that why you continue performing standup on your time off from The Tonight Show?
If you’re doing what you like, it’s not really work. I like to tell jokes; it’s fun. The stage is not a normal place to be, so the more you’re on stage the more natural it becomes to you and that’s really the key. If you’re a runner you can’t just do marathons, you’ve gotta run every day and it’s the same thing with comedy. You’ve gotta perform at least two or three times a week to keep yourself sharp and keep on the ball.

What is your favorite Tonight Show segment?
To me I like the Jaywalking and the Headlines.

Who is the coolest person you’ve interviewed to date?
Coolest interview would have to be President Obama.

Do you have a favorite car or motorcycle in your collection?
If I had a favorite I wouldn’t have all those cars! When you work with your hands you get a sense of perspective. Comedy is very subjective; some people thinks it’s funny and some people think it’s not, and neither one of them is correct. It’s what works for you. But when you have something that is broken and you repair it, and it actually runs, no one can say you didn’t fix it. Plus, when you work with your hands and you put a transmission in or you put in an engine, and you realize the average person made $100 bucks for that, you realize how fortunate you are to be in show business.

Like many women, Chicagoan Erin Rutman was disappointed by the lack of cute maternity clothing available during her recent pregnancy, but not for her…for her husband, Jonathan. So she decided to do something about it and launched BellyMan, a clothing line for the hubbies who are expecting, but don’t have growing bumps to announce the news. Erin describes the line of vintage due-date tees as the next best thing in maternity wear for the “other” half.

While not working on her clothing line, Erin is a busy mom to two girls and she’s also the chair of PJ Library in Chicago, a free program that delivers young children Jewish books and music each month.

So, if you want to wear your paternity proudly, enjoy giving back to the community or laugh at the comedy of Adam Sandler, Erin Rutman is a Jew You Should Know!

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
I can be found googling the latest trends in men’s fashion and keeping up to speed on the maternity industry by reading and tracking dozens of mommy bloggers.

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
I have never been to Israel so that would at the top of my list.

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
I was shopping in a kids store on Armitage and the owner asked me to take off my sunglasses to make sure I was telling her the truth that I indeed was not Anne Hathaway.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
I love Adam Sandler. I never had the chance to meet my Dad's mom Ida (who my daughter Isabelle is named after).

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
Sleeping in past 6am (thanks to my beautiful daughters).

6. What do you love about what you do?
When we were expecting our first daughter, (who now has a little sister!) there was absolutely nothing available for the dad-to-be, except a handful of gimmicky items. From that moment, my mission was to create a line of due date shirts available for men to help share in the pregnancy pride. And, alas, four years later, came BellyMan (sometimes known as our 3rd child)!

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
Photographer.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
Celebrating Shabbat with my family.

Breast cancer awareness, fundraising, and support are finally reaching Israel. This October 28 presents a milestone: the first Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure® in Israel. And while the time to register as a delegate has closed, interested parties may still register as a virtual participant online.

A VIP—or Virtual Israel Participant—is a new option for those people who want to participate but can’t travel to Israel for any number of reasons. VIPs receive their own Israel Race website page to personalize with photos and stories, to raise awareness and funds, and to honor someone affected by breast cancer. VIPs also can form virtual race teams, complete with T-shirts and special race bibs marking this historic event.

“The Race for the Cure is a powerful way for schools, churches, synagogues and local organizations to participate by walking, running and forming race teams to support breast cancer survivors, their families and friends in Israel, and around the world, in a fun and meaningful way,” says Stephanie Siegel, a breast cancer survivor who is co-chair of the Israel delegation trip and board member of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure® Advocacy Alliance, the c4 sister organization to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®.

Building on its long-standing mission to end breast cancer on a global scale, Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, the world’s largest breast cancer organization, is partnering with the City of Jerusalem, Hadassah, the Women’s Zionist Organization of America, health advocates and scientists for a week of events in Israel to examine major scientific issues in breast cancer while advancing the international breast cancer movement. During the week, Komen is calling together leading researchers and clinicians for a separate, invitation-only Think Tank designed to jump-start new thinking on breast cancer screening and risk assessment methodologies. The main event surrounded by the research and conversations is the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure® around the walls of Jerusalem on Oct. 28.

“Jerusalem is a site of great historic significance to people of all faiths. It will be very meaningful to see people of all religions and nationalities racing as one toward a common goal of ending suffering from breast cancer, while also celebrating those who are living with and conquering this disease, whether they join us in person or in spirit from anywhere in the world,” says Ambassador Nancy G. Brinker, founder and CEO of Susan G. Komen for the Cure®.

This is not the first time that Susan G. Komen for the Cure® is going global, however. This mission trip is similar to those Komen has sponsored in recent years to the Middle East, Western Europe and Africa to build on the momentum of the global breast cancer movement. It is, however, the first time such an event has been held in Israel.

As a breast cancer fundraising enthusiast, I am extremely proud to see that this event has finally reached Israel. Somewhere in the world, a woman dies of breast cancer every 68 seconds, and in Israel, breast cancer remains the most common form of women’s cancer and is growing, accounting for nearly 30 percent of all new cancer cases in the country. About 4,000 people are diagnosed with breast cancer in Israel each year. Since 1982, Susan G. Komen for the Cure® has granted nearly $2 million to organizations in Israel including the Weizmann Institute of Science, Hebrew University-Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, Beit Natan and Life’s Door. This new week-long event provides opportunities to continue Komen’s long-standing partnerships in Israel and around the world with organizations such as the Jewish Joint Distribution Committee, as well as open doors to new collaborations with organizations such as the Israel Cancer Association.

Planning for the Israel events began more than a year ago with the support of Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat, who will help lead the Susan G. Komen Israel Race for the Cure®.

“As a runner myself, I know the power of these events to unite people toward a common purpose,” Barkat says. “We have many different religions and nationalities in Israel. This race brings them together in fellowship with all people who face the impacts of this terrible disease. I am honored to open the gates of our unique city to any and all people who want to see a cure for breast cancer in our lifetime."

Susan G. Komen for the Cure® was created by Nancy G. Brinker, when she promised her dying sister, Susan G. Komen, she would do everything in her power to end breast cancer forever. In 1982, that promise became Susan G. Komen for the Cure® and launched the global breast cancer movement. Today, Komen for the Cure is the world’s largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists fighting to save lives, empower people, ensure quality care for all and energize science to find the cures. Thanks to events like the Komen Race for the Cure®, more than $1.5 billion have been invested to fulfill that promise, becoming the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to the fight against breast cancer in the world. For more information about Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, breast health or breast cancer, visit komen.org or call 1-877 GO KOMEN.

When Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah was a child growing up in Ghana, the other kids wouldn’t play with him because he had a deformed leg.

But Yeboah wouldn’t let them burst his spirit. The boy, who came from a destitute family, got a part-time job shining shoes and earned enough money to buy a soccer ball to loan out to the other kids, also too poor to afford one. Yeboah told them they could use the ball on one condition—that they let him play soccer with them.

Now in his early 30s, Yeboah, a competitive cyclist and triathlete, possesses that same spirit. He is a champion for disabled people in his home country of Ghana and abroad, and the subject of the documentary “Emmanuel’s Gift” narrated by Oprah Winfrey. The Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center will present a discussion with Yeboah in a program called “Emmanuel’s Gift,” In Conversation with …Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah” at The Standard Club in Chicago on Thursday, Oct. 7.

The speaking engagement complements the current traveling exhibit “Deadly Medicine: Creating the Master Race”—produced by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum—which examines how individuals in professions traditionally charged with healing and public good use science to help legitimize Nazi policies.

The exhibit explores the Nazis’ use of Eugenics theory to define, persecute, and murder individuals and people of “inferior” races—including Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, the disabled, the mentally ill, and other minorities.

When Yeboah was born many people in Ghana believed that a disability is a curse from a deity. Disabled people account for 10% of the population of the country, some two million people, who had been treated as second-class citizens, expected to be beggars in the streets.

And that’s what was expected of Yeboah too. Because Yeboah was born disabled, his father abandoned his family, assuming his son’s life would be worthless. Yeboah’s mother became ill when he was a boy. Yeboah quit school, against his mother’s wishes, and moved to Ghana’s capital Accra, to earn more money as a shoe shiner—$2 per day—to help pay to support his mother.

Soon after, his mother passed away. After her death, it was her memory that motivated Yeboah to aspire to greatness. “My mother inspired me a lot in my life to do so many of the things that I do,” he said. “I believe that without my mom and God, it would have never been possible to do what I do. My mom wanted me to do more with my life.”

Despite all the obstacles that stood in his way, Yeboah persevered and became self-sufficient. To show that disability doesn’t mean inability, he bicycled 379 miles around Ghana using only his left leg.

Yeboah later traveled to California’s Loma Linda Hospital and was fit with a high-tech prosthetic leg, thanks to the Challenged Athletes Foundation. Weeks after his surgery, he was running, biking, and swimming in training for a triathlon.

He returned to his home country to a hero’s welcome. Galvanized by his success, 600 disabled people took to the streets to fight for equal rights. With a grant paid for by Nike, Yeboah helped facilitate in Ghana wheelchair construction, scholarships for disabled children, and sports team participation for the disabled. He also fought to make phone booths and libraries in the country wheelchair-accessible. The University of Dreams Foundation has also been assisting Yeboah in his efforts to bolster the disabled in Ghana.

Yeboah received Nike’s Casey Martin Award and is a co-recipient of the 2005 ESPN Arthur Ashe Courage Award. He continues to spread his vision through the Emmanuel Educational Foundation & Sports Academy for the Physically Challenged.

His life’s mission is to help disabled Ghanaians become contributing members of society treated with dignity. He inspires people all over the world, disabled and not, to live their best lives. “I believe I can share my life story with people to help them move forward in their life. They can use my life as an example,” he said.

The late Jim MacLaren, known as the fastest amputee athlete and later rendered a quadriplegic, helped inspire Yeboah to be a great athlete—and in turn the Ghanaian athlete inspired MacLaren. Interviewed in the documentary, MacLaren said, that instead of people saying of Yeboah, “‘Oh my God, thank God I’m not like him,’ they now say, ‘Oh my God, perhaps I can be more like him.’”

“Emmanuel’s Gift,” In Conversation with…Emmanuel Ofosu Yeboah” is generously sponsored by Bank of America. The Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center’s presentation of “Deadly Medicine: Creating the Master Race” is generously sponsored by the McCormick Foundation. The discussion with Yeboah is free with registration. Call (847) 967-4844 to reserve a ticket. The exhibit “Deadly Medicine: Creating the Master Race” will be on display through January 2, 2011. For more information, visit  www.ilholocaustmuseum.org/ .

As someone who is constantly (and mostly unsuccessfully) trying to set up her single friends, I was excited to meet Barbie Adler, a real, live matchmaker. As I toured her office, where words like LOVE, AMOR, and KISS ME are literally written on the walls in big wooden letters, it became clear that Barbie is not your traditional yenta.

Known as one of the industry’s most respected matchmakers, sought-after lifestyle management coaches and personal relationship experts, Barbie founded Selective Search Inc. in 2000, and it quickly grew to become the nation’s leading upscale, boutique personal matchmaking firm with an 88 percent success rate, the highest in the industry.

Continuing on my tour, I saw a wall of what appeared to be an endless collage of wedding and baby photos from her success stories (1,167 marriages resulting in 409 babies and counting to date) confirming that her approach—using the same methodologies of executive recruiters and headhunters to apply to personal matchmaking—truly work.

More than just cute shoes
Chicago born and bred, Barbie grew up in a traditional Jewish home, where her mom, a psychologist, often led communication, parenting and couple classes.

With her background in psychology and PR, Adler first found her professional niche in executive recruiting.

“It was so rewarding helping people find the right home for their work life,” she says. “Once I learned that formal methodology of screening and meeting candidates and clients and making a match professionally, I realized this is so needed in the personal space.”

So she applied those same principles she learned from executive recruiting and coupled them with her years of dating experience.

“I [took] everything that I knew didn’t work for me and everything I wished was there when I was single and created a company that would be a resource for people,” she says. “I really just thought I would make a difference in people’s lives and buy cute shoes and call it a day. I really didn’t have the foresight to make it the scaled company it is today.”

Once she found her true home, Barbie knew that she and matchmaking were beshert. “I love what I do and this is truly why I’m put on this planet. Being Jewish, marrying someone Jewish and now helping other singles meet someone Jewish is really important to me.”  

‘That’s how easy love can be’
So how does it all work?

When clients come to Selective Search, Inc., they are ready to settle down.

“They’ve already put their ego aside and they are asking for help,” Barbie says. “They realize meeting this person is more important than how they meet this person.”

They come in to Barbie’s office, complete with comfy chairs and private hallways so no two clients should ever meet, and sit down with Barbie or one of her matchmakers. Over a couple of hours, she really gets to know the client, inside and out, and then begins the intense and thorough search.

Barbie, who calls herself a “walking rolodex” first does an internal search of her database (women can join for free), followed by phone screenings and in-person interviews.

“When we’re that excited about her and she is looking for him just as much as he is looking for her, then we’ll tell both people about each other.”

And for some, that’s all it takes. According to their website, 30 percent of Selective Search Inc. clients couple up in the first introduction and 45 percent need only three introductions before forming exclusive relationships.

“There’s nothing better than [when] my phone rings and it’s the couple closing down the restaurant and they’re leaving me a voicemail,” she says. “That will never get old. I’ve been doing this for 10 years and I’m still the same excited person to hear the feedback after the date.”

Advice from the expert
I asked Barbie what advice she had for Jewish singles out there.

“I think the biggest thing is to really put the time—almost the amount of time you put into getting ahead professionally—into coming up with your own strategic game plan for yourself. That involves silencing your life and putting ‘you time’ on the calendar.”

When trying to meet someone, Barbie’s advice is to put yourself in new situations.

“Don’t just hang out with the same group of people. Mix it up. Make sure that you seem approachable, don’t stand in a pack of girls, or have a look on your face [that makes you seem unapproachable].” 

When you do go out on that date, make sure you’re the best version of yourself. Both emotionally and physically, she said. And watch your alcohol.

Once in a relationship, the first step is to make sure you are dating the kind of people you want to marry, that you can see yourself spending your life with. For people in their 20s, she said one of the big mistakes people make is not thinking long-term. 

“If you know in your heart that you’re with someone that you can never see yourself marrying, for whatever reason, don’t stay in the relationship just because it’s hard to break up and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings or you feel sorry for yourself that you have to go back out there,” she says. “The older you get it’s going to be harder to meet people. So, while you still have time on your side, even though it will hurt like heck, break up.”

For singles in their 30s, she said, the biggest challenge is to make sure you are carving out time to date. It can get challenging to find time for yourself, as your career starts to grow and you find yourself celebrating everyone else’s milestones.

Once you determine the type of person you are looking for, make sure that you are that type of person in return.

“If you’re looking for a guy who takes care of himself and is in great shape and athletic and you’re not doing the same for yourself, [you should] make sure that you are the person that your partner is going to want,” Barbie says. “I know that sounds cruel, but that’s life, right?” 

Yenta 101
Being the wannabe matchmaker that I am, I asked Barbie what advice she had for us amateur yentas out there.

Good matchmakers need to understand that it’s an emotional process, she says. They need to be good listeners and have love for both genders. People who get jealous when they see someone taller, thinner or more successful than them, have no business in this business.

“It’s not just like a product,” she says. “Because it’s such an important value in someone’s life, we take it so seriously.”

If you’re trying to set someone up, try asking the person what they’re really looking for. Ask them what’s worked for them in the past—what qualities made them fall in love and ultimately the things that didn’t work out.

And, she says, help your friends get out of their own way.

“‘What do you mean he has to have green eyes? Are you kidding? I’ll buy you a green plant.’ [Help them] get out of their own way with some of the stereotypes.”

Barbie, a former “heightist,” before she met her husband, is a living example by only dating people of a certain height, age or hair color, you’re only limiting yourself.

For two single friends, she suggests making a fun game out of it.

“Say you’re going find the next date for your friend and she’s going to find one for you and by Friday you have to make that happen,” she says. “It’s easier to pick someone else up if it’s not for you.”

Somewhere out there
“If you’re not making yourself or your love life your priority, only you can do that. You really need to be the change agent to make that happen,” Barbie says. “I always share the philosophy of you should be excited that you haven’t met this person yet because it just means that while you’re preparing to be the best version of yourself, just know that somewhere out there he’s doing the same for you.”

NEW YORK (Forward)—Every reality competition with judges has a “mean one": Simon Cowell’s scathing remarks made plenty of “American Idol” contestants cry.

For the first couple of seasons of “Top Chef,” the Emmy Award-winning Bravo TV series now in its seventh season, that judge was Gail Simmons.

But behind the scenes, the personality of the vivacious and fast-talking Simmons, who tap dances for the producers and refers to herself as the little sister of the show, stands in sharp contrast to her earlier television persona.

And now she has a new role: host and consulting producer of “Just Desserts,” a Bravo show that premiered Sept. 15 that challenges pastry chefs.

While Simmons, 34, a special projects manager at Food and Wine magazine, is perhaps one of the best-known food critics in the country now, at first she had no interest in pursuing a path in the culinary world, let alone one on television.

“I kind of joke that I’m not a food critic but that I play one on TV. It has become a self-fulfilling prophecy,” said Simmons, whose sharp tongue has noticeably mellowed over the past couple of seasons of "Top Chef," which pits young, talented, fame-hungry chefs against one another in grueling culinary challenges. “I always loved food, but in truth it never entered my mind as an occupation until college.”

Few were raised in as epicurean a household as Simmons.

Her mother, Renee Simmons, wrote a food column for the Globe and Mail, Canada’s largest newspaper, in the 1970s and ’80s, and she later opened a cooking school in the Simmons home in Toronto.

“My mom built our kitchen as a teaching kitchen where people can sit around and watch you cook,” Simmons said.

Her childhood home was a fairly traditional Jewish household, complete with hearty servings of Eastern European Jewish food, especially for the holidays.

“We had Shabbat dinner every Friday night, without fail,” Simmons said. “There was always challah and my mother’s outstanding chicken soup.”

Ask Simmons about her favorite Jewish food memories and she points to two foods: brisket and latkes.

“My mom’s brisket is killer; so are her latkes,” she said. “They’re the standard by which I will forever hold all other briskets and latkes.”

In college, Simmons shied away from comparisons to her mom, despite cooking often and reviewing restaurants for her college newspaper.

“When you’re 20 years old, the last thing you want to hear is that you’re just like your mom,” she said.

So she pursued degrees in anthropology and Spanish at McGill University in Montreal and planned to work for a nongovernmental organization in the developing world. After graduation, feeling a bit lost, Simmons took an internship at Toronto Life, a lifestyle magazine.

“I loved it; I found myself drawn to the food editor,” she said. “And that’s when I realized, wow, there could be a job here for me.”

Following stints at a couple of publications, Simmons moved to New York to attend the Institute of Culinary Education. After graduation, she cooked at some of the city’s most exclusive restaurants, served as an assistant to prominent food critic Jeffrey Steingarten and worked as events manager for chef Daniel Boulud’s dining group before joining the staff of Food and Wine in 2004.

In 2006, when Bravo approached Food and Wine about a partnership for a new show called “Top Chef,” Simmons was chosen to represent the magazine as a judge. Her incisive remarks about the dishes of “chef-testants,” as they are called on the show, earned her the title of the “mean judge” by viewers.

Although she often followed her critiques with positive feedback, the show’s producers edited out the latter in their effort to make each judge into a distinctive character, Simmons said.

“It was an experiment for all of us,” she said. “As much as it’s about the drama and the characters, it’s more about the chefs, and we’re the eyes, ears and taste buds of the viewers.”

With the show well established, and with its first spinoff, “Top Chef Masters”—Simmons is a judge on a show that features famous chefs competing against one another in the kitchen—having wrapped up its second season, Simmons is finding herself on a set filming for much of the year.

She's not complaining.

It’s a “great family of people,” Simmons said, referring to the "Top Chef" crew and such co-stars as fellow judge and celebrity chef Tom Colicchio and cookbook author and actress/model Padma Lakshmi, the show’s host.

“For five years it’s been like a traveling band of gypsies and roommates. We get into silly arguments and when there’s a lull, I’ll tap dance for the producers,” she said. “I’m like the little sister of the crew ... a bit of the clown.”

Simmons recalls falling asleep at the judge’s table.

"It was the finale and we were shooting all night, and at about 4 in the morning we took a 20-minute break," she said. "All of the producers took pictures, which they aired on a reunion episode.”

On “Just Desserts,” Simmons will be spending more time in front of and behind the camera. She is a consulting producer for the first time on a show in which pastry chefs will be tested in the art of sugar work, bread and cake baking, chocolate, candy, maple syrup and more.

Despite her “Top Chef” experience, Simmons was surprised at just how tough her hosting role proved to be. Hosting, she says, is "a harder job than judging—you have to lead the plot.”

Making the job even more difficult is the fact that as host, Simmons has to taste each dish, sampling as many as a dozen sugary desserts in a single show.

“I was bouncing off walls at the end of most days,” she said.

The sugar highs may come in handy: Simmons has other projects in the works. In addition to her position at Food and Wine, she is partnering with AOL for an online cooking series, and she is hoping to write a food book soon.

But “the most gratifying thing,” Simmons said, “is when people come up to me and tell me that their 5-year-old knows what a chiffonade is”—a slicing technique for herbs and greens—“or that they hate to cook but they’ve started to try at home and they are trying new things on menus."

"That’s why I’m doing all of this in the first place—to spread the gospel.”

Devra Ferst is editor of the  The Jew and the Carrot food blog , a new Forward and Hazon partnership.
This article originally appeared in the Forward and then appeared on JTA.

People often compare Newark Mayor Cory Booker to President Barack Obama.

Like the president, Booker, who is also African-American, inspires people wherever he goes. The mayor, a Rhodes Scholar who studied law at Yale, has a vision to help the citizens of Newark, New Jersey—a city that has been plagued by poverty, crime, and drugs—live their best lives.

The son of two of IBM’s first African-American executives, trailblazers in their own right, Booker was raised in an affluent, predominantly white suburb of New Jersey.

As a Newark Municipal Council member, from 1998 to 2006, Booker moved out of his comfortable apartment and into Brick Towers, a troubled housing complex in Newark, in order to live amongst the citizens he was fighting for.

He was elected mayor of Newark in 2006 and then reelected earlier this year. He reduced his own salary by 8% in his first year as mayor. Under his leadership, Newark’s crime rate dropped significantly, with March of this year marking the city’s first murder-free month in more than 44 years. He has also doubled the amount of affordable housing under development.

Mayor Booker will be in town next week to speak at a JUF event.  In advance of his appearance in Chicago, Booker sat down for a phone interview with Oy!Chicago:

Oy!Chicago: What were the most important lessons your parents taught you growing up?
Mayor Cory Booker: So much of who I am is because of them and my value system extended from my parents. They instilled in me a sense of believing in yourself and knowing that you are created in the image of God. That really comes with a two-fold understanding—one is recognizing your own strength and majesty, but also recognizing that everyone you meet, no matter what their station in life, has that same divinity within them.

Does that quest for social justice also come from them?
It does come from my parents. Once you have that fundamental understanding, it creates a sense of urgency about life. You must fulfill your own potential and that potential really has to be about what your contributions are to others. Therefore if you see injustice, if you see God’s children experiencing any injustice, you don’t just have the ability to do something about it, but you have the obligation to do something about it.

You seem to go the extra mile, living in the Brick Towers housing project, going on a 10-day hunger strike, shoveling snow from your constituent’s walk yourself, reducing your own salary. What makes you care so much and why did you want to serve in public office? 
…I will never be asked to answer the call of courage that my ancestors did. I’m never going to be asked to go register people to vote when that very act could have you end up dead in a swamp like [James] Chaney and [Michael] Schwerner…And even in a deeper sense, most of my generation—not all obviously with the foreign conflicts that we are in—and I will never be called to storm beaches in Normandy or Midway or give that level of sacrifice so I don’t believe that what I’m doing rises to the level of many of our heroes of the United States. I love what I do and it gives me a deeper sense of meaning and purpose to my life. I consider myself very fortunate to do work that is so deeply gratifying.

In the 2002 mayoral race, your opponent Sharpe Jones called you a carpetbagger and “not black enough to understand the city.” How do you respond to such attacks?
You can use those kinds of attacks in two ways—either to burn you and you can combust or they can fuel you and energize you to do more. I know every day that I’m doing the best I can and I’m living my best self and operating in the most righteous way possible…As long as I can go to bed knowing I gave my best, then attacks like that don’t undermine me. They fuel me and inspire me to overcome. So many of our great leaders, from Mandela to Gandhi to King, were people who endured even more savage attacks on their character and it’s a small price to pay to do what you feel you’re called to do.

It feels like you believe in a lot of Jewish principles—social justice, education, family, and support of Israel, and you’ve partnered with the famed Rabbi Shmuley Boteach on speaking tours. Do you feel a sense of connection with the Jewish people?
In studying Torah and great Jewish leaders, like Maimonides and Hillel, I found a deep resonance in my soul with what I learned is the essence of the Jewish calling, which is not about converting people to their faith. It’s really a religion that commands you to go into the world and pursue justice and to combat injustice even if it means, frankly, arguing with God as Abraham did. It’s a religion that, at its very core, is about the other, it’s about the stranger…

We have a history of partnership between African-Americans and Jews when we marched together during the Civil Rights Movement. Lately, it seems there is a rift between us. How can we bridge the two communities?
King said much more eloquently than me, ‘The challenge today is not the vitriolic words and evil actions of the bad people, but the appalling silence and inaction of the good people.’ There always are going to be people who spew hate for their own agenda, people who appeal to fear and negativity. I’m not sure what I can do to solve that, but if we can [bolster] ourselves, our family members, our community to confront injustice, it’s going to have a multiplier effect. Those kinds of acts of justice go viral. Too often we curse the darkness but don’t ignite our own light. I’d like to challenge blacks and Jews to do so.

You’ve been compared often to President Obama. How do you feel about that comparison and what went through your mind on election night?
The biggest challenge in life is not to be like somebody else, but to be yourself. It’s always nice when you’re compared to people that you respect, but I’m having a tough enough time being the best Cory Booker I can be [let alone] Barack Obama.

When he was elected, I felt a deep sense of pride for my country, whether you’re Republican or Democrat, black or white. It was a moment that America made a statement that strives for an ideal that can be dramatic and wonderful…It was a moment that we turned to our history and said, while we still have a long ways to go, we have come a long way to go.

What are you most proud of that you’ve accomplished as mayor?
It would be easy to point to building parks and reducing crime, but perhaps the thing I’m most proud of is helping our city itself believe in Newark again. It’s an expansion of moral imagination of who we are and what we can become. You can interchange Newark for a lot of cities in America. In our country, there has been too much of a sense of resignation within the cities and without that there will always be high crime, there will always be poverty, there will always be schools that don’t work, and so forth. The beauty of my experiences in Newark is that in joining my spirit with others, we begin to challenge that sense of resignation and expand people’s moral imagination about what is possible in the United States of America and in this world and good people working under God.

Speaking of cities, are you a fan of Chicago?
I’m definitely a fan of cities—urban spaces are sacred spaces. Chicago, even though it is having some challenges right now with crime, is a sacred city and we are all invested in its success.

(Last fall, comedian Conan O’Brien made the following joke: “The mayor of Newark wants to set up a city-wide program to improve residents’ health. The health care ticket would consist of a bus ticket out of Newark.” The punch line ignited a light-hearted feud between the mayor and the comedian.) 
I’m a huge fan of Conan O’Brien. Have you and Conan resolved your dispute?
I’m thrilled he’s coming back on the air. It was a teaching moment between the two of us and the country witnessed a splash of wit and a good competition and healthy fight with a wonderful resolution.

Rosh Hashanah celebrates the creation of the world and is a time for reflection and self evaluation. It is also a time for families and friends to gather and enjoy elaborate meals.

One of my favorite parts of the meal is the Rosh Hashanah seder. Now, before everyone who doesn’t know about this freaks out and figures that they have been doing it wrong all this time, the Rosh Hashanah seder consists of a series of short hopeful prayers for the new year and eating symbolic foods. The foods allude to the symbolism of the prayer, for example we eat leeks in the hopes that our enemies will be destroyed. The Hebrew word for leeks is "karsi," which sounds like “kares,” to be destroyed. This is where the hope for a sweet year and then dipping apples, challah or fruit in honey as well as the round challah symbolizing the cycle of the year comes from. There are numerous foods and prayers and really the sky is the limit in preparation of the foods as this is supposed to be joyful. I know people who eat raisins and celery in hopes of a raise in salary!

Well, I thought I knew just about everything about Jewish food and had seen, heard, or tasted it all—then I recently saw a reference for eating black eyed peas or rubiya or lubiya. I had not heard of this symbolic food before. We eat black-eyed peas in the hopes that our merits increase and we are purified. This custom to eat black-eyed peas is Baghdadi. Peas are eaten as a symbol of abundance and fruitfulness.

I know many families who pull out the same recipes from year to year and the menu is written in stone from gefilte fish to honey cake. I know that food and its aromas conjure up memories and nostalgia and can set the mood for a holiday, but I also know that there are many foods, flavors, and minhagim (customs) all over the world. Jews from around the world have brought their ingredients and traditions to the United States and those new foods are quickly being adopted not only by the Jewish community but by the general population as well. The first Sephardic Jews settled in Georgia in the 1730’s. The Jewish practice of eating black eyed peas on the New Year probably spread to the non-Jewish community during the civil war and the famous New Year’s dish of Hoppin’ John was created.

Foods and ingredients that were considered exotic and hard to find are now more commonplace. When I wrote my first book “Jewish Cooking for All Seasons” almost 5 years ago, I wrote a recipe for Pomegranate Chicken. People went nuts over this recipe. Pomegranate molasses was hard to find and the flavors seemed so striking. Now pomegranates have found their way into everything from juices, wines, and sauces to sorbets and candy. As many Jews from Morocco have settled in the United States, the rich floral and spice laced Moroccan flavors are now fashionable and tagines are becoming increasingly popular; tamarind is the new “it” flavor of the exotic ingredient world while artichokes, mint and quinces are breaking traditions in many kitchens.

Adding new dishes, new ingredients, and new customs to your Rosh Hashanah menu is symbolic and shows understanding of the diversity of Jewish culture and tradition. While Rosh Hashanah is one of the most traditional holidays in the Jewish calendar, it can also be one of the most dynamic holidays by bring new culture to your holiday table. L’Shana Tovah Umetuka.

Black-eyed peas with Thyme-Honey Vinaigrette

Serves 8-10 as a side dish

16 oz. package dried black-eyed peas
1/3 cup best quality honey
10 sprigs of fresh thyme
¼ cup fresh lemon juice
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper

1. Sort and clean black-eyed peas well. Soak in cold water over night. Drain the peas and place in a medium stock pot and cover with two inches of water.

2.  Bring to a gentle boil reduce heat to allow the peas to simmer for about 1 ½ hours until the peas are soft and creamy but still holding their shape. Drain any excess water and cool the peas.

3. Heat the honey and thyme in a small sauce pan over medium heat until the honey simmers. Turn off the heat and allow the thyme to steep for one hour. Pass the honey through a sieve. Whisk the honey with the lemon juice and olive oil. Salt and pepper to taste. The black eyed peas can be served hot or cold and will keep covered and refrigerated for up to 3 days.

Lacquered Chicken 
 
2 chickens cut into 6 pieces each
Olive oil
2 shallots, minced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup tamarind concentrate
¼ cup honey
½ cup chicken stock
¼ cup dry white wine
6 fresh plums cut in quarters and pit removed
2 fresh peaches or nectarines cut in quarters and pit removed

1. Pat dry the chicken pieces and season with salt and pepper. Brown the chicken, in batches, in a large sauté pan, that has been lightly coated with olive oil, over medium heat. Set aside the browned chicken.

2. Add the shallots and the garlic to the pan and reduce the heat to medium low. Sweat the shallots and garlic until they are very soft and translucent. Add the White wine and scrape up the brown bits with a wooden spoon or spatula.

3. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Add the chicken back to the pan and cover. Cook the chicken in the preheated oven for 45 minutes until the chicken is cooked through.

4. Uncover the chicken and brush with the pan sauce. Return to the oven for another 10 minutes.

Serve the chicken with Black-Eyed Peas.

Laura Klibanow and her mom have been baking her cousin Libby's mandel bread recipe for as long as she can remember. For years, everyone who tasted it told them—"you have to sell this!" Finally, they decided it was time to share this delicious cookie with the world and named the company Libby & Laura, as a tribute to Libby, who passed away. Their mandel bread is unique—it is baked only once, not twice—making it softer than most mandel bread and biscotti.

When she is not baking mandel bread, Laura is studying for her MBA at the University of Illinois at Chicago where she is a Liautaud Scholar. She earned her undergraduate degree in Hispanic Studies at McGill University in Montreal. After graduating from McGill she lived in Israel for two years. Now she’s back home in Highland Park, sharing her sweet family recipe with the masses.

So if you like a delicious treat, wish you could be your own boss or want to travel the world, Laura Klibanow is a Jew You Should Know!

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
Google. I love all the Google apps and now that you can make free phone calls to anywhere in North America it's even better.

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
I want to go to Asia. My two brothers backpacked through India and Thailand while I was studying for the GMAT exam in preparation for business school. When I graduate I hope to have the opportunity to go there.

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
Probably Jennifer Aniston although she doesn't have curly hair. Natalie Portman would also be a good fit.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
My grandmothers. I miss them.

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
A totally stress free day with at least eight hours of sleep the night before. In the morning, great coffee followed by yoga. I like being productive, so a day where I get everything accomplished that I set out to do is a good day for me. Another perfect day for me would include sitting on a gorgeous serene beach and swimming in the ocean.

6. What do you love about what you do?
I love that right now I am my own boss. I love to see my ideas come to fruition. I think the Libby & Laura brand image is very cool, and I love anything that involves design, like working on the website or new packaging.

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
I'd go study in Israel.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
I love to celebrate Shabbat—spending time with friends and family and eating great food. I'm usually expected to provide mandel bread. Best thing about Shabbat is, it happens every week!

What better to symbolize a wish for a sweet new year than double chocolate almond pecan Mandelbrot? Or try the white chocolate cranberry pistachio. Order yours now in time for the Jewish New Year, contact@libbyandlaura.com

Emily Briskman sits down the hall from me at work.  Like me, she has Cheerios every day for breakfast and unlike me, she is always cheerful, stylish and put together.  For these reasons alone, Emily is my hero…and others agree.

Emily was recently nominated as a Jewish community hero in the Jewish Federations of North America’s (JFNA) Second Annual Jewish Community Hero’s event.

At just 28, Emily has shaped two landmark initiatives to effectively advocate for Israel on college campuses with few Jews and no Hillels.  She’s launched a pilot program, Reach Across Illinois Campuses for Israel (RAIC) — the first of its kind in North America— from the ground up.  Reaching out to 10 campuses throughout Illinois, Emily works to build strong inroads and relationships with non-Jewish administrators, professors and students who otherwise wouldn't have the resources or exposure to Israel, beyond what they see in the media or hear from their peers.

Recently, Emily agreed to sit down with me to chat about the nomination and why she’s uniquely qualified to be the Program Director for RAIC.  We wanted to go out for drinks somewhere trendy, but limited by our non-profit salaries we opted to just meet in her office over coffee.  Even without the fabulous location, Emily looked impeccable—which she credits to her mother.

Super stylish Emily

“My mom has always said if you look good then you will feel good,” says Emily.  “I try to look good every day because it makes me feel better, it makes me feel professional and like I’m going somewhere important.  I also just really love clothes, especially accessories.”

A Florida native, Emily’s interest in working with and learning about people from different religious backgrounds started at a young age.

“I started attending Catholic school in the second grade,” explains Emily.  “It was the best school in the neighborhood and just over the bridge from my house.  My parents explained to me that I wasn’t Catholic, but Jewish, and that like taking history classes, it was important to learn about Catholicism and other religions.”

Accustomed to being the minority, it wasn’t until the summer after her freshman year in college that Emily became interested in the Jewish community.

“I was going home and my mom didn’t want me to hang out all summer” says Emily.  “My sister had been involved with her Jewish youth group and they sent her a postcard for an internship and so my mom said, ‘Why don’t you apply for it?’ I said, ‘Sure Mom, ok.’  So I applied for it and I got it!  My first internship ever was at the Jewish Community Relations Council (JCRC) in Palm Beach County.  I spent the summer learning about how JCRC works and writing a handbook for Latino-Jewish cooperation and working with the JCRC staff.  The director there was a huge influence on me continuing to work with both the Jewish and the non-Jewish population.”

Flash forward two years, Emily, armed with two more Jewish-oriented internships and a college degree, sent her resume to a head hunter for young Jewish professionals at what is now JFNA.

“The head hunter offered to send my resume across the country,” explains Emily.  “It ended up in the hands of Amy Dorevitch in Chicago.  She called me and I had a phone interview.  The next week she called again and said, ‘We really liked you but you have to come here for an interview.  Can you come here tomorrow?’  I got on a plane the next day and had an interview.  Within a week, I was moving to Chicago to work as the program director for Hillels around Chicago.”

Today, Emily spends her time looking at programs she can offer to her diverse RAIC campuses— from finding speakers, to closely interacting with school administrators, professors and students to researching and keeping tabs on any anti-Semitism and anti-Israel sentiments on campus— she’s always on-the-go.  She says it’s crucial that she serves both the Jewish and non-Jewish populations on every campus to make sure that she’s always their first line of communication so her relationships stay healthy and prosper.

“In terms of Israel, it is going to be [a tough year] combating any anti-Israel sentiment on campus because it is prevalent and it is spreading,” explains Emily.  “Students for Justice in Palestine is growing as an organization, so we need to be ready and not only responsive, but proactive.  I don’t want to stay on the defense.  It’s not an argument, it’s not a war.  It’s to be proactive by educating students about Israel and giving them every resource available to make sure that they are aware that we are here for them and that there are hundreds of ways for them to advocate for Israel on their campuses.”

Emily’s greatest career accomplishment to date involved altering a student’s anti-Israel views.

“One of the girls was a volunteer with the ministry [at DePaul]; I knew [she] was becoming the paper editor for the next academic year,” says Emily.  “I’d known her from volunteering in the office.  I didn’t know that much about her political beliefs.  One day I was walking through the student center and I saw her at a Students for Justice in Palestine table handing out flyers.  I went up to chat with her just as friends and not as a Hillel professional to find out if she actually knew what she was doing or if she was just there for friends.  It turned out to be little bit of both.  She wanted to cheer for the underdog— as she saw it.  I really wanted her to understand what she was talking about and what she was promoting.  I asked her out to lunch and we met a few days later and I told her about Israel, Hillel and what we do to advocate for Israel.”

The girl wanted to know more, so Emily decided to help send her to Israel, where she could experience the country for herself.

“I connected her with the American Jewish Committee— they do a trip [for non-Jews].  I spoke with the director of the program and I said I know this girl who is going to be the editor of DePaul’s paper,” explains Emily.  “She applied, got in and went to Israel that summer.  She came back more excited than I’d ever seen anyone come back from Israel.  It was exciting to see that I changed someone’s life.”

Emily’s making a real difference in the Jewish community, but she remains very humble.  Although proud of her nomination, she doesn’t see herself as a hero.  Instead, she names her grandfather and her sister as her heroes.

“My grandfather on my mother’s side, Grandpa Lou, was a philanthropist in Troy, NY,” says Emily.  “He saw a need in the community and built a dialysis center.  He really felt that he wanted to take care of his community and I think that is such a core Jewish value…My other hero is my sister.  She has always and will always be my biggest hero.  She is two years older than me and she is bold.  That’s how I always describe her— eclectic and bold.  She’s willing to go after what she wants.  She’s the person I look to for advice and to bounce ideas off of.  She is the voice in my head who says, ‘do better.’”

Clearly, Emily is doing great.

As of today, Emily has 266 votes, she truly deserves all the support she can get so vote for her— early and often!   Click here  to learn more about Emily and to cast your vote!

Author Etgar Keret, well-known throughout Israel and the world for his short stories, graphic novels and scriptwriting for film and television, has been called the voice of young Israel. He is in Chicago as part of a visiting writers' program at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign, supported in part through the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago's Israel Studies Project. 

This Thursday, Keret will deliver a lecture at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, which is free and open to the public, at 6pm in the SAIC Auditorium. 

Anticipating his visit, JUF News’s Arts and Entertainment columnist Jan Lisa Huttner called Keret at home for some personal thoughts and shared her interview with Oy!Chicago:

Jan Lisa Huttner: In past interviews, you’ve named Sholem Aleichem as a major influence. What’s the connection?
Etgar Keret: I'm a Jewish writer in the skin of an Israeli writer. I'm seen as the ultimate Israeli writer because I use the Hebrew language in a very contemporary way—colloquial speech that is very dynamic. But the personality of the soul behind it is a very Jewish soul, not the classic Israeli soul.
 
Israel has amazing writers, but none of them is known for his sense of humor. So the most intuitive argument that I have for being “a Jewish writer” is that my stories are funny in that reflexive sense that really defines Jewish humor.

I think people usually write about the things that they don't have, and what we don't have in Israel is that sense of continuity, because of being a new country with an undefined and insecure future. So we write mostly epics that will give us the sensation that life is more than a segmented moment.

If you read A Tale of Love & Darkness (Amoz Oz) or A Trip to the Edge of the Millennium (A.B. Yehoshua) or whatever, this is basically the classic Israeli way of writing—stories that go through centuries. We don't have an Israeli Sholem Aleichem because we are a country of novelists, not a country of short story writers. There is no Israeli Raymond Carver or other people who are known for their short fiction.

So when I look for people that I feel are close to me, it’s much more common for me to find them among young Jewish-American writers than among contemporary Israeli ones. I really feel closer to Jonathan Safran Foer and Nathan Englander than to Israeli writers of my generation.

And yet, in another interview, you described yourself as a member of Israel’s “second generation” (referencing the Holocaust)?
In Israel and in most of the most of the word, I'm not seen as a second generation writer. I’m seen as this kind of young, hip, crazy guy. Some of my readers are not even excited I'm Israeli, and in Israel, many people think I’m Sephardi because of my family name. (My parents changed it to Keret, but it used to be something else before my father came to Israel.)

It's not that I'm, let's say, a writer like Savyon Liebrecht in which the presence of the Holocaust is very central in most of her work. But I do feel that there is some sort of generation change. Younger writers, like Amir Gutfreund, seem to be less immersed by some sort of petrifying awe than you will encounter maybe in earlier writing when it was closer to the Holocaust itself. The guy could be Primo Levi’s son or his grandson that tries to find his connection to that history at an earnest personal level.

But Savyon Liebrecht was born in a DP camp, so she’s a generation older than you, right?
Exactly. I'm somewhere in between the second generation and third generation because my parents were children during the war.

And how do you respond to people who say: "Get over it. The Holocaust is ancient history. Why are you still dwelling on it?”
I think the time of the war was a time that people were closest to saints and closest to devils. So when you read a story about the Holocaust experience, you don't read about some isolated chapter in history. You read a story about the human creature, the personal history. Some of those stories are tales of hope and some of them are tales of despair, so to say “When will you get over it?” will be like “When will you stop writing stories about human beings?”

And to people who say that as an Israeli writer, you should be talking less about the Holocaust and more about the Palestinians?
Well, first of all, the nice thing about art is that there are no obligations when it comes to art. If you want to change the world, you know, do something or write an essay. But the idea about art is really it's this place where your psyche decides and not your agenda.

I think that many stories can reveal hidden agendas and tell you things about the life you are living, but basically I really don't think that when a writer comes to write, he should do his homework and write about what people want him to write. It's one thing that you can’t impose, to say to somebody “Write a book about Palestinians." would be just like saying "Fall in love with a dark haired woman."

Basically I did quite a few things that I think are indirectly connected to the Holocaust because the Germans killed my entire family. If I would have grandparents, I would write a story about how it is to have grandparents. I write what I can write.

Sometimes people ask me questions about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. I actually think that it's legitimate. The same way I can trace the Holocaust to my writing, I can easily trace the Israeli/Palestinian conflict to my writing. So if I ever meet a Finnish director, I might ask him: “Is it really as cold there as we think it is?” But anybody who wants to impose topics on artists, then they really don't understand what art is.

OK, so circling back, are you the Israeli Sholem Aleichem?
Well [laughing], out of the lack of any other candidate, I guess I got the job. There's nobody else who's trying!

It's not that I think life is snippets and not epics, it's just that the way I sort out reality in my mind, I guess it stops at the level of snippets. I think that there is something very chaotic and overwhelming in both my emotional and mental experience, and the best I can do is find narratives that will keep it together for a few pages. I really don't have this narrative that could keep it for 600 pages.

Well, if I walk into a bookstore in ten years and find a collection of stories about “Etgar's Tevye,” I’ll remember you said that!

Don't miss this rare opportunity to spend an evening with acclaimed Israeli writer Etgar Keret. Keret will read a selection of his short stories followed by an informal conversation about his work with Rachel S. Harris, Assistant Professor of Hebrew Literature and Israeli Cultural Studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

Are you going to college for the first time this fall? Are you a parent of an incoming college freshman? If so, it’s a pretty safe assumption that you have questions…a LOT of them! So where can you turn to get some much needed answers?

Well, there’s no better place to gain knowledge than a book. One problem though: There are so many college self-help guides and books that it can be more than a little confusing to pick one and hope that it is the best representation of college life.

After reading more than a few of these books myself the summer before my freshman year at college, I was still filled with questions—specifically questions about Jewish life on campus. I had yet to find a college “guide” book tailored specifically to Jewish needs: Where should I go for High Holidays? Where can I find a good Jewish community, outside of the structured Hillel events? Etc.

Well, here’s some good news for the incoming class of 2014: David Schoem has answered your prayers. College Knowledge for the Jewish Student: 101 Tips (University of Michigan Press) was published last month.

“College Knowledge for the Jewish Student is a must-have guide for the new student on campus, covering everything from communicating with faculty members to where to go for help to the role of tikun olam (repairing the world) on the college campus,” said Heather Newman, trade marketing manager for the University of Michigan Press.

However, don’t expect to read all about generic college questions, like what to pack and how to decorate your dorm room. Instead you can find topics like, “Learn to Enjoy Yourself, Learning, and the College Experience” (Tip 68). Schoem addresses many of these deeper issues. He stresses that it is critical for the individual Jewish student who enters college to come intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually prepared for the academic and social experience that awaits. College is a qualitatively different experience than high school, according to Schoem, and students' expectations need to be set appropriately. The transition from high school to college is so significant that it can be difficult for most students without some preparation.

College Knowledge for the Jewish Student is the perfect guide for students heading off to college with high expectations for learning, academic success, personal growth, and independence. Through lively tips and compelling student stories about college life, it offers thoughtful, practical information for every Jewish student who wants to make a successful transition.

David Schoem

“It’s highly rewarding reading for anyone with a student in the family,” Newman said.

So whether you’re a parent, grandparent, or sibling of the incoming college freshman, or if you’re the student yourself, there are definitely some golden nuggets of tips in this book.

One of my favorites has to be Tip 81: “Call Home: Ask for Care Packages, and Don’t Forget Your Bubbe and Zayde.” Schoem is giving all new college freshmen permission to ask for care packages from their families! Hear that, Mom and Dad? I may be a college junior this year, but these tips apply to all four years!

Schoem, director of the Michigan Community Scholars Program and a faculty member in Sociology and Judaic Studies at the University of Michigan, is also a teacher on undergraduate education, intergroup relations, and the American Jewish Community. College Knowledge for the Jewish Student: 101 Tips is his eighth book.

Are you a Jewish 20 or 30something with a story to tell? Do you want to be part of a collection of voices that together tell the unique story of our generation?

Living Jewishly: A snapshot of a generation, is a collection of personal essays and memoirs from Jewish 20 and 30somethings from across the country—think Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul meets Jewcy.

But in order to share our generation’s story, I need your help!

My name is Stefanie Pervos and I am the founding editor of Oy!Chicago and the associate editor of JUF News in Chicago. I am also a student in the Spertus Institute’s Master of Arts in Jewish Professional Studies program and Living Jewishly: A snapshot of a generation is my final project. My hope is that each piece will be a window into how we express our Judaism and our voices together will tell a complete story. The essays will be framed with an introduction encompassing some of the research I’ve done about what it means to be a Jewish 20 or 30something in America today. As a collection, the essays will appear online, and ultimately, my goal is a published anthology.

If you have something you’ve already written for a publication or blog that you think fits the bill, or you want to write an original piece (700 words minimum) please submit it to me at Stefaniepervos@JUF.org by Oct. 4th. Know someone who would be a great contributor? Feel free to put them in contact with me as well.

All submissions should be sent to   StefaniePervos@JUF.org no later than October 4th!

Brooke Lawrence is a 30-year-old self-proclaimed anal-retentive perfectionist with a penchant for revamping and decluttering basements, garages, closets, pantries, offices and junk drawers.

She started reorganizing and decluttering not only her room, but also her parents’ room at a young age, and that need for clean only intensified as she got older. She finally turned that cleaning bug into a full-blown business, and started The Duchess of Declutter™ at the end of November in 2007. She works with clients to declutter and clean their offices and homes, help with moving, wedding registries, selling items on eBay and Craigslist, and much more. According to her website, www.DuchessofDeclutter.com, she recognizes that “from Oak Brook to Buffalo Grove and Gurnee to Highland Park, there are people all over the Chicagoland area that need a little push. I provide that one-on-one attention to get the job done, one drawer at a time.”

Born and raised in Highland Park, she graduated with a bachelor’s degree from University of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) and two weeks later enrolled in Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism for her master’s degree. She then went on to work at Playboy Magazine and Chicago Magazine, before she ended up in marketing at Lawrence Foods, Inc. Starting her own organizing business was always a goal of hers, and so the Duchess of Declutter™ was born!

So whether you need some help organizing your home, want to gossip about celebrities, or learn how to start your own business, the Duchess of Declutter™ is a Jew You Should Know:

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
I have a small obsession with celebrity gossip, so I scour People.com almost every day. I am not a gawker or a stalker though. I promise.

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
I would love to island hop around Greece or travel to different cities in Italy. But I’ve never been to Israel either. Since money and time are limitless, I would essentially be an unemployed multi-millionaire, so I could definitely hit up all three.

3. If a movie were to be made about your life, who would play you?
Me, of course. Plus, I’m too controlling, so the chances of an Oscar-winning actress being able to mimic me are rather slim.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
My living dinner date would be Alec Baldwin. I’m secretly in love with him. He’s a comedic genius, and I know any meal with him would be unforgettable. My non-living dinner date would definitely be my Grandpa Sydney. I think about him every day and only wish he could see me now. He’d get such a kick out of me being pregnant. I think he’ll be the most debonair person I’ll ever know.

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
A good workout and a good meal.

6. What do you love about what you do?
I really believe that an organized home translates into an organized life. It’s hard to breathe with so much clutter around you, let alone focus. When I’m done decluttering an office, kitchen or closet, I’ve immediately made someone’s life easier to manage. That’s what I love the most. The gratification is instant. And, I love seeing the look on my clients’ faces after I’ve completely revamped what they deemed to be utterly unmanageable. 

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
A very senior editorial position at People magazine.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago? 
Spend the holidays with my family.

Amy Ravit Korin has always been a step ahead in the social media world. After working in a mix of media buying and advertising sales for R.H. Donnelley (the leading Yellow Page publisher), Univision online, Alloy Media + Marketing, and a video distribution company, she started Interactive Amy a year and a half ago. Interactive Amy is an advertising and marketing agency with a focus in social media.

“I’m essentially an outsourced marketing and promotions manager for my clients in addition to doing social media strategy and taking on the voice for companies online and helping them tie together their online and offline marketing promotions,” Korin says. In addition, she also has been hired by many people to help rebrand JDate profiles, which she is especially qualified for.

“I married the first boy I ever kissed,” Korin says happily. “I met my husband Josh at Jewish summer camp, and later went on to reconnect on JDate.”

So if you’re looking to meet your beshert through JDate, go see live music—especially Phish—or completely rebrand your online presence, Amy Ravit Korin is a Jew You Should Know!

They say the key to a top-notch bagel is in the water. And Eben Dorros agrees with them.

When Dorros opened his downtown Chicago eatery E.leaven a year ago, he installed a special water filtration process for boiling the bagels so they would taste as delicious as the famed New York bagels. "No one knew how to make a bagel outside of New York," says Dorros. "If they can make them there, why can't we make them anywhere else? A lot of people just bake them, but we boil them."

It seems Dorros's hard work has paid off. In June, E.leaven was named as having "hands down, the best bagel" in Chicago by DailyCandy Chicago.

Open for breakfast and lunch, E.leaven makes the majority of their menu items in-house, from scratch, including multigrain, sourdough, challah and rye breads, bagels, pastries, cookies and cakes, soups, corned beef, and roast beef. The restaurant's name combines the first initial in owner Eben's name and the word "leaven," indicating the restaurant's fresh breads. As opposed to a fast food concept, where people are often rushed out the door, Dorros likes to think of his restaurant as an inviting and warm environment where customers can break bread with each other and stay for a while.

Gourmet food has always been in Dorros's blood. In fact, his mom is a chef and his brother went to culinary school. "We grew up cooking family meals. When we'd come home, my mom was always testing something new on the stove. If we didn't like it, that was fine, but we couldn't tell her we didn't like it unless we tried it," Dorros says. As a kid, the future chef would cook pastas and meat sauce, pot roast, meatloaf, French toast, and more. Then, as a student at Colby College in Maine, he would cook for his friends there too, throwing big dinner parties.

The restaurant employs some of his mother's and grandmother's traditional Jewish family recipes, including matzoh ball soup with huge New York-style matzoh balls and potato pancakes too.

Now living in Bucktown with his wife and two small children, Dorros grew up in a Conservative Jewish Milwaukee home, where his family would make a big deal out of holidays and Shabbat dinners. "Being Jewish is an integral part of who I am," he says. "It teaches the morals and beliefs that I want to pass down to my children. One of the reasons my family is so close is because of Shabbat family dinners and because we went to services together."

In addition to his passion for food, Dorros is also a filmmaker and orchestral pianist. He pursued filmmaking in Manhattan and Los Angeles, including partnering with the United Nations to create a film series as a teaching tool about world conflicts. After time on the coasts, he relocated to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, where he launched a film festival. It was during his time in Wyoming that Dorros gave the restaurant biz a try, opening E.leaven in Jackson Hole. He hopes to open 8-10 restaurants around the country, including others in Chicago.

Dorros is also passionate about creating both inside the kitchen and out. "There's a creative aspect to everything I do, whether it's writing, music, or cooking. There's a therapeutic part to [the creative process], a solitude, whether I'm in the kitchen or playing the piano. For me, that's what drives my soul."

Prismatic Ketubah by Judith Joseph, New York 2010

Art sometimes has a mind of its own. And in artist Judith Joseph’s case, her art decided to take on a life of its own, as it has evolved and emerged as a 3D, interactive exhibit called The Owing Project.

This exhibit invites art viewers to “become participants in a dialogue about the personal, spiritual and societal issues around debt and owing,” according to Joseph.

“I envisioned the gallery space to be a three-dimensional illuminated manuscript: complete with figures, text and border design,” Joseph says. “The exhibit includes life-sized human figures, a ‘debt confession booth,’ a live mural including portraits of people with their words about owing and debt, paintings, and photos I took at a Tea Party rally anti-tax protest,” she says.

The interactive element also extends beyond the gallery.

“I collected electronic responses from Facebook and hand-written surveys from participants at a synagogue retreat,” Joseph explains. “I painted the Push Back mural at the Chicago Fringe Artists’ Networking Night at Red Tape Theatre in February, 2010, and inscribed it with the words of my portrait subjects as they spoke about what debt means to them.”

Push Back, mural of portraits of CFANN 2010 participants, including quotes from conversations about debt and owing

Joseph began her long and successful career as an artist in her early childhood.

“I've been making art since I was a small child, and I was always pretty serious about it,” Joseph says. This seriousness led her to pursue a degree in art from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and since graduating from art school in 1978 she has been working as a professional artist.

“I mostly do commissioned work,” Joseph says. “I specialize in ketubot. The urgency I feel to interview people and record their thoughts and narratives [translates to their] ketubah. Most of my work has a narrative element, and involves human relationships.”

Along with ketubot, Joseph also creates other types of commissioned work such as paintings and calligraphy, and she teaches painting and calligraphy classes at the Chicago Botanic Garden, the Art Center, Highland Park, and artists' residencies/workshops in Illinois and Wisconsin.

Joseph also works as an art career consultant helping emerging artists with their portfolios, web presence, promotional materials and career strategies, she conducts art gallery tours and provides lectures about Jewish art (e.g., Jewish artists in the collection of the Art Institute of Chicago.)

“I pretty much do anything related to art that I can to earn a living,” Joseph says. “I call myself the ‘lounge lizard’ of artists!”

When asked to describe her artistic style, Joseph explained how it originated with “illuminated manuscripts (especially ketubot), which have been [her] first love for many years.”

The Owing Project at ARC Gallery in Chicago, which opened on July 21, with a reception July 23, from 6-9 p.m.

“Combining text with detailed, exquisitely rendered miniature border designs, patterns and illustrations has given rise to my painting style,” Joseph says. “My paintings are often laid out like an illustrated page of a book, with a central image surrounded by a narrative border.  Over time, the borders have invaded the ‘main’ image, and pattern and narrative have become intertwined and inextricable.”

You can catch Judith Joseph’s solo exhibit, The Owing Project, at ARC Gallery in Chicago, which opened on July 21, with a reception July 23, from 6-9 p.m.

Gan Project founder Jill Zenoff prepares supplies for a pickling workshop. Photo credit: Suzanne Nathan

Jill Zenoff, Suzanne Nathan and Anne LaForti have big plans for a quarter-acre patch of land in West Rogers Park. The land, on the grounds of the Bernard Horwich JCC, will bloom and produce food.

It will be an urban agricultural oasis, with people from the neighborhood working the mini-farm―dirt and all―weeding and harvesting produce. It will teach children and teens about where their food comes from. It will be a space where pre-bar and bat-mitzvah youths can perform mitzvah projects and raise funds.

This idyll is far from realization just yet. Still, as the brains and hands behind the Gan Project (gan means garden in Hebrew), the dynamic trio is undaunted by the numerous tasks to be tackled before their dream space is created.

The garden space at Horwich is just one piece of a puzzle that they hope will foster an environmentally conscious, sustainable Jewish food system and increase access to clean, safe foods.

More than that, urban gardening and food growing will create “a sense of connectedness to the land and to the community,” hopes Zenoff, who spent a summer interning at a downstate Illinois farm last year and picked up other agricultural skills through a stint with the ADAMAH Jewish farming program at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center in Connecticut.

In addition to the JCC, the Gan Project hopes to team up with local families, community organizations and congregations to spread the message to the masses: take back control over your food—in a Jewish way.

They kicked everything off with a series of summer workshops that had participants picking strawberries and making jam; learning pickling techniques; and making Kombuch (a fermented tea often drunk for medicinal purposes). August will bring more learning opportunities, including picking blueberries and making jam; touring an existing Jewish communal garden; making healing salves from left-over summer herbs; and cooking up a batch of sauerkraut. Several of the programs are presented in partnership with Birthright Israel NEXT Chicago, which works with Birthright trip alums throughout the city and suburbs.

A pickling workshop participant finishes loading mason jars of dilly beans. Photo credit: Suzanne Nathan

“There is so much strength in developing new skills whether it’s farming or food preservation. There’s a sense of empowerment and a sense of autonomy,” said Nathan, who holds a master’s in social work from the University of Chicago.

Zenoff and LaForti have been friends since childhood and together presented the idea for the Gan Project to Nathan, also an Isabella Freedman alum, on the way to a Birthright NEXT-sponsored Eco-Shabbaton in Wisconsin in April. They are funding the project themselves and working to get grants from Birthright NEXT, Hazon and other organizations.

Eleven people made 21 jars of strawberry and raspberry jam during a recent Gan Project workshop. Photo credit: Suzanne Nathan

The Horwich JCC gave them office and planting space. Meanwhile, the three founders also are working to develop curricula for elementary, middle and high school students as well as programs for families and older adults.

The idea is to create a network of eco-conscious Jews from generation to generation. But for now, it’s baby steps.

There are so many social media sites these days you can’t even count them all—Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Flickr, Digg—not to mention the never-ending amount of blogs ranging from personal to business to completely random. With all that out there on the internet, it’s pretty easy to get confused and lose sight of why many go online in the first place: to publish opinions, and to make voices heard.

The solution to this modern-day dilemma? Pandalous.com.

According to the website, “Pandalous is a site where people who like to think share their views and deepen their understanding of everything that matters. We're a new, vibrant internet community with a growing membership; we've set out to gather a diverse, thoughtful and articulate crowd to share in the experience of living.” Think of it as a digital gathering place, like a living room of a house, to converse intelligently about any idea or topic you can think of.

According to Assaf Peretz, CEO of Pandalous, the audience started small in early 2009 and has been growing steadily ever since.

 “The original group was comprised of Berkeley and Harvard grads but it quickly attracted people from all different places and walks of life, ranging from college students to Tibetan monks,” Peretz says.

Some of these community members include some well-known Israeli artists. Of note is the author Etgar Keret,   who has posted a story of his in The Library called “Snot”. Also in The Library, Nir Ratzkovsky, one of the most important translators to Hebrew from French, has posted excerpts from a future book of a translator journal of The Kindly Ones. And in many different rooms, concert pianist Edna Stern, writes about topics ranging from music to literature to even vampires.

But why a living room of all places? To explain, there is conveniently a section on the welcome page labeled “Why Pandalous?”

“We found as we grew up that it was going to be more or less impossible to get all the people we missed talking to in the same room (or even the same country) on a regular basis; Pandalous is the living room we wished we had,” the site says. “Our goal is to create a new kind of internet experience, what we call a ‘Social Wiki,’ somewhere between publishing, blog posts and chat. A place where each member is a unique voice in a novel community, and a building block in a growing encyclopedia for everyday life.”

And as for the name? Well, that’s up for debate…which is exactly what the creators of Pandalous wanted.

In this virtual Living Room, you can discuss all sorts of things. Topics range from the deeply philosophical, like “What if the devil could be killed?” to the completely random, like “Dear CNN, I hate you” . But don’t assume you are limited to only one room. Surrounding the Living Room, in the shape of a house, are 28 different rooms, like the Computer Room, the Garage, the Testimonial Room, etc. Any topic you can think of is there under these 29 different themes, and if you can’t find what you’re looking for? Easy. Just make a new topic, and ignite a brand new debate.

Sound like just a regular old blog? That’s where you’re wrong. Pandalous boasts superior features that beat out normal blogs, the sites creators say. Features like an already existing community allow you to post whatever and whenever you feel like it, without becoming a slave to you own personal blogs. Another benefit of posting to Pandalous is that your posts are read and engaged with for years as topics are constantly and randomly hosted on the homepage, instead of the couple-of-days life expectancy of most other content sites. One of the biggest draws of the site, however, is the ability to have “Conversations” which allows for a deepening of your understanding of the subject matter you are reading or posting about, with just about anyone in the world—provided they have internet access.

So whether you’re in the mood to rant, wondering how to find the right gym for you, or you’re craving to learn the “ethics” of being vegan, pull up a chair and join the Conversation. As the Pandalous motto goes, “the internet doesn’t have to be a waste of time.”

You just got back from going on a Birthright trip to Israel. You're excited, exhausted, and feeling major love for Israel. But now comes the sad part: you can't do it again. You can go back to Israel, but not on that same trip. So what do you do now?

That's where Aleza Alpert comes in. As the Birthright Israel NEXT Chicago Campus Coordinator, she works to set up events to help Birthright alumni in the Chicago area keep in touch with not only their own bus mates, but also to meet other alumni in the area. She is the one working to keep that Birthright spirit alive, post-trip.

And if anyone knows how to keep Israeli spirit alive, it's Aleza. She has been to Israel 10 times so far, and five of those times have been to staff a Birthright trip. She also loves hearing stories from other peoples' trips to Israel, so if you're looking to exchange travel stories, search for some funny YouTube clips, or spend a day in the sunshine, Aleza Alpert is a Jew You Should Know:

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
Definitely YouTube! I love watching just random clips, they're always so funny. The animal ones, they're always so cute, or the bloopers. Those are hilarious. This is one of my current favorites. If you ever need suggestions for funny clips let me know. I've got tons!

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
Clearly, I love to travel. My goal is to live on six continents: visit Antarctica and live on the others. I think that you can't really get to know a place without actually living there—going to the grocery store, taking the bus, hanging out at the local bar. So I definitely need to go to South America, live there for a few months, Asia...yeah, there are a lot of places I would go if time and money were limitless. Can you let me know when that happens?

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
Well I want to say Anne Hathaway because people tell me I look like her all the time. But I don't want to be that girl that says, "Oh, I look like Anne Hathaway!" So maybe Tina Fey. Her comedy is so quick and clever.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
Well my sister passed away two years ago, so I would definitely eat with her. I mean, who wouldn't want to see their sister for a meal? And the second person would have to be Zach Galifinakis. Do you know who he is? Yeah. He's so funny in the movie The Hangover, he's just hilarious. And ever since that movie came outâ€"what was it, a year ago, I've been saying that if anyone asked me this question I'd say him. So I'm saying him. I think the three of us would have the greatest time together, me, my sister, and Zach.

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
It would involve being outside in the sun, a lot of ice cream, and sleeping in (but not too much because then you're not productive). But yeah, that first day of spring in Chicago is always the greatest because everyone's walking around in skirts, everyone's happier. I just love being outside in the sun. So that would be a perfect day for me.

6. What do you love about what you do?
My favorite part is definitely the fact that I'm helping college-age kids find their own Jewish community, their own little niche. Like for example, I'll never forget when one guy on one of my Birthright trips came up to me and told me that this was the first real Jewish community he had ever really had. And that's why I'm here doing what I do, for that experience.

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
Well when I was younger I wanted to be a dancer in a Disney parade. But I don't think I'd be able to still do that. The other, obvious answer is that I would be teaching.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
Oh, that's a hard question. I don't really need a structured Jewish night to feel Jewish. I don't know, I love when Shabbat dinner turns into a game night or something. I just love being around other Jewish people.

It’s tough out there for a Jewish girl—you work hard, you play hard, you JDate often and you also want to incorporate some Judaism into your busy lifestyle.

Luckily, Carin Davis—a Deerfield native gone LA Jewish chic—has written a handbook to guide you through every step of the way.

In her new book, “Life, Love, Lox: Real-World Advice for the Modern Jewish Girl,” (Running Press) Davis covers all the Jewish basics—everything from Jewish history to holiday recipes to fashion advice— in a fun, sassy format. A self-described “trendy yenta,” Davis’s book is littered with Yiddish slang and her own hilarious tales of JDates gone wrong and hunts for half-price high holiday tickets.

Oy! caught up with this modern Jewess this summer to talk more about the book she describes as “educational, but entertaining.”

Oy!Chicago: What inspired you to write this book?
Carin Davis: It started with me writing the singles column for the Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. I would get letters and emails from readers that would say it’s so great to have a fun, fresh voice in the Jewish newspaper and someone who’s young and writes about a Jewish voice that we can relate to. But then they also bombarded me with tons of questions—everything from ‘where do we find half-price high holiday tickets’ to ‘where do hot guys volunteer’ to ‘I’m supposed to make a kugel Friday night and I have no idea how to make one.’  I [also] started hosting all the holidays as well and it came to me that there was this void, a need for a Jewish guide to life but for the JDate generation—women in their 20s and 30s and 40s who are balancing their modern, urban lives and also trying to find their Jewish lives as well.

Who is the “trendy yenta” or modern Jewish girl you are writing for? Is the book specifically geared toward singles?
Definitely [the book] appeals toward singles but it also appeals towards young moms and married women who are suddenly responsible for the first time in their lives. Say their in-laws invite them over for Shabbat dinner. [She] could be married, could be single, could be a Jewlywed, or the mother of a bris. There can be 20 years between when someone pledges AEPhi and has a kid studying for his bar mitzvah or even makes it to the chuppah. So I feel like there’s this generation of women who are trying to find a way to organically and seamlessly bring Judaism into their lives and that’s who the book is for.

The word out there is that Jewish 20 and 30somethings are not affiliating in traditional Jewish ways. What do you say to that? How does your book address that?
I think that it goes both ways. I think there are plenty of Jews in their 20s and 30s and 40s that are affiliating in traditional ways, as more people in that group get involved in the Federation or find a local synagogue that they click with. Then there are also those communities building outside of [the traditional path] whether that’s an indie minyan in someone’s living room or Jewish movie club where girls get together and watch movies with hot Jewish actors once a week. People are finding their own way to create a Jewish life that means something to them. [They are also] finding ways to not have their Jewish life on one side and the rest of their life on the other—they’re finding ways to merge those two together. There are girls who eat gefilte fish and also sushi—you can have both.

What is the biggest challenge for “trendy yentes” today?
That depends on the girl, but I think the biggest challenge is to create a Jewish life that means something to her, so whether that’s finding a congregation she clicks with or finding a Jewish guy she’s going to spend her life with or finding a Jewish group of friends to celebrate a holiday with or volunteer with—it’s just creating that path for herself.

You write about a lot of different nice Jewish boys—how do they feel about being featured in your book?
Well the names have been changed to protect the innocent. And actually one of the columns I wrote one time was about a guy who went on a date with me and kept asking me to write about him in a column. But it’s all done in good spirit so even if the guys recognize themselves they usually send me an email laughing about it.

What advice do you have for Jewish daters out there?
You shouldn’t be looking for the perfect guy, you should be looking for the guy who’s perfect for you, in the same way that you have to recognize that you’re not the perfect girl, you’re just the perfect girl for someone. The other thing is just go for it—accept every invitation. If you’re invited to your co-worker's son's bris, go; if you’re invited to your 89-year-old neighbor’s Shabbat dinner, go. She could have a super hot grandson, you never know.

Davis, who is the vice president of an animation company by day, also shares her adventures in Jewish dating as a singles columnist for the Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. “Life, Love, Lox” is available at all major bookstores and on Amazon.com.

Photo credit: Robert Kusel

The mood in Chicago’s Federal Plaza was bittersweet last night, as more than 500 Chicagoans gathered to show support for captive Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit.

The crowd was somber, noting Shalit’s years in captivity, but also hopeful and prayerful for his safe return to his family.

The candlelight vigil was held on the eve of the fourth anniversary of Shalit’s abduction from Israel by the terrorist group Hamas. On June 25, 2006, Shalit—then a 19-year-old soldier in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF)—was attacked while guarding a place called Kerem Shalom (Vineyard of Peace), one of half a dozen border crossings that enable commerce between Israel and Gaza. Contrary to international law and all standards of decency, the kidnapped soldier also has been held virtually incommunicado, with no right of visitation by any humanitarian body.

“Tonight we gather together with communities around the world—from New York to Rome and from Paris to Jerusalem—in vigil for Gilad Shalit,” said Midge Perlman Shafton, past chair of the Jewish Community Relations Council (JCRC) of the Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago, in the evening’s opening remarks. “Tonight we show the world that this son of Israel and the Jewish people will not be forgotten. Tonight we send a message of solidarity to the Shalit family. Tonight, our candles, representing hope, provide a beacon of light to Gilad Shalit and other soldiers whose whereabouts are unknown.”

Orli Gil, consul general of Israel to the Midwest, asked vigil participants to put themselves in the place of Shalit’s family and loved ones. “Imagine their fears, their hopes, their despair,” she said. “We can imagine it because we all feel for Gilad and the Shalit family. Because he’s ours and we want him back, as we want and need all our boys back, each and every one of them.”

Gil also explained why his freedom is so important to the state of Israel. “We ask for the release of Gilad Shalit because it is the right thing to do. Because his being in a cell does not serve any cause. We will continue our efforts for his release as we will continue to strive for peace with our neighbors,” she said. “We fight for Gilad because he has become a son to all Israelis. You’re here tonight because you feel he became part of your family as well—a member in the family of the Jewish people, of klal yisrael.”

David Greenbaum, president of JUF’s Young Leadership Division, read a statement from the International Committee of the Red Cross, Red Crescent and Red Diamond, urging those detaining Shalit to grant him the contact with his family and humane living conditions.

David T. Brown, chair of JCRC’s government affairs committee, shared the news that U.S. House Resolution 1359, calling for Shalit’s immediate and unconditional release, had just passed unanimously.

Illinois State Senator Ira Silverstein also addressed the gathering. “We come together with the hope that we won’t come together to memorialize and think about this horrible event [again],” he said. “We are calling on people all over the country…to try to get Gilad released so he can come to America and we can all dance with him in this square next year.”

Oren Dekalo, chairman of the Young Leadership of Friends of the Israel Defense Forces, shared his personal connection to Shalit before reciting a poem entitled When You’re Home. “I learned some time ago that Gilad Shalit and I have something in common—that is our birthdays, August 28,” Dekalo said. “My wish for Gilad is that for this coming birthday he be able to celebrate his 24th the way I know I’ll be able to celebrate my 29th—in the comfort and in the safely and in the security of his friends and of his loved ones. May this wish be granted.”

The evening concluded with a prayer for the captive led by Rabbi Daniel Sherbill, president of the Chicago Board of Rabbis, and with a powerful rendition of Oseh Shalom.

The vigil was attended by community members of all ages. Gabe Axler, who plans to make aliyah this year with his wife, finished his service in the Israeli army just six months before Gilad was captured. “To me, this is very, very personal,” he said. “His story rings very close to my heart.”

Meital Hoffman, a 12-year-old student at Solomon Schechter Day School, in Skokie, attended the vigil with three generations of her family—her grandmother, her mother, and her younger sister all stood by her side. Hoffman, who was born in Jerusalem, understood the importance of gathering in honor of Shalit.

“It’s important for me to be here tonight because it’s a big deal for my family and me about Gilad Shalit and how he was captured,” she said. “It’s nice to express your views on things and not just be sitting at home and watching a movie all night. It’s good to do something and be noticed and make a difference.”

As she stood with her family, she wished Shalit’s family well. “I’m sure it’s very hard,” she said. “I hope that he is freed soon. They really need that for their family.”

The candlelight vigil was sponsored by the Young Leadership Division and Jewish Community Relations Council of the Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago, The Hillels of Illinois, and Young Leadership of Friends of the Israel Defense Forces.

While her friends are going to college orientations and packing up for a year, Jacquie Zaluda is packing for the rest of her life. Her life—18 years so far—has to fit into two suitcases.

In about three weeks Zaluda, a 2010 graduate of the Chicagoland Jewish High School, will board a flight to cross the Atlantic Ocean and start a new life in Israel. After becoming an Israeli citizen, Zaluda will volunteer at a youth village in JUF’s Partnership 2000 sister-city Kiryat Gat and then participate in Mechinat Meitarim-Lechish, a year-long army preparatory program.

“I have wanted to make aliyah for quite a while now,” said Zaluda, who is also an alumna of the Write On For Israel advocacy and education program. “Israel is where I feel most at home. It is where my soul comes alive.”

Zaluda was among 120 attendees at a recent party celebrating the latest group of Midwesterners making aliyah. The group gathering in Chicago was a small portion of the overall stream of new olim (immigrants to Israel) who are making the move this summer, said Jackie Hurwitz, aliyah coordinator at the Israel Aliyah Center in Skokie.

Last year, some 3,800 Jews moved to Israel from North America―the most since 1983. People at all stages of life are making aliyah: seniors hoping to retire in Israel after a full life in the United States; recent high school graduates like Zaluda; and young couples seeking to start a family in the Jewish state. The olim come from all across the Jewish religious movements and ideologies.

The economic downturn is another reason for making aliyah, analysts say. Israel’s economy has not suffered as much as the rest of the Western world, and economic opportunities in the high-tech, financial and real-estate sectors abound.

For Zaluda, aliyah makes sense because of a deep love for Israel that has infused the way she sees the world. She first made up her mind while at the Olin-Sang-Ruby Institute summer camp three years ago and sent a letter to her parents “telling them that I am going to move to Israel, I am not going to change my mind, and I need their support.” Her family has been her biggest support system, she said.

 “It’s not easy on anyone in the family,” Zaluda said. “It’s sad and stressful to think that the four of us are now going to be so spread out, but at the same time it instills a sense of pride in my parents and sister. They have never held me back or questioned my decision. They have only supported me and helped me to embark on my journey across the world.”

Ever had to stop what you’re doing to wish you had a handbook for how to “hack” your way through comedy? Well there’s good news for you! Jewish comedian Andy Kindler wrote for National Lampoon back in the early ‘90s a “Hack’s Handbook” which satirized and exposed tired comedy formulas. Since this publication, Kindler has been gracing the country with his stand up comedy, his own comedy shows, and his guest appearances on shows like “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “Wizards of Waverly Place,” to name a few. Oy!Chicago got the chance to talk with this comedy troublemaker before he appears  at the “TBS Presents A ‘Very Funny’ Festival: Just For Laughs Chicago” this weekend.

Oy!Chicago: So, Andy, tell me why you got into comedy.
Andy Kindler: Well I kind of stumbled into it. When I was a younger kid I played classical violin but I got frustrated with that so I switched to guitar. So I always wanted to be a musician but then I got to [Binghampton University] and I got into theater stuff there. I wasn’t a theater major, I was an English Lit major—but one of my theater teachers was moving back to LA so I went to LA right after college. I just drove across country basically, and tried to get my music career going. But then one of my friends said “Oh you’re funny, you should try stand up!” So he kind of convinced me to start, and we began as a duo.

What was the duo called?
Andy and Bill. I was Andy, he was Bill. A duo is hard, though. Especially if you like to adlib. We did ongoing two people sketches. It was really kind of cool because stand up is frightening when you first do it. It kind of makes you nauseous! So it’s nice to have someone there to absorb some of the pain. I did that for like two or three years and then when I first went out on my own it was scary. But I realized I liked that much better. I like being on my own. I work with people good, but it’s nice to do things on your own.

What is your favorite part about being a comedian?
My favorite part is that you really never master [comedy]. You hope to get better at it, but you never completely control it, so it’s exciting! That way I never get tired of it. I can go through stages where I bomb out of a club or it’s some small part of the country where they don’t get me, and it can be depressing at times. But the fact that [comedy is]  always changing and that you can always get better at it is my favorite part.

What has been your riskiest career move so far?
Probably deciding to talk about other comedians, like going after other comedians. For example, I go after Jay Leno in my act, and if I don’t like a movie I go after the people in the movie, things like that. It’s like one of those unwritten rules that comics can do jokes about Lindsey Lohan all day but if you start talking about another comic it’s taboo. So I think talking about other comics and talking about the business in general is tough. I do this speech every year in Montreal at the comedy festival called “The State of the Industry” where I basically say what I think is wrong in comedy and show business. So that would be the risky side.

So tell me some more about your comedic style.
My goal in comedy is to say that I’m the same offstage that I am onstage…except that I’m trying to be funny more onstage. One thing that I do is that I like to talk about what comedy is.  So I will do the joke, then I’ll talk about the joke, and then I’ll talk about me talking about the joke…I actually have a joke about it! I’ll say that before I was in the comedy business I was in the “deconstruction” business. I never built a house, I just commented while other people were doing it. “Dry wall? Looks more like WET wall!” So that’s my style. You can call it deconstruction, maybe, but I’m not always deconstructing because I do say actual jokes. People don’t know it but I have actual jokes. It’s debatable. But they’re jokes!

Now I have to ask, why did you decide to guest star on the Disney Channel show, Wizards of Waverly Place? It seems like a random career move for a stand up comedian.
That was a show that I was asked to do because I know a lot of people who write for it. There was a time period where there weren’t as many sitcoms out there and a lot of really funny comedy writers and creators moved to more kid type shows since there were more opportunities there. A friend of mine who worked on the show, Peter Murietta, requested me. So that was cool, but I didn’t realize what a sensation the show was! Now kids who watch the show are all of a sudden noticing me. It’s a new demographic for me! I told my mom, “Watch the show, but remember that it’s a kids show.” And after I do it she goes “Was…was that a show for KIDS?!” She just couldn’t get the concept.

And how did you land your recurring guest role, “Andy,” on Everybody Loves Raymond?
Raymond was exciting because it was such a hit show, so it was just fun to be able to eat all the food that would be supplied for a hit show. And I love those coffee machines you put the plastic thing in and it makes ONE cup of coffee. Unbelievable! The way I got the role “Andy” was all these writers and comedians meet with me every Sunday at this deli out in LA called Victor’s and we all hang around. I got to know all these writers, so when Raymond got picked up they wrote the role for me. The main thing was I didn’t have to audition. And when I audition, that’s when things can go sour.

Sour in what way?
Well that part was written for me, it was my name, it was easy. But when I go out and audition, it’s rough because I don’t really like auditioning that much. I don’t mind it, but I don’t like it. I’ve noticed that when you go in on these auditions, sometimes you can try and be yourself…they don’t want you to do that. They want you to launch into the role. Me, I like to kibbitz. However, I would like to try to do movies. More serious roles. Not too serious though. I’m not like a wannabe male version of Meryl Streep, I don’t want to do different languages. Though I love doing comedic roles too, so I’ll take anything.

Now you are often thought to have portrayed a character in the World Wrestling Federation, but you claim that it wasn’t you. Can you clear up this whole “Jamison” conflict?
It’s so funny to me because first of all, if I was that guy, I don’t think I would deny it. Why would I deny it? I’m clearly not him, and no one seems to know what the answer is. I can’t seem to get an answer. All I can say is that there is footage of the guy who plays Jamison and there are pictures of him and unless you really believe that all Jews look alike, there’s no way that I’m him. So I would say that this is a theory that is mostly being perpetrated by Christians.

Christians?
Christians. But I always thought that Jamison was really played by someone named Andy Kindler, a different Andy Kindler. But now people are thinking that maybe that name was given to him, I don’t know. It’s something that is a mystery but not one that a huge amount of people are interested in solving. What do you think?

I’ve seen pictures of him and he doesn’t look like you at all!
I know! And I love that on Wikipedia anyone can go on there and start changing information. For a long while I would go on there and my wife would go on there and change it and it would be changed back! The more I deny it, the more they think I am Jamison! It’s just crazy.

And how does being Jewish affect you in the comedy industry?
I think being Jewish is so much a part of who I am. I actually have more of a personal spirituality view, like I don’t go to temple right now but growing up I went to temple and I was bar mitzvah-ed. And I just feel like Jewish people are the funniest out there. It’s not like we’re the only people who are funny, but I used to make the argument that we’re funny even when we’re not trying to be funny. Like once I was driving in the car with my friend Bill, who is also a comedian, and he wasn’t trying to be funny. The Whitney Houston song “How Will I Know” came on the radio and he said “You’ll know, Whitney. You’ll know.” So humor’s built into our DNA because of all the thousands of years of getting oppressed. That’s how we react to it.

Any last comments for the Oy!sters out there?
My message to the Jewish people is “Enough already with the—” no I’m just kidding. “Keep reaching for the stars?” Is that Casey Kasem? You know what the problem with this question is? I’ve always had a weak closer for my act. Not weak, but you know how most people end their acts with a big ZAZOOM? Not me.

How do you end your acts?
I end it with a joke that goes over reasonably well. And then I talk a little too long about it and then I uncomfortably make my way to the exit. Midsentence.

You can catch Kindler at the “TBS Presents A ‘Very Funny’ Festival: Just For Laughs Chicago,” today through Saturday, June 19. Andy will be hosting the ALT COMEDY shows at the VIC Saturday, June 19, at 7:00 and 9:30 p.m. and also participating in the Best of Fest show Friday, June 18, at 11:00 p.m. at the Mayne Stage.

Spanx CEO Laurie Ann Goldman

Oprah swears by her Spanx.

Gwyneth and Tyra love `em too. Madonna wore them on her world tour. And Cynthia Nixon’s Miranda even touts them in the new movie  Sex and the City 2 . “I’ve tricked my body into thinking it’s thinner—Spanx,” the character proudly tells her girlfriends over brunch.

All these celebrities—and millions of other women too—have Jewish Spanx, Inc. CEO Laurie Ann Goldman to thank. In case you’re not in the know, Spanx manufactures footless pantyhose and other body shaping undergarments for women, helping them find solutions to embarrassing fashion faux pas like “VPL” (visible panty line) and “muffin top” (fat spilling over the waistline of skirts and pants). And now, Spanx sells a men’s line, undershirts “with benefits,” according to Goldman. The men’s line is produced in Israel as are some of the other Spanx products. (Who would have thought Spanx could make a nice last-minute Father’s Day gift?!)

Goldman recently spoke at a JUF Executive and Professional Women’s Network luncheon about how she got into the underwear biz.

Before joining the Atlanta-based Spanx eight years ago, Goldman had spent a decade with The Coca-Cola Company as the leader of its worldwide licensing division. While on extended maternity leave, she discovered Spanx through happenstance. Goldman had been invited to a fancy party and called a girlfriend of hers for some last-minute 911 fashion advice on how to hide the extra baby weight. “Spanx just came out with control top fishnets,” Goldman’s friend told her. “If you’re a little fat from the baby, wear any black dress with these and you’ll look fabulous.”

Goldman raced down to her local department store and discovered they were sold out of the fishnets. “I was aggravated so I asked the store how they were doing on supply side sales management,” she said. It turned out she had complained to Spanx founder Sara Blakely’s ex-boyfriend, who happened to be the CEO of the company at the time. Impressed by her business acumen, he told Goldman that he “really needed a boss” and, soon, she was hired.

After an unforgiving work schedule at Coca-Cola, Goldman wanted to approach her work/life balance at Spanx differently so that she could spend more time with her husband and three sons, now ages 16, 12, and 10. During her job interview back in 2002, “I talked about all the things that I could do for the business,” she said. “But I also talked about carpool schedules and baseball games and how my kids just needed a mom.” Her original contract stated that the “employer recognizes the employee has a responsibility to family and community.”

For Goldman, the Jewish community has always played a central role in her life. Raised in a strong Jewish New Orleans home, Goldman learned from her parents—both past Campaign chairs at their local federation—about Jewish values like education, family, and compassion. Jewish tenets, says Goldman, come into play every day as the CEO of her company. “The focus on common sense, doing the right thing, and being a good person is at the heart of what Jews do,” she said. “That is evident in everything I do work-wise and how we treat our employees, vendors, and customers. It you do the right thing, it will work out.”

And today, things seem to be working out for Goldman. She’s helped grow Spanx from a startup to a global $350 million company, with 100 employees in 23 countries. Changing a woman’s outward appearance transforms how women feel on the inside too, she says. “We have a mission to make people feel better about themselves and their potential. If you solve wardrobe problems for them, then you can change how they feel about themselves and, consequently, what they go out and do,” she said. “We talk about things that nobody’s ever talked about before and we give people permission to laugh at themselves.”

Alex Epstein writes really-really short stories. Most don’t even take up half a page of his newly published quarter-page format book,  Blue Has No South . This collection of his latest work was masterfully translated from Hebrew by Becka Mara McKay.

As Epstein admits, short fiction is “not a common Israeli form,” but he has been working with the concept of “flash fiction” since his early prose attempts of the early 1990s.

The shortness of the stories belies their depth. With titles like “Another Conversation with Death,” “The Last Dreams in the Garden of Eden,” “The Crippled Angel,” and “A Short and Sad Imaginary Guidebook for the Traveler to Prague,” Epstein’s stories are minimalist yet nuanced. When the end result is so short, every word matters, and Epstein plays with his words, coaxing multiple images out of a single phrase.

“For me, it’s always about the writing process,” Epstein said during a recent bilingual Hebrew and English reading of his work. “When I’m writing, anything can inspire me – a sentence or a word or an image will materialize and take hold of my imagination. Everything can find its way into the stories.”

The May 17 reading was part of the “Global Voices” series at the International House at the University of Chicago.

Epstein, who was born in Leningrad in 1971 and immigrated to Israel at the age of 8, is an Israeli author. Yet his subjects are not stereotypically Israeli: no conflict or camels or desert in these stories. His is world literature, and he’s been praised as the heir to Baudelaire, Borges and Kafka.

McKay, the translator, said she struggled to transfer some of the word plays and ultimately had to reach for an Italian word in one of the stories to accurately preserve the pun. Hebrew’s limited variety of words places boundaries on the way an author can play with the language. The more widely endowed English vocabulary can add meanings even to really short fiction.

“Becka understands the importance of every word in a very short story,” Epstein said.

English also opened many doors for Epstein, he said. He has gained an entirely new audience by virtue of having his work translated. Moreover, translations to other languages stem from publishing in English. Epstein said that his work has been translated into Greek, Korean and Hungarian directly from the English incarnations rather than the Hebrew originals.

McKay, who is also a published author, views the collaborative spirit of translation as its biggest benefit.

“When I put something out there [via translation], it’s not just my own,” she said. “It’s part of something bigger than my own writing.”

In addition to Blue Has No South, Epstein is the author of two other collections of short stories and three novels. He is the recipient of the 2003 Israel’s Prime Minister’s Prize for Literature and a 2007 participant in the International Writing Program at the University of Iowa. He currently serves as 2010 Schusterman Foundation Visiting Israeli Writer at the University of Denver.

McKay’s translation of Suzane Adams’ Laundry was published in 2008. She is also the author of a book of poems, A Meteorologist in the Promised Land and currently teaches translation and creative writing at Florida Atlantic University.

Chicagoans might remember Wall Street Journal columnist Jeffrey Zaslow from his 14 years in the Windy City. As a successor to Ann Landers, Zaslow doled out advice on all sorts of life questions through his column in the Sun-Times. Thousands of people are still making his mother’s chicken soup, he says. Since then, Zaslow has written or co-written three best-selling books, including  The Last Lecture , Highest Duty the story of Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger’s plane landing on the Hudson and The Girls from Ames, a record of female friendship. His Journal column, “Moving On,” focuses on life transitions.

Oy!Chicago: How do you choose which stories to focus on?
Jeffrey Zaslow: I like to write things that are accessible. I’ve gotten many letters and e-mails saying that they think about themselves when they read it, which is what you want your writing to do. All of my books are about the same thing: love.

What advice would you give budding journalists in a world where newspapers are potentially dying?
I wish I had easy answers. All I can say is that if you want to write, you should. On one hand, it’s hard to get out of school and get a newspaper job like I did. On the other hand, when I was young (I’m 51), you had to get someone to print your stuff. And now Internet sites will run your stuff and it looks great. There are chances to write and be read. You don’t have to wait for somebody with a printing press to print what you’ve written.

How does modern media influence your work?
The Last Lecture [co-written with Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch] was a confluence of all different types of media. First there was this four-minute video online. People e-mailed it to each other by the thousand. Then the whole lecture was put online, and then there was the book. Years ago, if I had written about it, I would have quoted a few lines from it and it would have come and gone in one day.

The Girls from Ames is a story of female friendship. What was it like for you as a male reporter to get to know these women and some deeply personal things about their lives?
I have three daughters, so I was prepared from that perspective. I know women need strong female friends throughout their lives. It keeps them healthier and happier—all the research shows that. I approached the book as very much an outsider. I didn’t assume anything about these women. The Ames girls rolled their eyes at me when I asked a silly question, but in the end, I was like an outsider reporting on this sociological phenomenon of women’s friendship.

Catch Jeffrey Zaslow this Monday June 7 at the Standard Club for  JUF’s Non-Profit and Educators Division dinner .

Also this week, David Gergen, Senior Political Analyst for CNN, will speak June 3 at JUF’s Government Agencies and Lawyers Division dinner at the Hyatt Regency Chicago.

We have some exciting news to share with all of you! Last night, Oy!Chicago took home the top prize for best external website at the 2010 PRSA (Public Relations Society of America) awards dinner.

The prom dress

Last year, I won a dress in a raffle. The gown happened to be designed by my favorite designer, one that I don’t typically buy from because… well…her clothing costs almost as much as my monthly rent. As I approached the auctioneer to claim my winnings, I contemplated the perfect occasion to wear the dress. But as I looked at my prize up close, I saw the dress wasn’t my size. So I tucked it away in my closet and let it gather dust.

Many months later, this spring, I volunteered at the Glass Slipper Project, a charity that donates dresses to underprivileged girls to wear to their prom. Volunteers are matched with the teens, acting as their personal shoppers to help them find dresses and accessories for their big night out.

And there it was—while volunteering, I had finally found the perfect occasion for the dress.

I saw one of the young women grab my dress from the rack, try it on, and take it home. Envisioning that girl feel like a princess on her prom night brought tears to my eyes. Knowing she would wear the dress made me so much happier than wearing it myself ever could.

‘The Happiness Project’

The happiness I felt for that young woman got me thinking about what makes people happy. And really, what’s more important to think about? I scoured the Borders bookshelves and found dozens of titles on the subject—apparently I’m not the only one with happiness on my mind.

During my research, I read two books. “The Happiness Project,” (HarperCollins Publishers) by Gretchen Rubin, is about a Manhattan lawyer, wife, and mother of two young girls, who sets out on a quest to make her life the happiest it could be by making small changes—singing in the morning, cleaning her closets, and spending more time with her family.

Then, I read “29 Gifts,” (Da Capo Press) by Cami Walker, the true story of a 33-year-old newlywed woman, diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, who was feeling really sorry for herself. A medicine woman recommends that Walker give away 29 gifts in 29 days as a way to get outside of her own headspace. “By giving,” the woman tells her, “you are focusing on what you have to offer others, inviting more abundance into your life.”

Both books argue that performing acts of kindness not only brings happiness to others, but raises your own sense of happiness too. In one study, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky researches different sources of happiness. One of the best, according to the psychologist, is performing acts of altruism or kindness, such as visiting a nursing home, helping a child with homework, or mowing a neighbor’s lawn. Doing five acts a week, especially all in a single day, substantially boosted the happiness of the subjects in Lyubomirsky’s study.

Committing deeds of loving kindness, gemilut hasadim, is central to Judaism.  The Talmud teaches that giving to others brings us closer to God (Sotah 14a):  “…We should follow the attributes of the Holy One of Blessing.  As God clothes the naked, you should clothe the naked. The Bible teaches that the Holy One visited the sick; you should visit the sick.  The Holy One comforted those who mourned; you should comfort those who mourn. The Holy One buried the dead; you should bury the dead. Rabbi Simlai taught: The Torah begins with deeds of kindness (gemilut hasadim) and ends with deeds of kindness.’”

Kindness boosts the happiness of both the recipient and the giver and, as a result, happiness circulates in the world. This concept is what Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) teaches us. We are taught to repair the broken world, and that everything we do, good or bad, large or small, affects the balance of the universe. Take the story of the prom dress. I was happy for the young woman who chose my dress. I just know she felt happy wearing it on her prom night, and perhaps she’ll pay the favor forward some day by giving back. Maybe she too will volunteer for the Glass Slipper Project one day, having had such a positive experience as a recipient. One good deed will circulate a lot of happiness in the world.

My guide to happiness

In “The Happiness Project,” Rubin identifies 12 ways she has achieved greater happiness. Here are a dozen of the ways I find happiness in my life. I hope they’ll make you happier too.

1) This summer, walk, jog, bike, or swim by the lake: For one thing, exercise releases endorphins in the brain, which help boost your happiness. Plus, whether you’re in a good mood or a bad one, looking out at the water makes you realize how small we all are compared to a great big world.

2) Look up at the sky: Sunsets, the skyline, the stars, clouds shaped like animals…There’s a lot of cool stuff up there.

3) Listen to cheesy 80s music: A few recommendations from my iPod playlist are Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer,” and anything Madonna.

4) Call your grandparents often: They’ve led fascinating lives and they’re smarter than you.

5) Just give: No matter what you give—a meal, a dollar, a smile, your time—there’s someone out there who needs it more than you.

6) Watch “When Harry Met Sally:” It’s just the best movie ever. And that line—when Harry tells Sally that “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible”—is just the best line ever.

7) Spend time with people who really get you: Whether they’re significant others, family, or friends, hang out with the people you really like and spend less time with the people you don’t.

8) Eat S’mores: It’s an unscientifically proven fact that no one has ever been unhappy while eating S’mores. Bonus points if you can eat `em over a campfire, but a microwave works too.

9) Tuck in a kid: From time to time, I get the joy of tucking my 2- and 5-year-old nephews in for the night. We read together (usually the same book 4 times in one evening) and we recap the adventures of their day (they have this way of making mundane activities seem fun and extraordinary). Find a kid, either your own or someone else’s, to tuck in.

10) Share Shabbat with people you care about: Even if you’re not religious, Shabbat is a nice time to set apart from the rest of the week to reflect and enjoy.

11) Laugh more: According to “The Happiness Project,” a small child typically laughs more than 400 times each day, while an adult laughs only 17 times. Raise that average.

12) Spend money on airline tickets to visit people you love: It’s worth the money.

Oy! wants to read your guide to happiness—Tell us what makes you smile by posting in the comments section below:

Chicagoans are well-represented in Washington, D.C. these days. Last week, Chicago’s Jewish community was no exception, as 36 members of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago’s Government Affairs Committee (GAC) made their voices heard in the capitol—and I got to tag along. For me, this trip—my first time in D.C. since junior high—was an opportunity to see the real ins and outs of Washington and get up close and personal with my elected officials.

Against the backdrop of the nomination of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court, the BP oil spill, the bomb scare in Times Square, recent passage of health care reform and shaky economic times, we arrived in D.C. to meet with most of the Illinois Congressional Delegation and senior White House officials. In addition to thanking legislators for their continued commitment to Israel and for supporting the Iran Sanctions legislation, this year’s agenda focused on domestic issues including health care reform implementation, IRA Charitable Rollover and Medicaid extension, Workforce Investment Act reauthorization and the Emergency Food and Shelter program—issues that impact the core services of Federation agencies like Jewish Child and Family Services (JCFS), Jewish Vocational Services (JVS), Sinai Health System and CJE SeniorLife.

For all the participating agencies, the need this year is greater than ever.

“Clearly this year we have seen a tremendous rise in families in need,” said Suzanne Franklin, JCFS director of community services. “Those that had never come to our doorsteps before are now seeking help and financial assistance and food subsidies and emergency shelter, and those are our main concerns—being able to be there for those families when they need us most.”

For Roberta Rakove, senior vice president of Government Affairs for Sinai Health System, what goes on in Washington is crucial.

“We are incredibly dependent on the government,” she said. “About 60 percent of our patients are covered by Medicaid, 20 percent are covered by Medicare and 13 percent are uninsured, so what happens with health reform, Medicaid and with Medicare is incredibly important to Sinai.”

She, along with Mark Weiner, president and CEO of CJE SeniorLife, came to Washington hoping for an invitation to sit at the table with legislators as they determine the future of health care, among other things.

“I think the mission for us [was] extremely successful because in doing it in conjunction with Federation, we have access to government officials that is just unbelievable. It gives us an opportunity to speak to the key decision-makers and allows us to participate in the framing of the future health care system.”

I also had a chance to talk briefly with Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky, who expressed her thanks to Federation.

“Through the decades, in good times and in bad times, JUF has always been there,” she said. “It’s very helpful for representatives to come to the Hill and present these real life stories—how things work on the ground—to members of Congress. I appreciate these days when JUF comes to the Hill.”

On day one, we met with Illinois Senator Dick Durbin, who spoke favorably and warmly about Federation agencies, particularly Sinai Health System. Both he, and staff from Illinois Senator Roland Burris’s office, were receptive and positive about the issues discussed by the delegation.

Lynn Sweet, Washington Bureau chief for the Chicago Sun Times, joined us over lunch to discuss the exciting goings on in Washington and Chicago’s representation in D.C. “There are so many Chicagoans in the White House,” she said, “I like to call it the 51st Ward.”

We also visited the Israeli Embassy to meet with Public Diplomacy Minister Noam Katz, who discussed the political process between Israel and the Palestinian Authority, the security challenge of Iran, and Israeli-American relations.

On day two of the mission, we split into groups to meet with 18 of the 19 Illinois house delegation. Representative Danny Davis had this message for Chicago’s Jewish community: “When people are able to work together in an organized way, share as much of the same vision as is possible and determine the quality of life worth pursuing and then go out and pursue it, the sky becomes the limit and there’s nothing that cannot be accomplished.”

The final meeting of the trip was at the White House Executive Office Building, where we met with Susan Sher, a Chicagoan who serves as assistant to the President and Chief of Staff to the First Lady; Danielle Borrin, special assistant for Intergovernmental Affairs and Public Liaison; and Heather Higginbottom, deputy director of the Domestic Policy Council.

Whether your sport is baseball or football, or you just love to watch the Olympics, it’s likely Bob Costas has graced your TV screen. The Emmy award-winning journalist, national sportscaster, Olympic commentator and author has covered every major sport since his broadcast career began in 1973. Since then, Costas has covered six League Championship Series, five World Series, and four Super Bowls for NBC Sports, along with the past four Summer Olympics and three Winter Games, including the 2010 Vancouver Winter Games. He has been with NBC sports since 1979, and has also hosted HBO sports and entertainment programs since 2001.

You can catch Costas Monday, May 17 at the Hyatt Regency Chicago for JUF’s Trades, Industries & Professions Division (TIP) dinner for Financial Services, Marketing and Media and Real Estate and Building divisions. Register or get more information.

In a recent phone interview with Oy!Chicago’s Stefanie Pervos, Costas talks Olympics, the current state of sports journalism, what makes Chicago a great sports city and to answer the age old question—Cubs or White Sox? :
 
Stefanie Pervos: How has sports broadcasting changed over the past 5 or 10 years—how does the web and blogging influence what you do?
Bob Costas: It’s a very mixed bag. You still find people very effectively taking a more or less traditional approach, and you find other people who are talented who have a different kind of new age approach to things…It’s great that everyone has a voice but not everyone’s voice is equally credible, equally responsible. To me, the issue is not the technology itself but how well is it used. If something is poorly written and not credible then it’s poorly written and not credible if it was the first thing off Gutenberg’s printing press. If it’s brilliant and insightful and well written and thoughtful, then I don’t care if it’s on a blog or the front page of the New York Times—it’s still good.

What was your overall reaction to the Vancouver games this winter? What were some of the highlights and low points?
The lowest part for all of us was just before the Olympics began when the Georgian luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili, was killed on a practice run. The high points included Kim Yu-Na’s performance—it was more than just a Gold Medal performance, it was magnificent and elegant—and Joannie Rochette of Canada who got the Bronze in skating just a few days after her mother had unexpectedly passed away—she showed great grace and presence. Lindsey Vonn and Julia Mancuso and Bode Miller bouncing back and doing as well as they did were good stories from an American perspective. And Shawn White is very charismatic and continues to draw people to a sport that they might otherwise not know much about or pay much attention to. And absolutely topping all of it was the last event—the Canadians winning the Gold Medal on their home ice against the Americans in overtime. I mean you couldn’t script a better scenario than that and it just ended the Olympics on a wonderful note. And I thought that Vancouver did a wonderful job hosting and presenting the Olympics

Chicagoans were definitely split in their opinions about the 2016 Olympic bid. Would you have liked to see the 2016 summer games here in Chicago?
I definitely would have liked to see them in the US. That’s a selfish perspective but any US-based Olympics is extremely appealing to American television, and it would have been of great interest to NBC. So, I was somewhat disappointed from that perspective. I understand the pros and cons and there are always going to be reasonable people—they’re not anti-sports or anti-Olympics—who say, look it would be great to have an Olympics but let’s consider the cost and what are we perhaps shortchanging in order to put resources and attention into this. So there is always going to be responsible opposition to an Olympics in any city and I know that existed in Chicago too.

On the other hand just from the standpoint of how good the bid was, in terms of venues and transportation and all the aspects that would go into making an Olympics a successful presentation for an international audience and all the athletes and visitors, I’m told that the Chicago bid was extremely impressive and it becomes kind of apparent that there was and still is some anti-American sentiment within the IOC because of other issues that don’t have much to do with Chicago at all..I was not so much surprised that Chicago didn’t win the bid, although I thought they had a good chance to do it, but it was shocking that they went out on the first round.

What makes Chicago a great sports city?
I think what makes Chicago a great sports city is that first of all it has a long history—with the Cubs, the White Sox, the Bears—these are flagship franchises, as are the Blackhawks. The Bulls history is not as long, since they came into existence in the 60s but because of Michael Jordan and those six championships they have that kind of history behind them. And I think it’s the passion of neighborhoods— it’s a big city but it always has had a great neighborhood feeling to it. It’s a great newspaper town. [Chicago has] had colorful broadcasters which is part of it too, bigger than life personalities bringing you the exploits of a team. You’ve had great successes, like the Bears winning the Superbowl and the Bulls winning all those championships. And then you have all the lovable losers and frustrations—the Cubs, not winning since 1908, and the Blackhawks haven’t won since 1960—and their fans remain loyal. And I think great venues have to do with it too, you know you have Soldier Field and Wrigley Field and those places just ooze history. All these places are distinctly Chicago.

I have to ask—Cubs or White Sox?
I think the White Sox might have the better team this year and I am very fond of the people who run the White Sox. I’m also anxious to see how the Ricketts do with the Cubs. The one thing the Cubs have over almost any team in baseball, unless you’re talking about the Red Sox, is their venue. There’s something about Wrigley Field that is so winning and so charming and so appealing... So with all due respect to the White Sox—you know the White Sox won in 2005, and since it was a year after the Red Sox had won, that broke the longest drought without a World Championship with the exception of the Cubs. And while it was a big deal, for whatever reason it’s nowhere near as big of a deal as if the Cubs were to win, not just in Chicago but on a national basis.

Who, in your opinion, is the greatest Jewish athlete of all time?
This is probably generational, but a) because I like baseball and b) because it’s my childhood I’m going to go with Sandy Koufax…Although I’m not Jewish I certainly remember when Sandy Koufax wouldn’t pitch on Yom Kippur in the World Series and how that filled Jewish fans with pride, especially because he then would come back on two days rest and win anyways, so Koufax was a mensch there’s no doubt about that.

Michael Masters has quite the resume.  At just 31, he’s acquired a law degree from Harvard, a Master’s in International Relations from the University of Cambridge and an impressive record of public service on behalf of the City of Chicago — serving in Mayor Daley’s office as an Assistant to the Mayor for Public Safety and now as the Chief of Staff to the Superintendent of Police, Jody P. Weis.

According to the Chicago Jewish News, which did an extensive cover story on Master’s back in March,  Masters is, “Jewish and young and smart and modest and wouldn't look out of place in an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog or at one of Chicago's blue-blood law firms.”

Masters will be speaking at an upcoming Friends of the IDF Young Leadership event on May 12 and was gracious enough to take some time out of his very busy schedule to chat with  Oy!Chicago:

Cheryl Jacobs: Jews aren’t particularly known for careers in the military or in law enforcement, as an officer in the United States Marine Corp and Chief of Staff of to the Superintendent of Police of the Chicago Police Department, what took you down this path?  Did you always plan on a career in law enforcement?
Chief of Staff, Michael G. Masters: I have always been very drawn to public service.  The notion of giving back – particularly by those who have had opportunities that many do not - is something that has always been stressed to me by my family.  I also have been fortunate to have very good mentors and other people in my life who stressed the value of service, so it has always been my focus.  Uniformed services – whether the military, police or fire – have a special significance to me; it is a unique calling for the individuals who make up these entities.  I have been fortunate to be given the opportunity to work within and with these organizations.

I would also note, with respect to your question, that in my recent travels, I have met a large number of Jews who proudly serve in their nation’s military and law enforcement organizations…it is an important point to remember, particularly considering the threats that Israel has faced, and overcome.

Take us through your typical work day…
In reality, I have no typical day…which makes my position incredibly interesting, as well as challenging and rewarding.  Usually my morning starts at about 4:50 in the morning when I reach for my Blackberry and go through the incidents that have occurred throughout the night, as well as any other information that might have come through; I also go through the newspapers for anything that might be going on or of interest.  A lot of what we deal with on any given day is driven by the events that occur in the previous 24 hours.  I get to the gym and make it to work between 7 and 7:30.  Once at work, it is a balance between ensuring that information is flowing where it needs to, events and incidents are being attended to, guaranteeing that projects are being completed and that the Superintendent’s strategic vision as well as goals and objectives for the Department are being addressed and met.  We are constantly working to ensure that the Superintendent’s and Mayor’s vision for the department are effectuated.

What do you love most about what you do?
The people that I have the opportunity to work for and to work with are what I enjoy most about my job; I believe that I have one of the most rewarding positions possible.  First, I have had the unique fortune of working for two great leaders, both with amazing vision — the Mayor and the Superintendent. 

Another incredible part of my position is the opportunity to work for an organization with the history and traditions of the Chicago Police Department and on behalf of our officers.  The men and women of the Chicago Police Department are some of the most dedicated people that I have been privileged to know.  Everyday, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, they are out on the streets – answering calls, running down dark alleys, moving through buildings - working hard to serve and protect our city…and each of us.  It is an honor to serve in a capacity where I can work to try to support their efforts to keep our streets safe, and help make the lives of the residents of our city better.

You just returned from a JUF law enforcement mission to Israel. What was your overall experience on the trip? 
Visiting Israel in a law enforcement capacity is a very interesting experience made more unique by sharing it with individuals who have never been there before.  It was a learning opportunity and a great observational experience as well.  The Chicago Police Department is one of the most advanced departments in the world, in terms of technology, equipment and deployment and intelligence capabilities, so it was a great opportunity to share information and ideas with similarly situated police departments and organizations.

What was it like working with the IDF?
The interaction between the security agencies, police and military in Israel is truly unique; the IDF plays a large role in all of Israeli society – as most of your readership is aware – and they have a significant level of responsibility in a variety of areas outside of what most Americans would view as the role of a military organization in a democratic society.  In Israel, this sharing of responsibility seems to work well; our briefings and meetings with the IDF, as well as opportunities for sharing information with the representatives from the military, was very interesting.  The individuals we interacted with from the IDF were dedicated, mission-oriented and deeply committed to their country; it was a great experience working with them.

Can you give Oy!Chicago readers a preview of your talk for the May 12, FIDF Young Leadership event?
I will be discussing my observations regarding the training and capabilities of both the organizations that we interacted with [in Israel] as well as our own domestic law enforcement agencies.  I will talk about the comparative capabilities of both, with a focus on best practices.  Chicago is well ahead of the curve; we are one of the most advanced police departments in the country, both with respect to technology as well as the use of analytics and intelligence in deployments.  The Mayor continually challenges us to work harder as well as smarter; at the Superintendent’s direction, the result has been an adaptive and advanced police agency.  Our interaction with other entities, and the Israeli government in this case, demonstrated that; I will be discussing the nature of that capability in a variety of scenarios.

What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
Eat at Hub51.

Join Friends of the IDF Young Leadership for a dessert reception with Masters on Wednesday, May 12, at 7 pm.  The event will take place at 250 East Pearson Street, 37th Floor.  Tickets are $10 in advance/$15 at the door.   Register here.

City Walk. Photo credit: Eric Devir

More than 10,000 spirited people came together at seven different locations throughout the Chicago metropolitan area Sunday for Israel Solidarity Day featuring the Walk with Israel. The event, which celebrated Israel’s 62nd anniversary, featured six-kilometer walks, the festive beats of the King David Drummers, along with other entertainment and food at each location.

North Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Bob Kusel

This year, participants had a second reason to celebrate—the day also marked the 150th birthday of Theodor Herzl, the father of modern Zionism. Beautiful weather also gave participants a reason to come out and celebrate.
“It’s been an amazing experience, to see all these people out enjoying a beautiful and sunny day, getting ready for the activities and to walk, there is nothing more than we can ask for,” said Kim Frankenthal, who co-chaired the day's events along with her husband, Stuart. “Israel is something that has always been special in our hearts,” Stuart Frankenthal added. “We’ve traveled many times, it’s our homeland and that’s what is important—we have a homeland to go to.”

All of the money raised at this year’s event will go towards “Supplies for Success,” a program that provides students in JUF’s Partnership 2000 Region of Kiryat Gat-Lachish-Shafir with basic school supplies like pencils, pens, paper and backpacks.

“I love Israel Solidarity Day because it’s a way to celebrate our homeland,” said Igor Kravchenko, 24, who attended the Northwest Suburban Walk in Buffalo Grove with Russian Hillel. “Aside from a great way to spend a Sunday, I think it’s a very great cause. Am Yisrael Chai!”

Northwest Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Steve Donisch

Lee Lazar, chair of the Near West Walk, said he loves the annual event because "it’s a wonderful day for the community to come together in support of Israel and a great day to spend with my family and the [families] in the community...to just really have some enjoyment in support of a cause and in recognition of something that means a lot to us. I’m always going to be involved in Israel Solidarity Day, I love it!”

Congressman Jesse L. Jackson, Jr. gave remarks at the South suburban walk in Flossmoor. “The south suburban Jewish community has always spoken loudly for Israel with one passionate, unified voice and it has been my honor to be your megaphone in Washington for the past 15 years,” he said. “As you know, I have always stood as a champion of Israel in the Congress. And now, more than ever, our support for her must be unwavering.”

South Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Aaron Cohen

Congressman Mark Kirk shared the following remarks in Highland Park: “…We have an unbreakable alliance with the State of Israel…the foundation for our alliance with Israel is not based in the State Department, it is not based in the defense department, it is based with the elected representatives, Democrats and Republicans, who will stand with the State of Israel.”

North Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Bob Kusel

North Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Bob Kusel

Skokie/Lincolnwood/Rogers Park/Peterson Park Walk.
Photo credit: Brian Houck

City Walk. Photo credit: Lindsey Bissett

Skokie/Lincolnwood/Rogers Park/Peterson Park Walk.
Photo credit: Brian Houck

North Suburban Walk. Photo credit: Bob Kusel

If you enjoyed attending the recent Matzo bash: The Leftovers, you could thank Cary Wolovick.  Cary, the Program Coordinator for the Midwest Region of B’nai B’rith International, not only co-sponsored the event, but originated the idea for the get together—he wanted to raise more dollars for the earthquake victims in Haiti.  Cary is what you’d call a mensch.

Born and raised in Wheeling and a graduate of Northern Illinois University, Cary has always been passionate about Judaism and politics.  At his job with B’nai B’rith, Cary lobbies and advocates for Jewish causes and raises dollars to help people in need.  In his free time, he volunteers in the community and enjoys a good political debate from time-to-time.  An avid sports fan, Cary can often be found at Cubs, Bears and Hawks games.

So, whether you’d enjoy eating dinner with Moses, want to make the world a better place or are a political junkie, Cary Wolovick is a Jew You Should Know:

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
Facebook.  It has to be Facebook.  I use it for almost everything work related at B’nai B’rith.  I use Facebook for just about everything.

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
Hmm, I thought about that one all weekend and I still can’t answer it.  I think I’d go to all of the European Mediterranean countries.  Anywhere that I’m let in—not the ones where my Israeli stamps would be an issue.  And I’d stop in Israel, of course.

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
Another tough one.  I would say Robin Williams, but he is probably too old.  How about Matt Damon?  We both have blonde hair and good looks.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
I would love to have a conversation with Moses to hear about how he did what he did.  And Bobby Kennedy.  I’m a political junkie and he is my hero.  Eating with the two of them would be a fun dinner.  I don’t know how much they’d talk together, but it would be a fun story.

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
I guess I’d say relaxing along the beach and then going to a Cubs or Bears game with some friends. Well, going to any Chicago sporting event, especially the North-side teams would make for a perfect day.

6. What do you love about what you do?
I love the fact that through B’nai B’rith I can help impact people in meaningful ways.  I love educating people about what we do.  We work on so many issues ranging from what’s going on at the UN to helping low income seniors.  I help convey important messages and raise money for important causes that my organization supports.  We just did a fundraiser to give teddy bears to kids in the hospital, which was really meaningful and awesome.  We’ve also been working hard (with Oy!Chicago) to raise money for Haiti.

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
I’d probably be working for one of the political candidates this year.  I’m not giving away my political allegiance, but I’d be working on a campaign.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
I would say my favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago is…well, there’s a ton.  I try to make the circuit on everything.  But probably I’d say, enjoying a nice Shabbat dinner somewhere in Lakeview or Bucktown or West Rogers Park.  I’d relax, unwind and get to know the people I’m sharing dinner with.  I think that’s my favorite.

Recently, I stumbled upon a comment on one of TJ Shanoff’s blog posts from an old colleague of his at Second City. The comment linked to the website of author and University of Chicago Alum, Abby Sher, and promoted her new book “Amen, Amen, Amen: Memoir of a Girl who Couldn’t Stop Praying.” I was intrigued by the inside cover:

Until the age of ten, Abby Sher was a happy child in a fun-loving, musical family. But when her father and favorite aunt pass away, Abby fills the void of her loss with rituals: kissing her father's picture over and over each night, washing her hands, counting her steps, and collecting sharp objects that she thinks could harm innocent pedestrians. Then she begins to pray. At first she repeats the few phrases she remembers from synagogue, but by the time she is in high school, Abby is spending hours locked in her closet, urgently reciting a series of incantations and pleas. If she doesn't, she is sure someone else will die, too.

I sat down to read her memoir from start to finish. In a brutally honest, beautifully written, at times funny and often heartbreaking account, Abby opens up about a life ruled by obsessive-compulsive disorder, cutting and anorexia. Abby’s struggle to build a life for herself and her loved ones is difficult to read, especially at her darkest moments— facing an abortion, the death of her aunt, father and mother and the mental abuse of a bad boyfriend. While reading, I began to pray along with Abby that one day she would find the inner peace she was so desperately searching for, some happiness and a semblance of a healthy life.

During our phone interview, Abby opened up about everything from her time living in Chicago and working at Second City to life after her mother’s death and to whether OCD is a Jewish disease and how it shouldn’t be seen as just a negative disorder:

Cheryl Jacobs: When did you decide to turn your life into a book? Did you have concerns about being so open about your life?
Abby Sher:  I wrote a piece not really knowing that I would be opening up my life. I was taking a personal essay class in 2004, right after my mom died, and my teacher was an editor at Self Magazine and she bought it. That started the high of writing things that were haunting me and when it ran in 2007 another editor contacted me and wanted the memoir. And I said, “Yeah, do you want to write it because I don’t want to.”  This was in 2007, I was done writing about myself and had begun chipping away at fiction and trying to get over this eating disorder. But the fact that somebody said, “you should give it a try” was definitely a huge factor. The whole proposal process wound up being really helpful too, with organizing what kind of story it could make. I sold it to Scribner in 2007 and once it was an assignment I knew there was no turning back. With each draft my editor was great and really pushed me to be more and more open and revealing.

Do you think OCD is somewhat of a Jewish disease?
I have gotten many responses like that where people have said, “well this is what happens to us Jewish ladies.” But I don’t know if I could say it’s Jewish though, because there is Catholic guilt— with repeating the rosary… I think Buddhists are the only ones who don’t have to deal with this as much.

People see it [OCD] as a disorder, but it has also been tremendously helpful for me through some really difficult situations. My praying every day now is a very different experience then even two years ago. The challenge is, can you go back to services without having to repeat every word in the prayer book or kiss it a certain number of times.

Tell me more about your time at Second City?
It was fantastic! I think improv in many ways is the antidote for OCD, because you are forcing yourself to be present (not that I was always successful) living in a character and be spontaneous. You can’t be writing in your head or repeating. You have to present for your partner. I was riddled with self doubt much like any performer in history.

One really harsh director once said to me, “If you are not present for your partner, then get the fuck off the stage.”  It’s not just about you. It was a real wakeup call also. I found a vocation where I was accountable to someone in a real non life-threatening way, which was a huge gift for me. I definitely miss the high of performing every night and creating shows all the time. It helped me take my words less seriously because they’d be gone in a minute. I couldn’t recapture whatever just happened on stage.

Do you keep in touch with the people you write about in the book?
Yes, definitely, some of my closest friends are still there [at Second City.] Everyone in the book has read this or I’ve given them at least one version of it and they’ve okayed it.

Tell me about what it was like for you living in Chicago.
I really had a great time in Chicago. It was a very formative time for me. I wouldn’t have left home [in Westchester, New York] given the choice. I went kicking and screaming, but it was the only way I could gain some independence. I loved Hyde Park. I loved the intensity of living down there. I loved how the demographics changed when the school year was over— you became a minority.

How is your relationship with your siblings these days? Have you grown closer?
That’s actually been the hardest one, because so many of my family members learned about the stuff I was going through for the first time through the book. It’s been surprisingly helpful with my distant relationships.  My mom’s side, which I wasn’t as close to growing up, has been so welcoming. Everyone should write a memoir so you don’t have to introduce yourself anymore. My brother and sister and I have never been super close and it’s been hard especially not having my mom forge our relationship for us. It’s a lot of work and at this very moment, it feels very tiring.

What advice do you have for other young people facing OCD? What do you want readers to talk away from reading Amen, Amen, Amen?
I think the biggest pillar of OCD or any affliction is secrecy. The more secret your actions or rituals or obsessions become, the more out of control they feel. Many people have reached out to me through my website, I love talking to them. Especially people who have gone through similar experiences. It is so important that you just talk to someone you trust. It’s totally worth it to talk to someone even if you or they don’t have the answers.

Are you still praying every day?
Yes, I do have a daily practice and I will say I really enjoy it. The other day I couldn’t get to it till 8 at night and before I couldn’t do that. Sometimes I still do have to keep myself in-check and make sure that I’m not going over 40 minutes and make sure that other rituals aren’t creeping up and those are definitely things I check in with my doctor about.

Are you planning more books? Is there anything else you want your readers to take away from the book?
I’m slowly chipping away at a little fiction that is hopefully a little lighter, well, it’s fun— it’s dark humor. There are resources at the back of the book and there are also resources on the web site that I think are helpful. And the paperback is coming out October, 2010.

Hey Oy!sters-

We just thought you guys would be interested in this story—two leaders of Chicago’s Jewish Federation were the first official representatives of the North American Jewish community to travel to Haiti since the catastrophic earthquake. Thanks again for attending our fundraising parties for the Jewish Federation Earthquake Relief Fund—read on to hear their first-person accounts of visiting this devastated nation and learn what the Jewish community is doing to help.

Stef and Cheryl

"We walked among the Haitian people where bodies still lay under the rubble." Steven B. Nasatir, center.

The first official representatives of the North American Jewish community to travel to Haiti since the catastrophic earthquake, David Sherman, Chairman, and Steven B. Nasatir, President of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago have just completed a 36-hour fact-finding mission to the devastated island nation.

On Tuesday they had an hour-long debriefing with Haiti’s President Rene Preval and first lady Elisabeth Preval, and toured Haitian relief work with Amos Radian, Israel’s Ambassador to the Dominican Republic, and Honorary Consul General of Israel to Haiti Gilbert Bigio.

In their warm meeting with President Preval, Sherman and Nasatir expressed "the American Jewish community’s support for Haiti, and our admiration for their courage in dealing with the adversity," Nasatir said. After presenting the President with a tzedaka box, Nasatir and Sherman explained that tzedaka is an opportunity for righteous action… "and as a matter of fact the President then made a contribution."

They then discussed what Nasatir described as "a very important project of education and welfare that we hope to help happen here, one that will cement further the friendship of the State of Israel with Haiti and the American Jewish community with the people of Haiti." Details of that project will soon be forthcoming.

Meanwhile, Nasatir and Sherman toured two schools run by JDC, a Federation overseas beneficiary, where he saw education is the key to Haiti’s future, as well as the Haitian people's appreciation of the generosity of the American Jewish community and Israel.

"Just to see these smiling faces of young children back in school, in a setting with Jewish signs on the wall, makes me feel so proud to be part of our community," Sherman said. "Prior to the earthquake many kids were not in school to begin with, so some of these children now have the opportunity to attend school for the first time in their lives. I can’t help but notice how much can be done with so little resources."

"What also becomes clear is the long-term importance of education," Nasatir said. "If there’s anything positive that could emerge from this disaster. perhaps it’s the reconfiguration of education in this country… It is clear that for a different future, the education of children is key."

Wherever they went, Sherman and Nasatir noted trauma and destruction that they described as "overwhelming." The counterpoint to that, they said, was the work of so many trying to do their best in impossible circumstances.

"Then you meet the young women working on behalf of IsraAID and I cannot help but think, these folks are just angels working in such a difficult and deadly environment. I feel proud to be part of a community that cares about repairing the world," Sherman said.

"I feel proud and privileged saying that we represent Jews of America," Nasatir said. "People here understand the involvement and contribution and the energy that we and our partner organizations have brought to the rebuilding of Haiti. There is a special quality that we Jews and Israel bring to situations like this, and it’s clear that significant numbers of citizens of Haiti, at least from anecdotal information, seem to understand that. Whether it’s standing in front of a second-grade classroom or speaking directly with president or the prime minister, that’s a theme that’s very strong and important."

During their visit Nasatir and Sherman described the confidence instilled by the work of organizations that are being funded by the Federation's Earthquake Relief Fund.

"Our confidence was definitely justified; the projects we saw and the people we met are of the standard and the quality that makes JUF so credible," Nasatir said. "Clearly there is no one organization, no one fund, no one government that can solve all of Haiti’s problems. But, we can carefully choose to take on initiatives… Our suggestion is that the investment should be made in connection with education initiatives; that is the long term key for this country to get back on its feet."

As they were departing Haiti, Nasatir summed up the impact of the experience.

"We saw people living in conditions that no humans should have to live under, and we are talking about 1 to 2 million people living in makeshift tents… It is certainly not something that any of us can stand idly by and tolerate. We often talk about the role of the Jewish people in helping repair the world. This clearly is a part of the world that is in need of repair and in our small but important way we will continue to do what we can to help the people of Haiti," he said.

Listen to reports from the field (report one, report two, report three, report four) by Sherman and Nasatir as they visit some of the humanitarian programs run by IsraAID and JDC, supported through Chicago’s Jewish Federation Earthquake Relief Fund, which continues to accept donations. The Jewish Federation has taken a lead role in Haitian diaster relief.

Sherman and Nasatir were in Haiti representing both the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago and the Jewish Federations of North America. Nasatir wrote eloquently about the situation in Haiti, and how the Jewish community and Israel have responded, in an op-ed piece published in the Jan. 30 issue of the Chicago Sun-Times.

Let’s face it—even though the sun is starting to shine around here and we’ve all prematurely busted out the tanks and sandals (don’t kid yourself—you know you did it too), we could all use a little vacation. But, you whine, hotels can be so expensive! Have no fear, Chicagoan Jeff Eckerling is here to help.

After graduating from Tulane University, the Wilmette-native had a three-year stint as a CPA for Ernst and Young before joining the original team of Orbitz.com back in 2000. After about 9 years, Jeff—along with two of his colleagues—left the travel mega-site to create BonVoyou, a members-only website that can save you up to 50 percent on stays at boutique and luxury hotels nationwide. Every day, a handful of hotels go on sale and the sales last only for a few days.

When you join Bonvoyou, you become a member of an exclusive network, meaning you have to be invited by another member (click here for an invitation from Oy! to join BonVoyou.com). Being a member is completely free, and they’ll give you a $25 credit the first time a new member that you referred books a hotel. Also, a portion of the proceeds from each sale goes to a charity—right now their current charitable partner is Bright Pink.

So whether you love to stay in swanky hotels, dream of being the Cubs’ general manager or just love a run through Lincoln Park, Jeff Eckerling is a Jew You Should Know:

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
www.BonVoyou.com, and here is your invitation to join: http://www.bonvoyou.com/invite/oychicago

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
Having worked in the travel business for 10 years, I've been fortunate to visit and see some amazing places in Europe, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Right now, I would love to go on an African safari and explore Patagonia in South America.

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
According to a flight attendant, it apparently would be John Turturro, as she actually thought that I was him. Of course, if John Turturro was not available, I would think a younger Harrison Ford would do.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be?
I think I would pick Jacques Cousteau and Sir Ernest Shackleton. They have both traveled to the ends of the earth, and I would love to hear their stories first-hand.

5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
Well, clearly going to work and having a successful day followed by a run through Lincoln Park or a good workout at the gym—and seeing a Chicago Cubs victory!

6. What do you love about what you do?
I have the opportunity to bring a bit of luxury within everyone's reach while building a business from the ground up with a great team.

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
General manager of the Chicago Cubs. After my failed attempt to purchase the Cubs, I realized that my place would be as an employee within the organization.

8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
Picking up a bagel and lox from NY City Bagels in Lincoln Park or going with a good friend and grabbing a table at Eleven City Diner. Oh, and holidays with my family.

Catch Jeff this Thursday night at the Elysian Hotel as part of a panel discussion presented by the Business Professionals Network of the Young Leadership Division and TIP’s High Tech Division of the Jewish United Fund, titled “Online Consumer Businesses To Get You Through the Recession.” The panel of speakers also includes Shawn Bercuson, VP of Business Development for Groupon.com and Tony Bombacino, marketing director for Restaurant.com. For more information, visit  www.yldchicago.org/events .

Eva Kor

“To Stefanie Pervos: Never ever give up!” is the phrase Eva Mozes Kor wrote inside my copy of her new book. I didn’t think much of it as I turned the page and began reading, but 135 pages and an hour long phone conversation later, I discovered that Kor was a woman who not only writes the words “never give up”; she lives them to the fullest.

A child Holocaust survivor, Kor, along with her twin sister Miriam, was just 10 years old when her family arrived at Auschwitz. Because they were twins, they escaped the fate of their parents and two older sisters, who did not survive the war, and became two of “Dr. Mengele’s twins,” subjected daily to sadistic medical experiments. Refusing to die, Kor was forced to fight for her and her sister’s survival every day. In her new book, “Surviving the Angel of Death: The Story of a Mengele Twin in Auschwitz” (Tanglewood Publishing, Inc., 2009) Kor, with the help of coauthor Lisa Rojany Buccieri, shares a true story of perseverance, survival and forgiveness in a format written for young adults.

“It’s a very simple idea that I am aware of and I know that young people relate to—growing up is very hard,” Kor said. “It’s very hard to grow up even if you live in the US and even if you have loving parents. So I am hoping as [young adults] read the story that they realize that they have it a lot better than I did. I did not give up. At times, [young adults] come up to me and they say ‘well how on earth can I give up if you did not give up?’ and that is exactly what I am hoping to accomplish.”

A resident of Terre Haute, Indiana, Kor founded an organization for surviving Mengele twins in 1985. Following the devastating death of her sister Miriam—who died in 1993 due to kidney complications from Nazi experiments during the war—she opened the CANDLES (Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors) Holocaust Museum and Education Center in 1995. The museum was destroyed by an arson fire in 2003, but rebuilt and re-opened in 2005. Kor is a recognized speaker nationally and internationally on topics related to the Holocaust, medical ethics, forgiveness and peace. She also leads groups of students and teachers on educational trips to Auschwitz and visits every five years on the anniversary of the liberation, Jan. 27, 1945.

Eva, with her sister Miriam, being led out of Auschwitz

At the end of her book, in addition to her message of “never give up,” Kor has another lesson: “Forgive your worst enemy and forgive everyone who has hurt you—it will heal your soul and set you free,” she writes. Kor has forgiven the Nazis for what they did to her and her family, and was the subject of a documentary titled  Forgiving Dr. Mengele .

“By forgiveness, I feel that every person can reclaim their own power which we all have…Forgiveness is the best way to practice Tikkun Olam,” she said. “If anybody would have asked me 17 years ago today, if I would forgive the Nazis I would have told them to please find a really good psychiatrist.”

But then she met Dr. Hans Munch, who had worked as a doctor in Auschwitz. Kor took this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn more about the experiments performed on her and Miriam during the war. Unexpectedly, Dr. Munch also shared with her the operating procedure of the gas chambers, where he worked signing the death certificates.

Kor said Dr. Munch refused to do selections in Auschwitz because he didn’t want to be in charge of who would live and who would die, so instead he worked in the gas chambers. People would be told that they were going to take a shower, he told her—remember your hanger number, tie your shoes together. Then they would walk into a luxurious shower room, and once it was packed to capacity, they would close the doors. Zyklon B pellets dropped from a hatch-like opening in the ceiling, acted like dry ice and the gas rose up from the floor. People climbed on top of each other, trying to escape the gas.

“When the people on the top of the pile stopped moving, he knew that everyone was dead,” Kor said. “And then he would sign the death certificate—never any names only numbers.”

Kor said she never knew this was how the gas chambers operated, so she asked Dr. Munch if he would join her in Auschwitz in 1995 to celebrate 50 years since the liberation of the camps and sign a document which stated this information—he immediately agreed to do it.

“Here I will have a document signed not by a survivor who witnessed it, not by a liberator, but by a Nazi who was there,” she said. “To me that was very important, so whenever a revisionist says that it didn’t happen I could take this document and shove it in their face.”

In searching for a way to thank Dr. Munch, Kor stumbled on the idea of forgiveness—so she went about writing Dr. Munch a simple letter, forgiving him for his actions during the war which she read to him when they visited Auschwitz.

“I immediately felt that all the pain that I was carrying for 50 years was suddenly lifted from my shoulders, that I was no longer a victim of Auschwitz, that I was no longer a prisoner of my tragic past; I was finally free,” Kor said. “I was physically liberated from Auschwitz on Jan. 27, 1945; I was completely and emotionally liberated from Auschwitz on Jan 27, 1995 by my own initiative.”

Of course not everyone agrees with Kor’s motto of forgiveness—her ideas have received some resistance from her fellow Holocaust survivors and Holocaust scholars. And, she said, she recognizes that forgiveness is not always an option, like when someone’s life is in immediate danger. But despite all this, she plugs on sharing her message of forgiveness, while making sure the members of the next generation never forget what happened at Auschwitz.

This Sunday, April 11, is Holocaust Memorial Day, a perpetual reaffirmation of our commitment to “Never Forget.” To mark the commemoration, check out these very special events to honor those we have lost:

At 1:30 p.m., the 65th annual community-wide Holocaust memorial observance, sponsored by Sheerit Hapleitah  of Metropolitan Chicago and co-sponsored by JUF, will be held at Skokie Valley Agudath Jacob Synagogue, 8825 East Prairie Road in Skokie. At 8 o’clock that evening, WTTW-Channel 11 will broadcast the new Masterpiece Classic production of “The Diary of Anne Frank.”

CANDLES Holocaust Museum will hold a Holocaust Remembrance Day Ceremony Saturday, April 10, at 4 pm–Kor will lead a public candle-lighting ceremony to commemorate and tell her story of surviving Auschwitz and Dr. Mengele’s experiments on twin children starting at 1 pm at the museum.

After the success of last year’s Job Fair, the Jewish United Fund (JUF) and Jewish Vocational Service (JVS) will host their second annual Job Fair for young Jewish professionals on Friday, April 16. Designed for entry- to mid-level professionals, the job fair will take place at the Standard Club (320 S. Plymouth Court) from 10 a.m. – 2 p.m.

Last year’s Job Fair attracted some 300 job seekers and 40 prospective employers. Ron Dulin was one of these attendees. “I spent most of my life as a musician and, in more recent years, was in banking. After being laid off from banking, I went back to school to finish my MBA,” said Dulin. “I heard about the Job Fair from a friend and decided to go.”

Dulin met with Steven Slivnick, director of Operations for the Government of Israel Economic Mission, who was looking for a new Director of Business Development. “When we started posting the job opening we couldn’t find enough qualified applicants,” Slivnick said. “We were really struggling to even find [appropriate] places to post the listing. The Job Fair solved our problem. We found several qualified applicants, interviewed quite a few of them and hired Ron.”

Gail Silver, vice president and director of human resources for JMB Insurance, was surprised by the number of high-level professionals who attended the first fair.

“We were delighted to meet a candidate who turned out to be one of our eventual hires and is currently in our Producer Development Program,” Silver said.

“We absolutely would attend another fair,” said Stefanie Pessis Weil, principal at Giving Tree Associates. “There was definitely a high caliber of candidates coming through. We were looking for something very specific with people just out of school who could start a long-term career with us and we found two great additions to our company.”

“Three hundred people walked through the door and several of them got jobs, but even more made solid connections and got good information to make it worth everyone’s time,” said Andy Kirschner, a career services representative with JVS and one of the fair organizers.

In addition to face-to-face contact with hiring firms, job seekers can participate in several career workshops and receive career counseling and resumé help at a Job Search Strategy Resource Table. A Job Fair preparation workshop will also be held from 9-10 a.m. This year’s fair promises to be even larger that the first. “We are planning to improve and expand every aspect of [the fair] — it can only get better from here,” said Kirschner.

To register online visit  www.yldchicago.org/jobfair . For more information job seekers should contact Ariel Zipkin at (312) 357-4880 or  yld@juf.org and employers interested in participating should contact Lainie Kaufman at (312) 444-2826 or  LainieKaufman@juf.org .

Jewish author and dating veteran Lori Gottlieb is telling single women everywhere to “break up with the list.” You know what the list is...That running checklist of attributes in your head that your future mate must possess and don’t ask you to settle for less.

But Gottlieb, who is in her early 40s, says maybe settling for less isn’t such a bad thing. As a single mother—who at age 37 decided to have a baby on her own—she’s come to realize that perhaps she’s had unrealistic expectations of what the man of her dreams should be like.

In her new book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough,” (Dutton Books), Gottlieb, a Los Angeleno, outlines her case for she and other single women to stop searching for a fictional Prince Charming and, instead, to look for Mr. Good Enough, who could turn out to be a great guy, even “the one,” if given the chance. She examines the Catch-22 that women face: how to reconcile the desire for a husband and family with such a long list of must-haves that potential men who could make wonderful life partners are rejected right off the bat.

The book comes two years after her controversial article on the same subject ran in “The Atlantic.” In her book, Gottlieb interviews marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, couples therapists, and clergy, plus hundreds of single and married men and women.

Recently, Gottlieb sat down for a phone interview with Oy!Chicago about why the number 80% may be a better percentage than we thought, the differences in dating deal breakers for men versus women, and why we should give guys who do “Austin Powers” impersonations a second chance:

Oy!Chicago: Why did you write this book?
Lori Gottlieb: Like a lot of women, I was wondering why I hadn’t found the right guy. As I got older, when I would listen to my married friends talk about what they really love about their husbands and what was making them happy in their marriages, it had nothing to do with the things that my friends and I who were single and out there dating still would talk about when we were talking about the guys we were dating. [My married friends] would say things like, ‘Oh, he made me tea,’ and ‘he programmed the Tivo.’ And we [single women] would be like ‘Oh my god, did you see the way he buttered his bread on the date.’ It was like these completely unrelated worlds and yet the whole point for us, because we happen to want to be married, of dating was to find the person that we wanted to spend our lives with. Yet, we were looking for things that had nothing to do with whether we were going to be happy in marriage with these people.

What are the important commonalities to look for when dating?
One question I always asked married women was is your spouse like the person you thought you were going to marry. And so many times, they’d say, ‘Not at all. I thought I was going to marry someone who is like this, this, and this. But in the core things that I wanted, yes.’ It wasn’t like they had the same taste in music necessarily or they both loved hiking and sushi or whatever. If they do, great, but it was more that they were similar in the way they viewed the world—they had similar values, they liked and disliked the same people, they wanted the same things in life, they had similar ideas about what would make them happy in life, they were both flexible and able to compromise, and [shared] basic things like kindness and humor.

In the book, describe the difference in deal breakers between men and women in dating. 
There was a survey where men and women were asked what would be a deal breaker for going on a second date.  Men named three things that I thought were very legitimate—she has to be cute enough, she has to be warm and kind, and she has to be interesting to talk to. Women named 300 things that would rule out a guy for a second date. They were things that, again, had nothing to do with whether you’re going to be happy in a marriage with that person. So why not go on a second date? This is given that they were attracted to the guy, they thought that he was cute, they thought that he was smart, they thought he was personable, and they had a decent time. Some of the deal breakers were, ‘Oh, he did that Austin Powers impression, forget it,’ or ‘He’s not stylish, no thanks.’

You say women are storytellers. Can you explain what that means?
Women tend to make these judgments so quickly about a guy because women are more natural storytellers and we do want to know how the story will end or at least progress. We’re sitting there across from someone on a first date and we’re thinking is this somebody I can imagine myself in a relationship with as opposed to is this someone I can imagine myself having another two-hour dinner with and there’s a big difference. Some women say that’s smart because I don’t want to waste my time with someone that I’m not going to end up in a relationship with. But you have no idea who you’re going to end up in a relationship with. We get ahead of ourselves. Because the bar is so much higher for that relationship question than the second date question, we’re using the relationship criteria to decide whether we want to go on a second date with him, but really we need to use the second date criteria.

Your dating coach in the book tried to get you to “break up with the list” and be more open to different types of guys.  Have you changed your dating ways since writing the book?
It was very hard for me in the beginning. It’s hard to adjust our perceptions a little bit and be a little more open to the idea that what we think of as our type might not actually be the kind of guy who will make us happy…There was a woman I talked to who is engaged to a guy she met on Match.com because she didn’t notice the guy checked the “has kids” box. She said she never would have gone out with him if she had noticed that he had kids because she didn’t want to get into a relationship with somebody who already had kids.

Why do many women have “the list” in the first place and unrealistic expectations of men?
We don’t realize that we do this. I didn’t realize I was picky. I think a lot of women have the same attitude as I did and thought, ‘I’m not picky, I just know what I want and I have high standards.’ I’m not saying to anybody to lower your standards. I’m just saying have high standards about what really matters in terms of making you happy...It’s not about looking for the perfect person, it’s about looking for the perfect partner for you. Who do you want to go through life with?

You say in the book that men have more realistic expectations in dating than women. Why?
…Men are much better able to compartmentalize. Women think that the guy that they find has to be everything. Men think, ‘I have to be in love with her, but she doesn’t have to be everything.’

Your book has sparked a lot of controversy. Why do you think this book strikes such a chord and, sometimes a nerve, with people? 
I got two really mean letters. One said that the reason you are still single is that you are ugly. Hooray for feminism, right? The other one said that I was a sorry excuse for a human being or something like that. It is striking a chord or nerve, but most of the mail that I get, other than those two, has been extremely positive. The bloggers are the ones who are saying, ‘I’ve never read this book, I’m not going to read it, but I hate it anyway.’ It’s kind of like reviewing a movie based on the movie poster. The irony of that kind of thinking is that they’re doing the same things in their dating life. They’re judging the book by its cover and that’s the same thing as looking at a guy on a first date and saying, ‘He’s wearing a brown belt with black shoes. I know I don’t like him.’

Where does the provocative title come from?
The title is based on a survey in the book where men and women were asked if you got 80% of all of the ideal qualities you want in a partner, would you be happy? Ninety-three of women said, no that is settling, I’d be very unhappy with just 80%. And most of the men, said 80%? Yeah, I’d be thrilled—that’s a catch. The question is can we be happy with less than everything? And [the answer is] not only can we be happy, but the people who aren’t looking for everything, the people who are looking for that 80% are the people who are happiest in life and in their relationships.

Explain the “Mr. Good Enough” part. 
What it means in the title is we’re all Mr. and Ms. Good Enough. Evan, my dating coach, told me to forget, for a second, about what I was looking for. He asked me to write down a list of all the things that a guy would have to put up with to spend his life with me. It never crosses our mind that someone else is going to have to compromise because we’re all [taught] that we’re such a catch and every guy would be lucky to have us and you go, Girl. But, we’re less than ideal in some ways to whoever picks us even if he’s totally in love with us. We’re all imperfect, we’re all good enough. But once you fall in love with someone, they’re Mr. and Ms. Right. It’s not about some mythical Prince Charming. It’s about finding the guy that you’re totally in love with and the guy is going to be this good enough guy who happens to rock your world.

You say good first daters don’t necessarily make good husbands. What do you mean?
Just because a guy isn’t the smoothest first dater doesn’t mean that he’s not going to be the husband you’re going to fall in love with and spend your life with. And just because a guy is really smooth and charming on that first date doesn’t mean he’s going to be a great husband.

How is dating a better experience for you now than before you went through this journey? 
I’m so much happier now in terms of my dating life than when I was doing it the other way. Dating used to feel very out of control in the sense that one day destiny will bring him and [until then], you feel helpless. When am I going to meet the guy that I’m going to connect with? I was making it so much harder on myself by restricting myself to all of these little things that would disqualify a guy early on. Now, the glass half full: I really like all of these things about this person and then you can see if there’s chemistry. And, people are more attracted to you as a person because you’re much more appealing when you’re more open-minded, less rigid, more flexible, and less judgmental.

Signing up for the marrow registry

We first heard Katie Meacham’s story back in December. Her sister, Lori Rosen, wrote of how in spring of 2008, one week after her 25th birthday, Katie was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and today she is searching for a match.

Doctors have said her best chance at long-term recovery and survival is for her to undergo an Allogeneic Stem Cell Transplant, meaning now she needs blood stem cells from a matching donor since her own blood stem cells didn’t keep the cancer away.

On March 4, nearly 200 Jewish young professionals came together for “Be the Match” bar night at Enclave Night Club for a marrow registry drive. The event—sponsored by Oy!Chicago, JUF’s Young Leadership Division, TIP Young Professional Groups, Chicago Center for Jewish Genetic Disorders, Birthright Israel NEXT, and Be The Match—resulted in 136 people signing up for the registry.

“I can't thank you enough for not only taking the time to come out but also for your support of my sister and family,” said Lori. “I told Katie all about the drive and she was so grateful to hear all the people that were there supporting her and all the others in need of a transplant.”

Among the volunteers at the event was Justin Brown, 34, who knows firsthand what it’s like to Be the Match.

Justin first signed up for the marrow registry about four years ago when a high school friend needed a transplant. About a year later he got a call that he had potentially matched with a 10-year-old boy in Italy. Further testing determined it was a perfect match.

A note and a picture from the boy Justin saved

“[The procedure I had was] very non-invasive,” Justin said. “It’s pretty much like giving blood, but it takes a little longer.” There are two methods of donation: peripheral blood stem cells (PBSC), which Justin had, and marrow. He said the procedure was done within several hours and he was back at work the next day. He later received a deeply moving letter from the young boy and though he’ll never know his name, Justin was able to connect with the boy whose life he saved.

“My parents say that you with the physicians have provided to our family the willingness to look at the future…,” the boy wrote. “Your stem cells are a real bomb, they immediately began to work…Thanks to you I will be able to live again, to play football with my friends, to attend again school.”

“I would do it again without hesitation,” Justin said. “It’s hard to believe that you actually saved someone’s life and gave them an opportunity to live, especially someone so young. It’s probably the most important thing I’ll ever do aside from having children of my own.”

Of the 14 million people currently registered to donate, not a single one is a match for Katie or the 6,000 others who are looking for a match every day. Registering involves answering a brief set of medical history questions, then swabbing your cheek with special Q-tips—it is free and painless. To register or to learn more about Be the Match, visit BeTheMatch.org.

Nothing brings religion more prominently to the forefront in a relationship than milestones like marriage and having a baby.

The scenario becomes, perhaps, more interesting or complex in a situation of mixed marriage—or so goes the Jewish, parental parable I’ve heard since my emergence from the womb. 

But it is the wondrous, child-like innocence my Catholic co-worker at TribLocal exudes when talking about Judaism that really has me questioning things.

My co-worker and friend, Melissa Riske and her husband Jason, who is Jewish, agreed upon a mixed union with a Jewish household three years ago when they got married. Now, they are expecting a baby boy.

While Melissa has not made the decision to convert, she’s an eager pupil in the field of Judaism, particularly because she and her husband decided to raise their children Jewish.

I’ve listened with curious fascination over the past few months as I’ve gotten to know Melissa and heard her tales of exploring Judaism, holiday by holiday.  She’s told me about her mother-in-law’s brisket on Rosh Hashanah and having to drag her Jewish husband to synagogue on Purim.

I love the stories—particularly, because it’s fun to hear about rituals that are otherwise commonplace for me through someone else’s fresh perspective.

Melissa’s latest challenge has been planning for a bris—one of many Jewish rituals she’s had to study up on quickly after a lifetime of Catholic practice and schooling.

As an aside, Melissa is half Mexican, Italian and German; Jason is Russian, Lithuanian Romanian, Spanish, Ukrainian and Polish. Together, they’ve had some care giving practice with their Siberian Husky, Maccabi—named after Maccabi Beer—whom Melissa calls their “first baby.” Even without a baby, their family avec dog is already a genetic United Nations.

Melissa’s curiosity, combined with her pregnancy, has seemingly revived her husband back into ritual.

While Jason grew up in a Conservative Jewish household with a mother who teaches Hebrew and Sunday school at two synagogues on the North Shore, Melissa said he seems to be gaining a new appreciation for ritual and tradition as they prepare for the arrival of their son.

Jason said it was important to raise their child Jewish because of his upbringing, although the couple doesn’t practice heavily right now.

“I went to school where two or three kids were Jewish and my brother and I were two of the three,” Jason says. “Even though we didn’t live in a Jewish community, [my parents] instilled that faith about how fun it is to be Jewish, the different things we do, how important that pride [is] of being Jewish.”

What seems so utterly healthy and inspiring about this couple is their ability to communicate, explore and take this Jewish journey together.

“[It’s] a learning experience for both of us,” Melissa says.

Before she and Jason got engaged, they met with a rabbi, who Melissa said helped to put her mind at ease. She said the rabbi—who ended up marrying them—made her feel comfortable about asking questions. “[The rabbi] made me feel like I could be myself and still be a part of the faith,” she says.

Even then, she had anxiety about knowing how to raise Jewish children.

“As our children grow, Jason says I’ll learn through our children,” she says. “[I] don’t have to know everything ahead of time.”

Melissa gathers part of her education through attending temple—which she said is easier when the prayer books offer a phonetic version of the Hebrew as well as translations.

In general, Melissa has not fully given up Catholicism. She still observes Christmas and Easter—although she can’t always get Jason to attend.

The biggest challenge, Melissa said, is getting her family on board with the changes—particularly around Christmastime.

“It’s a challenge in terms of getting them to pay attention,” she says. “We don’t want them to feel they’re losing Christmas; [we] want them to think of [it] in terms of gaining new experiences.”

The key to her and Jason’s success appears to be that they talked early and talk often, advice Melissa had for other couples venturing into a mixed marriage.

The couple confronted religious issues in their dating days and even covered the matter of how they would raise their children.

“We joke and tease each other a lot about religion,” Melissa says. “We’ve definitely found our groove with it—talking about it. In the beginning [I] had a lot of questions; I had worries. It definitely got smoother each passing year when [the holidays] became more routine to me.”

Spiritually, Melissa and Jason seem to be on the same page.

“We agreed on all of it,” Melissa says. “Even though we may pray in different languages, [we had] the same idea of what God meant and how important it was. That’s the foundation, knowing we believed in the same ideas.”

Meanwhile, Melissa says she’s discovering the art of Jewish geography. When she received a pediatrician recommendation from her doctor, she later discovered her mother-in-law knew him and Jason knew his son.

She is starting to pick up the Jewish sixth sense, where she can guess if a movie star might be Jewish.

“I hear and I wonder,” Melissa says. “I play the game too now.”

March not only brought the hope of spring, but, less welcoming, “Israeli Apartheid Week (IAW).”  IAW has developed into an annual, two-week hate fest (March 1-14) of coordinated anti-Israel events such as lectures, films, and “street theatre” activities held in cities and campuses worldwide.  Beginning in Toronto in 2005, by 2009 it had spread to 40 cities on all the continents.  IAW aims to portray Israel as a new South African apartheid country, delegitimizing and demonizing the Jewish State, and to build local support for boycott, divestment, and sanctions (BDS) campaigns against Israel.  In Chicago this year, we have tracked ten activities being held on and off campuses such as film screenings of “Occupation 101” and lectures entitled, “From Johannesburg to Jerusalem: Lessons from South Africa on Ending Apartheid.”

As the Program Director for the (Jewish Community Relations Council) JCRC/Hillel Israel Initiative, I help motivate and educate a new generation of Illinois college students to promote support for Israel on campus and beyond.  During the past eight years, my colleagues and I have worked closely with student activists helping to educate them on how to address the challenges of events such as 'apartheid week' as they play out on Illinois campuses.

Pictured at the Champaign rally are Lexi Abern, Yael Mazor, Rebecca Crystal, Gail Schnitzer, and Brian Rosen

This year, we are sponsoring programs that target different audiences, to marginalize IAW’s impact. For example, at the University of Illinois at Champaign Urbana an “IVest” campaign with the business school highlights the economic benefits to Illinois from doing business with Israel.  Additionally, following Israel Apartheid week, Israel Peace Week starts.  With major programming taking place daily, the real Israel – democratic, an American ally and miracle worker in Haiti – will be highlighted.

To read more about IAW, check out these op-eds from the JTA and Washington Post:

Op-Ed: Action needed to combat campaign delegitimizing Israel

Did you travel on a BBYO mission to Israel in high school?  Or maybe you attended a convention?  Or perhaps you participated on one of the local boards?  If so, meet Stacy Heller— she’s transitioned her childhood BBYO membership into a full time career.

If you knew Stacy back in college, you might have expected to see her on TV since she majored in broadcast journalism.  Instead, Stacy “choose the Jewish route”— giving back to her community— BBYO.  Today, Stacy is the BBYO Director in Chicago of the Great Midwest Region.

While Stacy’s job keeps her very busy, she says she’s wakes up everyday excited to go to work for an organization that gave her so much as a child.  Stacy oversees and runs the entire BBYO program, including:  working with its regional boards and helping to develop them into strong leaders, planning all of the regional conventions and programs, supervising the Young Friends and Alumni Network (FAN), acting as a liaison between the regional office and BBYO's international office and recruiting and promoting for BBYO summer programs.

Stacy still finds free time to go out with her girlfriends on Saturday nights or to stay in to host Shabbat dinner parties.  So if you enjoy a good home cooked meal, participated in BBYO back in the day, or have a penchant to fly around the world, then Stacy Heller is a Jew You Should Know!

1. What is your favorite blog or website?
Groupon- they have great deals!

2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
That's easy, I would book an around the world ticket so that I can see it all.

3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you?
Definitely Debra Messing.

4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be? Where would you eat or what would you serve?
First, I would eat with my grandmother who I never had the chance to meet.  We would eat a traditional, home-cooked, Jewish dinner together right here in my apartment.  It would include matzo ball soup, chicken, potatoes, veggies and of course a delicious dessert.  We would sit, relax and talk for hours!

The other person I would want to have a meal with is Tom Cruise.  He's always been one of my favorite actors.  We would definitely go for sushi at one of Chicago's great sushi restaurants!

5. What’s your idea of the perfect day?
Waking up, watching the TODAY Show over a cup of coffee, checking email and seeing what else is going on in the world.  Eventually, I would go to the gym, work and then come home to a good home-cooked dinner.   If it were the weekend I would get together with my girlfriends for a fun girls dinner and night out!

6. What do you love about what you do?
I love the fact that I wake up every day excited to go to work.  Working for BBYO has been a wonderful opportunity for me.  I love providing BBYO teens with meaningful Jewish experiences and knowing that I am helping shape and develop our next generation of Jewish leaders.  I was a member of BBYO when I was in high school, so I enjoy giving back to the organization that has done so much for me.

7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now?
I would probably be a news reporter/anchor.  I graduated undergrad with a broadcast journalism degree and spent a few semesters interning at CBS in Orlando…when I graduated I just happened to choose the Jewish route.

8. What’s your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago?
Host Shabbat dinner parties in my apartment and eat a good burger from Ken's Diner in Skokie!

Kim Mor and Sue Garstki of Krav Maga Illinois

Kimberly Mor and Sue Garstki, the owners of Krav Maga Illinois, in Highland Park, are giving new meaning to the phrase “get home safe.”

Their school is the first of its kind on the North Shore licensed to teach Krav Maga—the official self-defense system of the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF)—through the official Krav Maga Worldwide training center and the Ministry of Education in Israel. Their doors opened in October of 2009, offering courses in what they call the most efficient and realistic form of self defense, Krav Maga, for adults children and families, as well as boxing, kickboxing and jujitsu, to about 220 members.

“No matter where you go in the world (the Torah) is exactly the same,” says Mor. If there is a mistake in the Torah, then that isn’t considered a Kosher Torah. That’s one of the other things that really pulled me toward Krav Maga was that I knew that it was really from the source, it was the absolute truth when it came to self defense.”

This weekend, Feb. 27 and 28, Krav Maga Illinois is hosting Darren Levine, the U.S. chief instructor of Krav Maga. Levine, who trained with Imi Lichtenfeld the creator of Krav Maga, brought the self-defense practice to the U.S.  According to Garstki, the IDF is still using Lichtenfeld’s original book of combat, and because they are licensed by Krav Maga Worldwide, Mor and Garstki are teaching the original, traditional Krav Maga. On March 7, Mor and Garstki will host the mayor of Tel Aviv, Ron Huldai, giving their students and members an exclusive chance to see another side of Israel.

Mor—a Highland Park resident and one of the owners of Garden Fresh Markets—describes her first meeting with Garstki as beshert.

“Sue and I met very coincidentally at a SHALVA fundraiser where she was teaching a very small self-defense class,” Mor said. “I’ve always wanted to advocate for women who are victims of domestic violence and I met Sue and I knew I met a diamond because she has the personality to work with a giant or a child—she gets along with everybody.”

Combining Garstki’s expertise in Krav Maga and Mor’s connection to Israel—one of her children lives in Israel and her husband served in the IDF—they decided to open up the school together.

“It was sort of like fate brought us together,” Mor said. “We opened October 1 and with a wish and a prayer and all of our experience together we’ve created a thriving business.”

Mor and Garstki say they have members from all walks of life: homemakers, firemen, police officers, children and even some clients that are in their 70s. They say fitness is just a byproduct of Krav Maga, and that it is accessible to everyone, no matter what their athletic ability. It is as much about emotional fitness as it is about physical fitness.

“Many attackers know who to victimize…but once you become empowered in this, you walk a little different, you hold yourself a little different, you’re much smarter and you don’t become a target as easily as someone else,” Mor said. She said most altercations last about 30 seconds, so they train their members accordingly.

“We give everyone the right to defend themselves,” Garstki said. “We give them the tools, so it’s kind of like life insurance. Without self-defense training, we have no awareness; we have no idea about the things that can happen to us.”

They say many of their students come to Krav Maga not only for self-defense, but also to feel a connection to their family in Israel, although they say Krav Maga is not just for Jews. In fact, a majority of their students are not Jewish.

“Everybody feels a connection to the soldiers, whether they are Jewish or not,” Mor said. “Soldiers and their fighting spirit, we really teach fighting spirit here.”

Garstki, who is certified through Krav Maga worldwide, a Haganah instructor and a second degree black belt in Karate, has been teaching martial arts for 20 years. Though she is not Jewish, she discovered Krav Maga and fell in love with the practice.

“I do not have a Jewish background, which I think says a lot for Krav Maga,” she said. “I’m not coming from Israel and I’m not Jewish, yet I believe that the army is so strong and so prepared that I’m willing to practice this every day of my life. I love it. I think that’s a testament to how powerful Krav Maga is.”

To sign up for this weekend’s seminar or for more info, visit the Krav Maga Illinois website.

Spencer (center) on the drums with his band the Blisters
at the Feb. 14 Rock ‘n’ Raise for Darfur concert

A few months back, Oy!Chicago shared the stories of two local teens making a difference in Chicago’s Jewish Community. Spencer Tweedy, a 14-year-old blogger and musician, and Ethan Barhydt, a 19-year-old Darfur activist, were both highlighted this summer in JVibe magazine’s first-ever “18 under 18” awards honoring extraordinary teens. Since then, Ethan and Spencer have joined forces and combined their talents to make a difference in their community.

“When I had read about Spencer being a great drummer and having a blog, really reaching out to the Chicago community, I was thinking with the activism that I’ve done and the music that he does we could really create a powerful campaign around music and philanthropy, and combine those two elements to engage more students in the Chicago area,” Ethan said.

So they connected through Facebook, and got together to organize Rock ‘n’ Raise for Darfur, a month-long campaign throughout February combining music and philanthropy to raise funds for Darfuri refugee children living without access to quality education. The campaign, an initiative of Youth United for Darfur (YUFD)— a Chicago-based student coalition founded by Barhydt—is hoping to raise $50,000, about enough to fund an entire school in a Darfuri refugee camp through the Darfur Dream Team’s Sister Schools program.

For their main event, Ethan and Spencer organized the Rock ‘n’ Raise for Darfur concert, which raised $3,200 toward the campaign. On Feb. 14, more than 400 people came to hear Spencer’s band, the Blisters, along with several other Chicago rock groups including Madina Lake, Brendan Kelly and Big Science at the Metro in Chicago. The concert, hosted by YUFD, was also supported by the Enough Project, Metro, American Jewish World Service, Amnesty International, the Save Darfur Coalition and JVibe.

“It was really, really fun,” Spencer said. “My band played and it was just a great time. I think people really enjoyed the music as well as having the chance to help out in Darfur.” According to Ethan, Spencer’s drum solo was a big hit that evening.

Another local Jewish teen, Morgan Sendor, a student at Glenbrook South High School and the current leader of YUFD, has been a major force in organizing the Rock 'n' Raise for Darfur campaign.  She has mobilized youth across the city and helped coordinate many of the logistics of the concert. In addition to the main event, students at over 30 participating schools held fundraisers of their own, hosting bake sales, talent shows and open mike nights.

A second event, called Education for a Generation, a special reception for the Darfur Dream Team, will be held at the Union League Club in Chicago this Thursday, Feb. 25. The event, co-hosted by the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Education Center and the Enough Project, will feature Luol Deng, a Chicago Bulls star and native of Sudan, John Prendergast, co-founder of the Enough Project, Rick Hirschhaut, Illinois Holocaust Museum executive director, and Lonnie Nasatir, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League. Tickets and more information is available on the Darfur Dream Team website.

As of today, the Rock ‘n’ Raise campaign has raised $9,500. “Many of the groups have had to delay fundraising due to other fundraising for Haiti, etc.,” Ethan said. “So, we will be extending the campaign into March and even potentially April.  But $50,000 is still our goal.”

So what’s next for these two teens?

“If Ethan has anymore awesome ideas like this in mind, I’m sure whatever he comes up with I’d be glad to help,” said Spencer. “I definitely think using the things we specialize in together is just an awesome way to connect us to people living a crisis, like the Darfuri refugees.”

As two young Jewish women working in partnership to navigate our way through careers in the Jewish community, we were so excited to meet Amy Schiffman and Stefanie Pessis Weil, two young moms, and business partners, working in the Jewish nonprofit world, and wanted to share their story with the Oy!Chicago community:

Stefanie Pessis Weil (left) and Amy Schiffman (right)

When Amy and Stefanie met 10 years ago, they immediately clicked—forming a partnership and friendship that was clearly beshert.

It was then when Stefanie got a job with the Jewish Council for Youth Services, where Amy was working as the director of development. From there they went on to work together at Ida Crown Jewish Academy in Skokie until in early 2008, when they decided to go off on their own.

“We started joking around that one day we were going to go into business together,” Stefanie says. “We would always get phone calls from nonprofits saying, ‘can you give us advice on this or give us advice on that.’ One day we looked at each other and said, let’s do this.”

Amy, of Wilmette, and Stefanie, of Highland Park, wanted to find a way to balance their lives—finding time to have their careers and be there when their kids get home from school. Utilizing their backgrounds in social work and Jewish communal service and a combined 30 years of nonprofit experience, Amy and Stefanie founded Giving Tree Associates—a full-service consulting firm for nonprofit organizations, which much like its name, has grown from the ground up.

Thanks to their connections in the Jewish community, within just a few months of deciding to go off on their own the word had spread and they already had four clients.

“It’s really true that when you open your mind to something, then the opportunity comes knocking,” Amy says.

Since they first incorporated in February of 2008, they have worked with about 20 clients—both Jewish and non-Jewish organizations—including Chicago Jewish Day School, Beber Camp in Wisconsin, Imagination Theater and even Sigma Alpha Mu Fraternity. They have since hired several other young female consultants—two of which they discovered at the JUF Job Fair last June—and are currently looking to expand their staff.

Though Giving Tree Associates works with organizations of all sizes and sectors, they say they are most valuable to organizations with very few or non-existent development resources. Most clients have small to mid-size budgets, meaning under $6 million. Services include campaign management, event management, grant writing and research, strategic campaign planning and organizational development.

“In this economy, what organizations, and especially small nonprofits, are struggling with is [in the past] we could get by on earned revenue alone before with a little bit of fundraising and now we just can’t…suddenly we have to fundraise to the tune of 100,000 a year, so how do we do that?” Amy says.

According to Stefanie, Giving Tree Associates distinguishes itself from other consulting firms by using a really hands-on approach.

“The way we’re unique from most large scale consulting firms, is that we don’t just go in there and assess a situation and say here’s your plan, now execute it,” Stefanie says. “We actually hand-hold our clients…We’re teaching them how to fish.”

Before they even take on a client, Amy says, they must have an understanding that both the professionals and volunteers of the organization are dedicated to the cause.

“We are definitely not the least expensive game in town and that’s because we pour our heart and soul into every project that we have,” she says. “We really haven’t had a client yet who hasn’t been really satisfied. Generally we take the time to really get to know [each organization].”

As we wrapped up our interview, Stefanie and Amy realized Giving Tree Associates had something big to celebrate this month. “We are at our 2 year anniversary!” Stefanie says. “We made it through, we seem to be thriving and it’s really exciting.”

Sharna on the Jilabun Hike

The other night I was out and someone said to me, “Hey, you’re the Birthright girl.” So I started talking to him and it turns out he went on a Shorashim trip a couple of years ago. His friend though, hadn’t participated yet. I asked him if he was applying for this summer and he said, “No, this isn’t a good time for me. I need to do an internship and take some classes.”

I’m not someone who is great about hard selling anyone to do anything, but I hear this all the time: “It’s just not a good time for me to go to Israel.”

And I guess there are good times and better times and worse times to do things, but I worry that we are so programmed and sometimes struggle to jump on an unplanned opportunity because it doesn’t fit into our life’s itinerary.

Another friend who is 28 and went on a Birthright trip wanted me to take his 27-year-old wife, even though she is no longer eligible. I asked him if she had applied before and been waitlisted. He said, no, she had just been busy being at the top of her law school class, working in corporations, etc.

Her success is enviable, but I doubt it would have been hampered by a 10-day hiatus. He was super annoyed when I told him I couldn’t get her on a trip. She had opportunities twice a year from the age of 18-26 to apply. But, he argued: It was a never a good time.

Perhaps my upbringing has led me to believe that now is really the best time to take an advantage of an opportunity. I think of my aunt who suffers from severe Multiple Sclerosis—she used to love to travel, and no longer can. She used to be a social butterfly, but now barely leaves her house. Because her cognitive abilities are affected, we have the same conversation every time I see her.

“When is the next time you are going to Israel?”

“In May, Aunt Sharon.”

“I’ve never been to Israel, but I’ve been all over Europe, South Africa and many other places.”

If she had her health, she’d go to Israel. She would love to see our cousins, Jerusalem and she would definitely love all the shuks.

I’m not saying go to Israel because one day you might get a debilitating neurological disease—just don’t wait for the perfect time, because in life, there rarely are perfect times. Sometimes, you just have to take a risk and know that it will work out.

Registration for Taglit-Birthright Israel: Shorashim trips opens at http://israelwithisraelis Tuesday, Feb. 16 at 11 a.m. for previous applicants and on Wednesday, Feb. 17 for new registrants.

I hope to see you in Israel this summer—be sure to interrupt me when I’m on my cell phone talking in terribly accented Hebrew to say hello and introduce yourself.

You might already know that getting involved in JUF-sponsored programs and activities is a great way to give back, volunteer and get connected to Chicago’s Jewish community—but did you know these programs are also great places to find love? I know from firsthand experience—my fiancé Mike and I met while both working at JUF. Here are three couples—one dating, one engaged and one married—who met their besherts (destined) while participating in three different JUF-sponsored programs.

Amy and Scott—our dating couple

Amy Leff and Scott Schiff met about five years ago at Yad B’Yad, a volunteer program bringing together Jewish young adults with developmental and learning disabilities who live independently or with minimal support and Jewish young adult volunteers for social, cultural and religious activities. Bringing together the resources of The Hillels of Illinois and Jewish Child and Family Services, Yad B’Yad provides monthly activities for participants and volunteers.

Scott was referred to the program by his stepfather and Amy was encouraged to attend by a co-worker. When they first met in December of 2004, they learned they had been living in the same building for three or four years and had never run into each other.

“One day it came up that Amy needed a ride home,” Scott said—they’ve been inseparable ever since.

“At first I was scared,” Scott said. “She is my first real girlfriend.” Because he has Asperger’s Syndrome, Scott said it is often difficult for him to make friends and meet new people. “It felt really good because women had never pursued me before,” he said. “It was obviously destiny.”

Amy, 35, who is from Homewood Flossmoor, works in a therapy practice that specializes in children with learning disabilities and Scott, 36, originally of Highland Park works two jobs—in an optometrist’s office and at Jewel.

When they’re not working, Amy said the couple spends most of their time together, grocery shopping, cooking dinner or spending holidays with friends and family. They still attend Yad B’Yad programs as often as they can. 

Jason and Caroline—our engaged couple

Jason Chess and Caroline Friduss met in the summer of 2008 at the first Oy!Chicago get-together at a bar in Lakeview. Caroline was there to support a friend involved in the website and Jason was there to find a nice Jewish girl.

“I went up to a group of five girls and I started talking to the one I had noticed from across the room, Caroline,” Jason said. “I called her three days later, asked her out and the rest is history!”

Caroline remembers talking to Jason for a long time at the bar and realizing just how much they had in common. “I was so excited when he asked for my number that I called my parents the next day to tell them about him. My parents were in Israel at the time and they told their entire bus about it. Maybe it was beshert, maybe my parents being in Israel gave me good mazel (luck).”

Jason, 30, grew up in the suburbs of Detroit and moved to Chicago two years ago where he works as a business banker for National City/PNC. Caroline, 25, is originally from Highland Park and now works as a registered dietitian at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

Jason proposed this past Chanukah by creating his own episode of their favorite television show “How I Met Your Mother.” Jason created a video telling the story of their relationship, including scenes from where they first met at the Oy!Chicago party, their first date and other memorable moments from their relationship leading up to the proposal. They will be married in Chicago this September.

Their advice to Jewish singles out there? 

“Stop looking,” Caroline said. “When you stop looking for your beshert, it will happen.”

“Be involved in JUF, YLD, and other Jewish organizations. Be open to meeting new kinds of people,” Jason said. “We would like to thank Oy!Chicago and JUF for introducing us. It’s amazing how much this organization has done for us and we’re happy to volunteer and stay involved.”

Anne and Marc—our married couple

Anne Gardner Alexander and Marc Alexander met at LEADS—a program of JUF’s Young Leadership Division designed to acquaint young adults to Chicago’s Jewish community—in November of 2008. The couple was married November 15, 2009, just one year and three days later.

Anne, 36, a lawyer originally from Columbia, Missouri, had just moved to Chicago when LEADS started and was looking for a way to become involved in the community. Marc, 30, who works in corporate training and sales and is originally from Northbrook, joined the program on a friend’s suggestion that LEADS was a great place to meet girls.

“We met at a LEADS happy hour following an event,” Anne said. “We were in different LEADS groups and I was sitting chatting with a new friend from my group. Marc introduced himself and the three of us talked for the rest of the evening. We all exchanged phone numbers and the next day Marc texted me and suggested we hang out the following night.”

Anne said she didn’t take the relationship too seriously at first, because she thought Marc was too young to settle down.

“Because I did not take it as seriously, I was a lot more comfortable just being myself, which ended up being the best thing,” Anne said. “My focus with Marc wasn’t on determining if he was ‘the one’—I just enjoyed the time we were together. Of course, I know [now] I’ve found my beshert!”

“I knew I really liked Anne when I was driving to her condo just to walk her dog or picking up her groceries, or taking care of her when she was sick,” Marc said. “I knew I really loved her when I realized she was doing just as much to support me. The best parts of our week were the times we spent together. I knew she was the one when I realized that she had become my best friend.”

Marc proposed five-and-a-half months after they met, in May of 2008, and in November of 2009, they had a beautiful beach wedding in Longboat Key, Florida.

Anne and Marc offered these words of advice to singles: “Keep an open mind. Try to not have too many ‘deal killers,’ Anne said. “Get out there and meet people in person—we never would have met any other way.”

“Due to our difference in age, Anne fell outside my criteria in JDate, meaning that she never would have showed up in my JDate search,” Marc said. “Definitely keep an open mind. Don’t be scared to meet new people. Just get out there and do it and be friendly. That’s the only way that you might, by chance, stumble across that person who you want to share the rest of your life with.”

If you are alive, Jewish, and into sports you should know about figure skater Tamar Katz and the Israeli Olympic Committee’s ruling not to send her to the 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver. Her story has been covered by major news outlets including The New York Times and The Jewish Week. I am someone who is basically pro-Israel in every way, but I think Israel got it wrong on this one. We need these athletes to show the world that there is more than conflict going on in the Holy Land, and I think the Olympics are a perfect platform for that. I recently had a chance to chat with the Israeli skater to get the inside scoop—Jewish sports journalism at its best.

Jeremy Fine: How long have you been skating? Where did you get your start?
Tamar Katz: I was eight years old when we moved to Washington D.C. and I began skating when I was 10. We were there until I was 13. When we returned to Israel it was hard to continue skating. There is only one real ice rink in Israel. So, my family and I relocated from Zichron Yaacov to be closer to the rink in Mitulah. It was still difficult to train because it’s not a great rink and it is shared with the hockey players, free skate, and other events. It was even closed once or twice due to Hezbollah. So, at 15 I moved to New Jersey to pursue my dream. My mother came to live with me for a while. I then moved in with Sally Wittmore, a wonderful woman who is also a Holocaust survivor. Eventually, I moved to Monsey, NY and began training with my coach, Peter Burrows. The community around me has been very supportive.

Could you have tried to represent the US in the 2010 Olympics?
Well, I have both American and Israeli citizenship. I learned English when I was eight years old. But I will always represent Israel. First, I am Israeli, then I am Jewish, then I am American.

Tamar, you have been in the news a lot recently, what exactly happened?
I qualified for the Winter Olympics to represent Israel. We had three spots in the Winter Olympics. I was the first person to represent Israel in figure skating. But my spot was taken away by (the Olympic Committee in) Israel. (The committee) has a rule that you must place within the top 12 in the European Championships (to compete in the Olympics). During the European Championships I had a viral infection. I shouldn't have competed, but I did anyway because it was my dream to represent my country. Unfortunately, I finished 21st. But in September 2009, I qualified for the Olympics at the Nebelhorn Trophy, Olympic Qualifying Competition. There, I finished seventh.

 
Why won't Israel let you compete?
Israel has an internal standard (not that of the Olympic games). I must finish in the top 12 to 14 at the European Championships. Israel has said several times that they do not want to send "tourists" to the Olympic games. They want to send people who will bring back medals. Well, I was not intending on going as a tourist and while I might not have won a medal, I think it is important for the world to see Israel compete. That is how a sport grows, through exposure.

What are you doing now?
My battle is over. Israel decided to (give) the spot I got to Australia. So, now I am trying to advocate for future Israeli athletes who want to participate in the Olympic Games. I started a Facebook group that has over 1,700 members to raise awareness. Also, my story has been picked up by many Jewish outlets.

Did the Facebook group work?
It definitely gets the word out there. Israel has never won a medal in the winter games. But I do not think it should just be about medals. This was my dream and many other will have the same dream.  I don't want this to happen to someone else.

So now that 2010 is unfortunately not going to be a reality, do you plan on trying again for the 2014 Olympic Games?
This is still very hard for me. I am still very upset now. I need some time to think about it. But I am definitely not ruling it out.

We are a Jewish blog, so I was wondering what your Jewish life is like?
Being Jewish is important part to who I am. For the 2006 Olympics there was a qualifier on Yom Kippur. I did not participate. It wasn't even a thought. Yom Kippur is a holy day.

So what is next for Tamar Katz?
I am going to compete at the World Championship in March in Italy. There will be the same competitors as the Olympics but actually more competition. Hopefully, I will do well there and prove something to everyone.

Is there anything else you would like to say?
I've had incredibly support from Boris Chait and the Israeli Ice Skating Federation who fought until the last minute so that I wouldn’t have to give up my spot.

Comment below to let me know what you think about Tamar's story.
And Let Us Say...Amen.

Learn more about Tamar at  www.tamarkatz.com . For more from Jeremy, check out  www.thegreatrabbino.com .

Last month I posted an article on Oy! that convinced you that Networking is essential to a young professional’s career.  Hopefully, it left you hungry for more details on how exactly you go about building a network.  Think of this article as Networking 201.  (If you are not already open to the idea of networking, I suggest you go back and read last month’s installment before going forward.)

4 Steps to building your network:

1. Throw Out the Net and Capture Contacts.

If you love to work the crowd, try out some of the larger networking events all around Chicago.  Just make smart use of your time.  It’s better to spend time having a meaningful conversation with 4 or 5 people than trying to attempt to meet everyone.  This way you walk away with 1 or 2 people you know you can follow up with after the event, instead of just 200 business cards.

If the big events intimidate you, it is completely fine to E-mail or call a few friends and family members to say “Hi, I’m looking to build my professional network and I was wondering if anyone knew anyone they can connect me too in the BLANK industry.”  Big warning for job seekers, do not, I repeat DO NOT ask for jobs this way because that is not the purpose of this step.  If you throw out anything in the message about needing a job or looking for a job, you will rarely be successful at building a network or getting a job.

Professional networking websites, such as LinkedIn.com have proven to be another great way to make new connections.  Start by setting up your account and connecting to those you know.  Once you are connected to someone you have access to view all of their connections.  This allows you to potentially connect with many people to whom you previously did not know you had access.

2. Make the Net Work and Contact Your Contacts

E-mail or call your potential networking contacts.  The goal is to set up a face-to-face, one-on-one meeting with your contact.  This may seem strange or unusual, but people are more open to this than you think, if you ask the right way:

“Hi Jon, it was great to meet you at the Young Professionals event last Tuesday.  I would love to buy you a cup of coffee and learn more about the work you do.  Do you have a free 20 minutes this Tuesday or Wednesday to meet?” 

“Hi Sharon, I am friends with Jill Meyers and she thought we should connect.  I recently finished my Masters in Social Work at U of C and am looking to meet more professionals in the Social Services.  I would love to buy you a cup of coffee and hear more about your Career Path at CJE Senior Life.  I am hoping to be more informed about the industry as I interview for jobs.    Do you have a free 20 minutes this Tuesday or Wednesday to meet?” 

Notice how this approach offers the two things people love most—  a free cup of coffee and a chance to talk about themselves.  Also notice how it doesn’t mention anything about getting a job.  That is a sure way to get a sure “No, thank you.”  People can easily offer you time and advice, but jobs are not something people carry around in their back pockets in case someone wants to buy them coffee.

3. Make a Profit on the Catch With Informational Interviews

Once you get the appointment, prepare for an informational interview.  Prepare like you might for a real interview.   Research this person and where they work.  Prepare questions about their work history.  Show up early and dress to make an impression.   Bring a copy of your resume, but only offer to share it if asked.  Offer to buy the coffee.

As you start networking with more and more successful people you start to pick up on patterns.  You start to figure out what you might need to do to also find success in your field.  This could be success as a job seeker in landing a job in a certain field or success as a career professional in a certain industry.

After the time allotted for the meeting (usually around 20 or 30 minutes) always remember to ask two questions. 

a. “How can I help you?”  Your new networking contact will appreciate that you made this meeting about also helping him or her.

b. “Who do you know that I might also want to talk with to learn more about this?”  If they can connect you to even one person that is all you need to keep the network growing.

4.  Maintain Your Network  

First and foremost, send a thank you note to this person within 24 hours of your meeting.  It can be an e-mail, but many people will appreciate the personal touch of a handwritten card.

Periodically, you will want to reach out to your network.  Some people feel strongly that this should be done with individual e-mails or phone calls.  Others suggest that sending a mass e-mail update, bcc of course, is just fine.  The important thing is to do something.  Unless the person is going to be helping you out regularly as a partner or mentor once or twice a year is plenty.  Just enough to let them know you are still out there and open to keeping them in your network. 

Once you get your network going it is a good idea to have a place to go to create opportunities for new contacts.  Joining an association, chamber of commerce or even a synagogue, are all great avenues for this.  Many professional associations and Chicago chambers have young professional divisions.  Synagogues are particularly great places for networking because of the large number of events and congregants they have.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be related to your field.  Maybe you like skiing, so you join an association for Chicago skiers.  Volunteering for a cause that excites you is also a great way to do something you love and continue to meet new people. 

Final Thoughts:

We use networks for all sorts of reasons.  The mistake a lot of people make is that they look for the immediate gratification.  They think that one meeting will result in a job offer or a $100,000 business deal.  If you are out for the quick gain, networking may disappoint you.  Instead, you should realize that the point is to get face time with as many people as possible and leave a positive and lasting impression.  That way the next time someone approaches someone in your network to ask “Who do you know that can do X, Y, or Z?”  They can respond, “I happen to know someone that is perfect for that job.”  That is when you know your network is working.

Looking for a networking event to attend?  Join us at "Networking with Purpose: to Build Relationships, Influence Others and Grow Professionally" presented by Stacey Hanke.  See yourself as others see you. Consciously and deliberately communicate in a way that influences others to take action, Network with a purpose and gain the courage to do so.  Held at the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago, 30 S. Wells, Chicago, on February 24 from 5:30-7:30 p.m.  Free admission, networking and refreshments. Id required. RSVP by February 19 (312) 673-3437 or  jvsccp@jvschicago.org .

Many Jewish kids have Hebrew school teachers who make Israel come alive inside their classrooms.

Joel Chasnoff, originally from Evanston and now a Jewish comedian, was one such Jewish student. At Solomon Schechter Jewish Day School, back in the second grade, his Israeli teacher, Ruti, helped forge Chasnoff’s early connection to Israel. “Ruti would sit us down and have us read Israeli newspapers and sound out the words,” he recalled. “It just made feel connected to this other place. It made me feel like I belonged there even though I had never been.”

But unlike most Jewish kids, Chasnoff took it one step further. He credits his Jewish classroom experience with helping inspire him to join the Israeli Army years later.

Chasnoff a week into basic training

His new book, “The 188th Crybaby Brigade: A Skinny Jewish Kid from Chicago Fights Hezbollah,” (Simon and Schuster), due out Feb. 9, documents his time in a combat unit in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) as a tank gunner in the Armored Corps. His unit was responsible for defending Israel’s north, including the Golan Heights and the Syrian border. His service in 1997-1998 included two months of Basic Training, two months of Tank School, three months of Advanced Warfare Training, followed by a tour of duty.

“It’s not a typical army story,” said Chasnoff, who these days is pursuing comedy in New York City and living in the Bronx with his Israeli wife and three children, 8-year-old twins girls and a 2-year-old daughter. “It’s about Jewish identity, it’s about a father/son relationship, it’s about the way Judaism is changing and how the Israel that we mythologize isn’t the real Israel.”

During his army stint, Chasnoff kept journals chronicling his army experience. “I had little notebooks that I kept in my pocket, and would write even if it was just one sentence a day,” he said. “I was ‘Twittering’ before there was ‘Twitter.’”

From the beginning, Chasnoff had strong Jewish roots. As a standup comedian, he isn’t a comedian who just happens to be Jewish. Indeed, his entire act examines his own Jewish experience, a very positive and loving one. Growing up in Evanston, he had a Conservative Jewish upbringing complete with a kosher household, Jewish summer camp, and Shabbat dinners with his parents and two younger brothers, where they “refrained from watching television, unless there was a Cubs game on.”

Despite his love for all things Jewish and for Israel, Chasnoff hadn’t always considered himself the ideal candidate for the Israeli army. He refers to himself as a short, skinny guy who isn’t exactly the warrior-type. In the eighth grade, he admits he was the only kid cut from the Solomon Schechter basketball team, “a humiliating experience made all the more shameful by the fact that I’d been cut not just from a sports team, but from a Jewish sports team,” he writes in his book.

But at age 23, despite his lack of athletic prowess, Chasnoff decided to put his comedy career on hold and join the IDF. He had his reasons—besides his inspiration from his second grade teacher. As a teen, he traveled to Israel several times, including at age 13 with his family. Then, at 17, he returned to Israel. “The Israeli soldiers were so much like us, Jewish, a lot of them from the same countries we originally came from, and yet they were so much cooler than we were,” he said. “They had guns, they were doing these mighty things that Jews were not supposed to do and that the Jews I grew up with never did. The idea of Jews that were powerful and didn’t take crap from anyone was so appealing to a 17-year-old boy, who was kind of small and skinny and short and wanted to be powerful himself.”

Chasnoff, at age 9, meeting his first Israeli soldier during his first trip to Israel

Oh yeah, and there was a girl. He met a Yemenite-Persian Israeli named Dorit at the end of college. Their relationship was growing more serious and Chasnoff knew that if he and Dorit stayed together, they would likely one day live in Israel. Since every Israeli gets drafted, he couldn’t fathom living in Israel as a “freeloader…without paying my dues” by serving the country himself.

In the army, Chasnoff was considered a lone soldier because his parents lived outside of Israel. He was also five years older than most of his comrades, who had joined the army right out of high school. He was assigned as his platoon’s soldier-in-chief, responsible for keeping track of every soldier in the platoon.

The title of his book, “The 188th Crybaby Brigade,” stems from Basic Training when, at one time, half of his platoon was in the infirmary with fake excuses and injuries—sprained ankles, stomachaches, headaches, anything—to get out of hiking, guard duty, and kitchen work. In response to their delinquency, their officer lined up the platoon and asked, ‘Who are you? Are you a platoon of Israel Defense Force combat soldiers? Or is this just Platoon Two, Company B of the One-hundred-eighty-eighth Crybaby Brigade?’

“The title represents the whole conflict of my experience of both fulfilling a lifelong dream to be one of those heroes yet, [at the same time his comrades] were nothing like the Israeli soldiers I wanted to emulate as a kid,” Chasnoff said.

In retrospect, Chasnoff is grateful that he joined the IDF because, at the end of the day, he simply loves Israel. “On just a physical land level, I love being in a place where I know my history happened. When you’re on Masada, that revolt actually happened there…I know I have something in common with just about everyone in Israel. When I get off the plane in Israel, I just feel like I’m home.”

“The 188th Crybaby Brigade” will be available on Tuesday, Feb. 9. For more information on Joel Chasnoff and to learn about his upcoming speaking engagements in Chicago, visit  www.joelchasnoff.com .

Have you been missing that certain special someone over the last few months? No, not your soul mate. I’m talking about Patti Stanger, the bold Los Angeles Jewish matchmaker who stars in her own reality show called “The Millionaire Matchmaker.”

After a long hiatus, the wait is over for the show—and maybe for your soul mate too.

The third season of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” recently premiered on Bravo. If you haven’t seen the show, chances are you aren’t a 20- or 30-something woman. On each episode, Stanger sets up two clients, millionaires or sometimes a millionairess, with potential matches. She advises her clients and their possible matches before they meet, which usually includes makeover suggestions.

Sometimes she even sends over a therapist. For instance, Stanger sets up many “Peter Pan” type men, as she calls them, who are interested in women, often Hollywood models or actresses, 20 years their junior. That search for the unobtainable, she says, is keeping them single.

For singles without the benefit of Stanger’s personalized matchmaking services, she has also recently written a book entitled “Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate” (Atria) with Lisa Johnson Mandell. In the relationship guide, Stanger offers candid advice to teach single women to empower themselves and clear the path for your perfect match. She says that those who follow her formula will find themselves in a committed, monogamous relationship with Mr. Right in less than a year.

Stanger comes from a long family history of matchmaking. Both her grandmother and mother used to fix up couples through their local synagogue. Following in their matchmaking footsteps, Stanger matched up her first couple at a seventh grade dance in her hometown of Short Hills, New Jersey, and has been pairing people off ever since.

Patti schmoozes with her staff.

The only person Stanger couldn’t seem to match up was herself. Part of her motivation for entering the business was that she “wanted to find out what I was doing wrong” after umpteen bad dates and failed relationships with Mr. Wrongs. But she finally met her match six years ago after one of the matchmakers on her staff introduced her to an eligible bachelor. Last year, he and Stanger got engaged.

Recently, Oy!’s Cindy Sher interviewed “The Millionaire Matchmaker” over the phone about what to expect on the new season of the show, some dating tips, and how Stanger finally found her own beshert.

Oy!Chicago: Who was the first couple you ever introduced?
Patti Stanger: In the seventh grade, I made my first match at Christ Church Dance. All the Jewish girls went to Christ Church Dance in Short Hills, New Jersey, to find their boyfriends and my best friend met her boyfriend that way because I introduced them. It was because the boys weren’t talking to the girls. And then, after that, I always ended up doing it for everybody else, introducing people.

You are a third generation matchmaker. Both your mother and grandmother were also matchmakers. Why did they become matchmakers?
They did it for the temple because my mom was the first divorcè in New Jersey in her community and she was embarrassed so my grandmother got her married again. When divorce became commonplace, my grandmother was the hookup. They didn’t do it for money, they just did it for love.

Why did you start fixing up millionaires?
I worked for Great Expectations (a dating service) for eight years as the director of marketing. I specialized in difficult clients and they were the rich ones. So when I came to LA during the Clinton administration, the whole millionaire thing was happening. I was doing this really to get out of credit card debt, but I also had a regular job. And then it just took off and had a mind of its own. I never realized how many millionaires there were in LA and Silicon Valley until I opened my business.

They say matching people up is one of the biggest mitzvahs. Doesn’t setting people up make you feel happy?
It’s a lot of work. If I could take the time to enjoy it, I would. It’s not what you see on camera. It’s very time consuming. We have them for a year to 14 months in our service. They can be quite temperamental. At the end of the day, I deserve all the riches in heaven.

What can we expect from the new season?
The new season has a lot more millionairesses, a lot more gay dating. There’s green dating, people who own green (environmentally-conscious) businesses. There’s an engagement on this season, Slade and Gretchen come on from “The Real Housewives of Orange County”—I actually help fix them up, Shauna comes on from last season and so does Zagros. It’s going to be very different. There are a lot of matches this season and there are a lot of tips. We realize that the viewer loves tips.

So can you give us some dating tips?
We’re giving away sex without monogamy. That’s the number one problem. It [stems from] the sixties and burning our bras, but then you want him to open the car door. You’re giving him mixed messages—you’re making money and picking up the check and then you want him to marry you. Why would he buy the house in this economy if the rent is free? He’s buying something that’s depreciated.

And if he falls away, he’s not your guy. He’s passive-aggressive and wants the woman to chase him or he met somebody else. You know who is the marrying kind from the moment you meet him, the one asking the right questions and showing up every week consistently… We know the good guys from the bad guys. We just fall in love with bad guys.

What is your advice to Jewish singles looking for the one?
I’m not a fan of marrying a girl and converting her, I’m going to tell you right now. Unless she really wants to embrace Judaism, you’re just using that as a weapon to get your bar mitzvah and your bris. Unless the person loves the whole Jewish experience of keeping Shabbos or keeping kosher or going to temple on High Holy Days, why force it down someone’s throat because she won’t allow the Christmas tree in.

…Girls are waiting for Peter Pans, so my philosophy is that if Peter Pan does not turn into your Jewish husband or doesn’t show up, would it be so awful if you married a spiritual person who is not Jewish?

Can you give us some dos and don’ts for the first date?
Have a two-drink maximum no matter what you’re drinking and don’t mix alcohol. Show up on time. Be responsible. Always bring $100 cash stash in your wallet. If it’s a blind date or an online date, you always meet them out. He should not be coming to your house. Next, don’t talk about the exes, religion, or politics and stay on neutral subjects. Don’t ask if he wants to get married and don’t ask him how much money he has in the bank and don’t let him ask you that either. Change the subject.

How do you feel about internet dating, sites like JDate?
I’m in business with JDate. I have a website called P.S. XOXO (Sparks Network owns P.S. XOXO and also owns JDate), which is for everybody, not just for Jews. But I think JDate is great. It teaches you to meet people in your own neighborhood and it teaches you to meet people that you would never normally meet. But you can’t put all your eggs into one basket. You still have to get out in public and meet people on the fly and go to parties and events and sign up for charity work and do your hobbies and interests because you can’t put everything all online.

Do you think 20 and 30-somethings aren’t as good at meeting our matches as our parents’ generation?
You have higher expectations. And when you have higher expectations because you’re making money too, you wait longer for the right one. In my generation, they got married out of necessity and didn’t expect the violins and bells and whistles as much.

Mazel tov on your engagement. How did you meet?
One of my matchmakers on staff fixed me up after I had a bad break up. I was really in a bad place and I couldn’t meet a nice guy. She said, ‘I know this guy that’s really nice, he’s not a millionaire but he’s super nice. How about going out with him?’ I met him and he was cute and all, but I didn’t think he was the guy... Then all my friends wanted to date him because he was eligible and handsome and I was like, ‘No, he’s mine. Back off.’ It took me a while to figure out that I liked him.

Watch the new season of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo at 9 p.m. on Tuesdays.

Photo credit: Matthew Marek/American Red Cross

In the wake of the catastrophic earthquake that has devastated Haiti, the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago has opened an emergency mailbox to funnel humanitarian aid to the impoverished island nation.

Individuals can contribute online, by phone at 312.444.2869, or by mail: Jewish Federation Haitian Earthquake Relief Fund, c/o Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago, 30 S. Wells St., Room 3023, Chicago, IL 60606.

100% of collected donations for will go directly to support non-sectarian needs on the ground; the Jewish Federation will absorb all administrative costs.

The majority of funds will be distributed through the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee (JDC), with its proud 95-year history of providing compassionate, effective emergency relief to the non-Jewish world. A significant part of the balance will be advanced to IsraAID, the coordinating body of Israeli charities devoted to global relief work.

“In supporting JDC and IsraAID, we are not only helping the Haitian people,” said Steve Nasatir, President of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Chicago. “We also are spotlighting the Jewish people and Israel in a part of the world that might not otherwise be positively exposed to the compassion of Jewish people and the Jewish State.”

In addition, Lee Miller, chairman, and Steven Dishler, director of Internation Affairs, of JUF's Jewish Community Relations Council have sent a letter of concern and support to The Hon. Lesly Conde, Consul General of Haiti.

The Jewish Federation has a long and distinguished track record of providing timely, non-sectarian relief in the wake of disasters throughout the U.S. and worldwide. In recent years, the institution has funneled aid to those affected by floods in the Midwest, wildfires in Southern California, earthquakes and tsunamis in Southern Asia, Hurricanes Katrina and Rita on the Gulf coast, and the September 11 terror attack.

“The Federation is proud that the Jewish community counts on us as its central address for meeting human needs of all kinds, and trusts us to serve as the conduit for their generosity,” Nasatir said.

Raspberry rugelach

When I think of the Jewish pastry rugelach, I usually picture my late, silver-haired Russian Jewish grandma—or at least someone’s Jewish grandma—flattening dough with her rolling pin in her cozy kitchen. But Leon Greenberg, a low-key, middle-aged guy from Great Neck, Long Island, doesn’t look or act anything like my grandma. He dubs himself “The Rugelach Man,” and makes rugelach as delicious as that of any grandmother I know.

This summer, Greenberg, a Chicago transplant, launched his internet-based business called “The Rugelach Man”—www.TheRugelachMan.com—creating kosher-style rugelach for the public. Business is going better than he expected, and Greenberg surpassed his year-end sales goal in September. Thanks, in large part, to a Chicago Tribune article that ran about him just before Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish holiday rush was particularly hectic. “I thought I would collapse,” he said, “I was drinking Red Bull after Red Bull to stay awake.”

Red Bull comes in handy because Greenberg often rents out industrial Chicago kitchens overnight (from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m.) to cut costs. Although he’s a one-man show, during the holidays, he got a little help from some chef friends to meet the large demand for his pastries. The rugelach costs $22 for just over a pound, and Greenberg sells approximately 25-30 pounds a week.

Facebook has boosted business for Greenberg. His fan page boasts more than 1,100 fans and some 30% of his sales come from Facebook traffic. Next, he will publish a poll on the site, asking fans to weigh in on how they pronounce “rugelach”—with a short or long “u” sound.

The Rugelach Man at work.

No matter how you say it, rugelach is a traditional Jewish Eastern European pastry that means “little twist” in Yiddish. Baking rugelach is a labor-intensive process, according to Greenberg, compared to, say, chocolate chip cookies, in which the ingredients are cheaper and take a fraction of the time to bake.

Greenberg’s rugelach involves many steps. First, he whips up the dairy-based dough with cream cheese and butter. Then, he lets the dough chill and firm up. Once hard, he rolls the dough thin, like strudel. Next, he spreads out the filling, a blend of sugars, spices, cinnamon, chopped walnuts, and raisins, combined with either apricot (the traditional rugelach filling), chocolate, cinnamon sugar, or raspberry flavor. Finally, he rolls up the dough and freezes it.

Greenberg wasn’t always “The Rugelach Man.” In his former life, he was a mortgage banker, but got out of the business due to burnout. As Greenberg searched for a new path, his girlfriend encouraged him to follow his true passion and go to cooking school.

Cooking is in Greenberg’s blood. “My mother was a fantastic cook. My sister and I would watch her in the kitchen pick things up over the years—including rugelach,” he recalls. Then, in college, instead of going out to eat, he would invite friends over for special occasions, where he would prepare big vats of spaghetti and meatballs and brisket. On Jewish holidays, instead of going to Hillel, his Jewish friends would celebrate at his place over his special holiday meals.

A few years ago, heeding his girlfriend’s advice, he enrolled in a fulltime culinary program at Chicago’s Kendall College and, simultaneously, got a part-time job as a caterer. On the side, he would make rugelach for his family, including his three children, ages 16, 10, and 8. His kids love “The Rugelach Man” shtick and help him brainstorm new flavors of the pastry, including cookies and cream, banana chocolate chip, and apples and honey, which Greenberg will debut next Rosh Hashanah.

And what does his mother, the person who taught him how to make rugelach, think of his new venture? “She thought I was crazy at first,” Greenberg said, “but she thinks it’s really something now that it’s taken off.”
For more information, visit  www.therugelachman.com .

I run a job strategy and networking group for young Jewish professionals.  At our last meeting, I found out that most of the group had made New Year’s Resolutions to do more networking.  It is a great idea, as over half of jobs out there seem to be coming through networking.  Most studies show that less than 10% come from sitting at home and applying online.  But hold on employed readers, this article is still relevant for you.  Any accomplished professional will tell you it is a good idea to keep your network going while you still have a job, because quite frankly you never know.  Happy New Year Netw-OY-rkers!  This is networking 101.

The simplest way to understand networking is to look at the word.  “net” and “work.”  Put them together and you get “network.”  It can be a noun, as in, “I have a large network.”  It can be verb, as in, “I am going out to network this evening.”  It can also be a descriptor, as in, “I am going to a networking event.”  No matter how you use the word, it all comes back to the same thing.  Throwing out a net and getting it to work for you, and at least one other person.  There are three components to knowing you are having success:  you have a net (a way to capture more contacts), the net works (meaningful connections are taking place), and there is mutual benefit for you and the person(s) you catch in this net.

It seems simple on paper, but for many of us networking is pretty scary.  It makes our stomachs churn when we picture a room full of 500 people in suits toting business cards and reciting elevator pitches.  That is just one type of networking— but it is not the only type.  If your stomach does a somersault every time someone mentions the words “networking event,” my advice, don’t always force yourself to  go.  It is perfectly practical, productive, and acceptable to build a network in a lower key manor.  Maybe you just e-mail a few friends and family members and ask them who they might know in a particular field of interest to you.  Most of us already have family and social networks.  Yes, if you have friends and family, you already have a network, so relax. 

Why should you network professionally though?  What’s the point, you have a job, you show up daily, and you get paid.  What more do you need?  Maybe you don’t have a job now and everyone is telling you to network.  And you wonder, “why do I waste time with this?  I should be spending my energy applying for jobs, working on my resume, etc.”  Before you go completely negative on networking though, consider this:  Why do you have a social network?  In other words, why do you have friends?  It is because when Saturday night rolls around, and you want to go out to dinner, it’s nice to have company. It is because when it is your birthday and you have a party, it’s nice having someone there to sing to you.

Are you catching on?  A professional network is great when you are at work and you have a project to complete and you need some help.  Sure you can go to your boss.  Would it not be more impressive to reach out to your network and see who might have some advice, a connection, or a tool that could help you finish the job easier and faster?  These connections will also come in handy if find yourself on the job search again.  These are the people who connect you to people who connect you to other people who maybe e looking for someone with exactly your skill set.

Are you still not convinced?  Think about how you got your last 3 jobs.  Now ask 3 friends how they got their last 3 jobs.  I’ll bet you my job, that the majority of the time, networking had something to do with landing those jobs.  If 60% of jobs are filled before they even get posted online, how do you think most people are finding out about them?  Networking is the key.

How does one get started with this networking business?

1. Throw out the net and capture new contacts.
2. Make the net work by asking for a 1 on 1, face to face meeting with these contacts.
3. Make a profit from the catch by treating the meeting like an informational interview.
4. Maintain the network by keeping up with those already in your network and going to places that you enjoy to continue to meet more.  A good networker finds a place they love to be already, such as professional association, a social club, or even a synagogue.  As new members join these groups the network automatically grows.

For more details on networking visit www.ParnossahWorksChicago.org and www.JUF.org for more info on networking and networking events in the Jewish community.  For contacts outside the Jewish World there are thousands of associations, chambers of commerce and groups that are having events and meetings every day.  Resolve to make 2010 the year of your network.