Ask A Nice Jewish Boy
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Jeff, a nice Jewish boy
Jeff is a graphic designer and the kind of boy your mom always wanted you to date. Last week, we offered you the chance to get advice from this self-proclaimed expert dater. This week, we bring you his answers to your questions about love, relationships and the innerworkings of the mind of the nice Jewish boy.
Dear Jeff,
Let’s say I go out with a nice Jewish boy on a two or three dates. I think he’s a really good, not-psycho guy, but I’m just not feeling the chemistry. He feels otherwise and asks me on another date. What is the best way to have the uncomfortable “I’m just not that into you” conversation with a nice Jewish boy without hurting his feelings?
Thanks,
Nice Jewish Girl
Y’know Nice Jewish girl, I love games. Board games, video games, baseball games, football games, etc. But I HATE relationship games. When you enter the “dating game” you take the chance of getting hurt. If you go out with a guy(or girl) and you’re not feeling the chemistry...end it. And end it now. Let him know the truth so he can move on to find someone who DOES match up well with him.
Believe me, I know it’s hard to end a relationship, no matter how brief it may be. And I’m guessing most people don’t do a very good job at it. You don’t want them to get hurt, but you also don’t want them to hate you. I know I’ve ended a couple relationships with about as much skill as a one-legged unicycler (sorry for the bad simile). And I’ve also been on the other end.
Maybe it takes practice to get good at it, but I hope you don’t find that out.
Are you just going to keep saying yes every time he asks you out, until you finally just blurt out two months later, “I can’t do this anymore!”? It’s nice that you’re thinking about his feelings, but if that’s true, you know what must be done.
Dear Jeff,
Settle the debate once and for all...My girlfriends and I go to lots of Jewish Chicago parties. Do you guys like to be approached by women or do men prefer the “chase.” Enlighten me, NJB!
Anonymous, Chicago
Obviously, I can’t answer for all men, but personally, I wouldn’t mind if a woman approached me at a party. If you like someone, talk to him. Yes, years ago, if a woman walked up to a guy and asked him out, a hush would fall over the crowd, as all eyes stared at this woman they all deemed “easy.” But we’re not in that time period anymore. Women...if you like a guy...ask him out. If you just sit there at the bar, staring at some cute guy, hoping that by telepathy, you can get him to walk over to you, keep on waiting. And the truth is, he’s probably just as nervous as you are at being rejected. So now you have two people at a party, who could possibly be a perfect match, but never meet because both are to shy to make a move.
That said, I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who like the rush of walking up to a girl and getting her number all on his own. But should you really count on the cute one you’ve had your eye on all night, being that guy?
Hi Jeff,
I went out with a guy who seemed great--a teacher who was dedicated to his students, a volunteer at a nursing home, etc. After we’d gone out twice, he invited me to his mom’s for Shabbat dinner, and asked me to call him mid-week to confirm the time. When I called on Wednesday, he was “in a meeting.” When I called again on Thursday, he was “unavailable.” I never heard from him again. I am happily married now, but I have always wondered what that was all about.
My first thought after reading you’re question, was “Wow!” And to be honest, I even consulted a fellow “nice Jewish boy” just to get his take on your man in question. Initially, I couldn’t tell what was going on with this guy but in the end we agreed that the answer to your question is the ever-popular phrase, “he’s just not into you.” That being said, he did a great job of being really rude, inconsiderate, etc. I’m sure you can find more appropriate adjectives.
The first red flag I noticed, was that he wanted YOU to call HIM to confirm the time. Wouldn’t it have made more sense for HIM to call YOU? In doing so, he has essentially removed himself from any further responsibility in your young relationship. All he now had to do was cleverly dodge your calls. Even seemingly great guys who volunteer at nursing homes and love teaching kids, may be really bad at ending relationships.
No matter what his true reason for his avoidance, he did you a favor. You later found a man who happily answers the phone when you call.
I have a question for “Jeff”...
Being a graphic designer sounds like a job where you have to sit stagnantly in front of a computer for a large portion of your day. How, if at all, are you able to stay fit and trim?
Signed,
MeWantFood
Great question, MeWantFood.
Indeed, I do spend many hours a day sitting in front of my computer screen, with only a few precious moments where I’m able to get up, stretch and get a quick bite to eat. With this sedentary block of time during my day, “graphic designer spread” is a serious concern for me. So how do I combat this?
Exercising, healthy eating and avoiding the single most evil food we put in our mouths...WHITE BREAD!
But if exercising gets in the way of your watching “The Hills” and those new mint flavored M&Ms keep you from eating healthier and you just can’t avoid the sweet siren song of a slice of white bread, then always remember that as a graphic designer, you have access to something even more powerful than Botox. You have the Photoshop airbrush tool. Just apply around the jowls as needed, and you’ve got yourself a perfectly fit photo.
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