Rabbi Heather Altman is a well-balanced person. Through her creation, “Rav Yoga,” she has united yoga and Judaism in a manner that is authentic to both beautiful traditions--aiming to empower, renew, and connect the body, mind, and soul. She also balances life as a yoga instructor and rabbi with the realities of being a stepmom to a 7-year-old, Haley, and a mom to 9-month-old triplets: Hallel, Emunah and Noam.
“I love to use my unique combination of roles to help prepare people for big life moments,” she says. “My favorites are wedding-day yoga with the bride and/or groom, preparation for surgery, moving through divorce, and leading Brit Bat ceremonies for baby girls.” She has recently started blogging about “the things that make me smile.”
So whether you want tips for getting in touch with yourself, being calm in stressful situations, or picking a beautiful name for your new baby, Rabbi Heather Altman is a Jew you should know!
1. What is your favorite blog or website? Diapers.com makes my life so much easier, despite the time when I started a family drama by posting on Facebook that I had 3 diapers left for 3 babies and was about to start with towels and duct tape. I also love to look at other triplet families’ sites and blogs; it is a relief to see other people whose days look the same as mine.
2. If time and money were limitless, where would you travel?
With limitless money I would have round-the-clock nanny coverage so I could have the freedom to leave my home in Chicago or travel elsewhere with or without my family. With limitless time I would start with a vacation in Hawaii, probably just for me and my husband, Jeff Block. At the right age, we’d take our girls to Israel for a year. I’d also like to go back to Italy and Greece, and then explore Japan, Thailand and South Africa.
3. If a movie were made about your life, who would play you?
Friends have suggested Natalie Portman and Sarah Jessica Parker, but I’d prefer to play myself if you can lock in Johnny Depp to play my husband. It would be a shame to make him shave his hair off for the role, but I’m sure he would wear it well.
4. If you could have a meal with any two people, living or dead, famous or not, who would they be? Where would you eat or what would you serve?
I wish I could sit with my paternal grandfather, Irving “Beansy” Altman, who we called Poppi Beansy and my husband’s maternal grandfather, Zayde Mayer Levin. My Poppi taught me a lot about people and life; and my husband speaks so lovingly of his Zayde’s influence on him. Although my favorite meal is sushi, I don’t think either of these old school men would enjoy it, so I would serve gefilte fish, matzoh ball soup, brisket and any other Ashkenazi favorites. The last time I saw Poppi Beansy alive was at the airport shortly after my ordination and a day after my first wedding. He was happy for me, but he would have just kvelled to see my career develop and to see me marry my best match, Jeff, and to meet our babies. I feel his presence and believe that he knows all about my love, my family and my work.
5. What's your idea of the perfect day?
Since I had my triplets I haven’t had a day away from them so my perfect day is a dream vacation day with sleeping in, sun and warmth, massage and sauna, a walk and yoga by the water, hours with a good book, private time with my husband, laughing with friends at night, sushi and chocolate. In a fantasy world I’d get all those things and still get some smiles and hugs from my sweet girls.
6. What do you love about what you do?
I love that my life now is all about love. My primary role is making sure that my babies are healthy, safe and happy. Caring for souls has been my work all along and now I have these three growing babies who benefit from all I have cultivated in my professional life. I love that they have taught me how to quickly sort out what is essential and what is extraneous, and how to be realistic about my commitments. I don’t waste time on situations that don’t feel 100% right. I choose the work I love and the people with whom I can be loving and generous. I love that I help people heal, that I deeply affect their souls, that I accompany souls through life, that I guide people to know and be their true selves, find their strength within and from their roots.
7. What job would you have had if not the one you have now? I created my own ideal job when I left congregational work and I love the life I created. If I did not have the full-time job of caring for my three babies right now, I would be doing the same work that I did before – leading weekend and week-long Rav Yoga retreats, offering Spiritual Direction (group and private), and leading people through ritual and ceremony. During my first pulpit I dreamed up Netivot: a Jewish Center for Growth and Healing. I actually created Netivot while at Anshe Emet. The next step of the dream is to have an actual address, and of course lots of funding so everyone can come for yoga, meditation, Jewish learning and ritual, spiritual direction and more.
8. What's your favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago? In other words, how do you Jew?
My favorite Jewish thing to do in Chicago is to go to Anshe Emet to see my friends. Many weeks, my only social time is Shabbat afternoon Kiddush. It is quite unusual for a rabbi to stop working at a synagogue and stay there as a member. I feel so blessed that we had a smooth transition and I still get to see the congregants and friends who I love. Equally unique is that my family has had the opportunity and benefit of receiving so much hesed (loving kindness) from the staff and members of Anshe Emet while I was on bed rest and then back at home with baby triplets. No words can express the degree of gratitude I have for this much needed support. I also love the live music at KFAR events and wish I could get out more to enjoy them.
Avi and Rachel Finegold say (almost) all's kosher in sex and Judaism
So here’s something they probably don’t teach you in Hebrew school: According to Judaism, sex (of all shapes, sizes and positions) between a husband and wife is not only kosher, it’s a mitzvah!
Yes, there are some rules and regulations, but not as many as you might think. And although for most religious Jews, talking about sex in a Jewish sense is taboo, especially within the Orthodox community, Rachel Kohl Finegold and her husband, Rabbi Avi Finegold, are working to demystify sex for young Jewish brides and grooms at their Lakeview synagogue.
For the past year and a half, as educational and ritual director at Anshe Sholom B'nai Israel synagogue, a Modern Orthodox shul, Rachel has been counseling new brides about traditional topics taught in Kallah classes, like how to properly use the mikvah, the practices around menstruation and the laws of Niddah (traditionally a woman must be separated from her husband starting the first day of her menstrual cycle through her seventh “clean day”). But she is taking it one step further, bringing her husband and the groom into the sessions and looking to Jewish texts to find the answers to questions about Jewish views on sexuality.
“I’m not a sex expert,” Rachel says, “but we’ve learned the Jewish text and we’re open enough to talk to people about it.”
The Finegolds aren’t the only ones embracing this new idea of sex ed. Rachel’s inspiration came from her experience at the Drisha Institute and a workshop coordinated by Drisha, JOFA (Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance) and Yeshivat Chovevei Torah titled “Demystifying Sex & Teaching Halakha: A Kallah Teacher's Workshop,” which opened her eyes to a whole new approach to talking about sex in the Orthodox community.
“The workshop had a special emphasis on sexuality which framed the way I now teach both men and women,” Rachel said.
The Sex Talk
When meeting with a new bride, Rachel spends the first few sessions on the laws of family purity, always doing a section on Judaism and sexuality.
“These women are not necessarily sexually active and have been learning what not to do and when not to do it,” she says.
Though contraception isn’t part of their main curriculum, many couples are curious about Jewish views on the subject.
“I consider this a very personal decision that a couple makes, about when they are ready to have children, and I don't offer my opinion unless it's asked for,” Rachel says. “If a couple is interested in learning, I will sometimes do an extra session just about the Jewish laws around contraception. There are many views, but ultimately there is definitely room to allow a couple to wait before having kids, if that is what they feel most comfortable with.”
She says most of the couples they meet with tend to wait a bit to have children, so she shows them the texts, explaining how Jewish law approaches contraception, specifically focusing on which modes of contraception are preferred.
For the final session with the bride and the groom, Rachel’s husband Avi joins the session to go through the Jewish sources. They usually schedule one post-wedding check-in to make sure that everything is running smoothly.
“There are important things to be said from the male perspective, from the female perspective and from hearing the two different voices,” Avi says. “By adding more people into the conversation, you end up with a large component of this demystification”
“To infuse (these sessions) with an awareness that sex is something that is beautiful, holy, fun…it normalizes it,” Rachel says. “The Talmud really is not shy, so why should we be?”
Just ask Avi and Rachel and they’ll happily point you to sources and excerpts in the Talmud that say that sex is generally OK by the Rabbis—as long as it is between a man and a women in a committed, loving relationship, of course.
Sex Laws After examining the sources, it becomes very clear how Judaism views sexual practices. For one, sex is not purely for procreation, it is to be enjoyed. Anything, (really, anything) is allowed, as long as it is something that will bring a married couple closer together. Oh, and by the way, it is a man’s biblical duty to pleasure his wife whenever she asks—this rule does not apply the other way around…
While all of these discussions of the “rules” of sexuality focus on a consensual relationship between a man and his wife, the more liberal denominations of Judaism have also applied these same ideas to unmarried couples in long-term relationships.
In fact, Avi says, the Rabbis themselves were really very open to discussions of sex until they felt the Puritanical influence from the emergence of Christianity during the medieval period. Unfortunately, the effects are still felt today, and a lot of this great, useful information is never communicated to young adults in observant, Orthodox communities.
Religious Jews can be very modest, Rachel says. And with so much emphasis on modest dress and certain taboos, it’s no wonder that people aren’t talking about sex. “Talking about sex is seen as something that ‘they’ (secular Jews) do,” she says, “when really, everybody goes home and does it.
“How many people are walking around with unsatisfied sex lives because they won’t talk about it?”
Couples often come in with misconceptions and urban legends like they can only have sex through a hole in the sheet or they think that Judaism only condones sex in the missionary position. By confronting the texts, couples learn that sex is not deviant if it makes two people feel closer to each other.
On the other hand, Rachel says, “We live in a very sexualized culture, so people feel like their sex life has to be wild and wacky. They make an effort to present that everything is normal.”
Like George Michael Says, Sex Is Natural, Sex Is Fun
So what advice do the Finegold’s have for young newlyweds?
“Don’t feel compelled to do something,” Avi says, “but feel free to go for it. Don’t take it too seriously. Sometimes you can just have fun with it and that’s okay too. Judaism wants you to have fun with it. Don’t expect that everything has to be an event. Sometimes fun sex is great sex too.”
“A lot of people say sex is not Jewish—it’s something neutral,” Rachel says. “I think what we try to say is sex is very Jewish—it’s a mitzvah. It’s not just about procreation, but there’s something about bringing two people together.”
So what is kosher sex?
“Anything that brings you together as a couple,” Rachel says,—“that’s kosher sex.”
Want to talk with Rachel and Avi Finegold? Email Rachel atrkfinegold@asbi.org.
Anyone who has ever been married, or had a serious long-term relationship, knows that there are temptations everywhere. Even the most devoutly monogamous person can find herself drawn in other directions, intrigued by the new. If you are smart, your crush remains chaste; taking the best of what is possible, breaking neither trust nor vows. After all, there is nothing wrong with building a deep friendship; even if underneath that friendship is the tacit understanding that in a different world, in a parallel reality, the boundaries would be very different. If you are less disciplined, the passion takes over and you can find yourself in a full -fledged affair of the heart.
And so it is for me.
I am very happily married to Chicago, would never dream of living elsewhere, cannot imagine a life as full or rich as the one I have here. I want to spend all of my remaining days in my glorious apartment, which could not exist anywhere but on Logan Boulevard. I need everything about this city, up to and including our ridiculous weather, our endlessly heartbreaking sports teams, our amazing culture and, it goes without saying, our spectacular food. I need it like I need oxygen. This city feeds my soul, and I am grateful everyday to live here. As much as I love traveling to far-flung reaches of the planet, even taking extended multiple month trips, Chicago waits for me, and I’ve never thought for a second of leaving it. I’m not really meaningfully me in any sense without Chicago. I am the fifth generation of my family to call the city home; Chicago is in my blood and bones.
But I’m totally sleeping with New York.
I could never be married to New York. New York is moody, and expensive, and fickle, and that bad-boy edge which is so irresistible in a lover, would be a huge impediment to making a life together. New York is impulsive, loud, brash and occasionally cruel. New York would never remember to take the garbage out, would be rude to your mother and would flirt with your best friend. New York wouldn’t always come home at night. New York would forget the mortgage payment and chip the good china. New York doesn’t apologize. But for a little something on the side, New York is both irresistible and ideal. I have a wonderful group of friends there, people to play with. A great spa where I can get a mani/pedi almost as good as Margaret’s at EBella. A hairdresser who can give me a blowout almost as good as Michael’s at Fringe. I have a regular hotel where they know that I like the rooms that end in the number 10, down pillows not foam, extra towels, and a fridge in the room.
And if you, like me, despite your deep and powerful love and connection to your hometown, occasionally need a wicked little fling…New York is the place to sow your outlaw oats.
In the past few years I’ve been spending more and more time in the Big Apple, traveling there for work and play, sometimes as often as once a month. I’ve gotten past the awkward first stages of the relationship, when you are on pins and needles all the time, not really quite yourself, unsure and a little lost, still jumping out of bed first thing in the morning to fix your hair and brush your teeth. I’m now solidly in the best stage, when you feel like you can be yourself, are free and uninhibited, when you know your way around and have figured out exactly what works best. I know where things are, which streets to take, when to jump on the subway and when to hail a cab--and most importantly, where to eat.
Here is just a small round up of some of my favorite New York spots; these are places that are dependable, places that I have been to with regular success and joy. Some will be familiar to you; some are the kinds of places that only locals really know about. All will deliver for you. But be careful…New York is powerfully seductive, visit at your own risk.
The Morning After:
Breakfast/Brunch
Norma’s (in the Parker Meridian Hotel)
118 W. 57th @ 6th Ave.
Pricy, but worth it. Succulent eggs, amazing French toast, perfectly crispy bacon, and they bring the hot chocolate with a whole separate bowl of whipped cream on the side. Enough said.
The Cupping Room
Corner of Broome and West Broadway
Charming little café, you’ll have to wait on the weekends, but they turn their tables pretty quickly and the wait is worth it. I go for the omelets every time, and the breads are spectacular.
H&H Bagels
2239 Broadway @ 80th St.
1551 2nd Ave. between 80th and 81st
The classic New York bagel.
Gossiping with the Ladies: Lunch
For some reason in New York, for lunch I always seem to want French bistro food. And they have some of the best! Here are my top three:
Balthazar
80 Spring St. between Crosby and Broadway
Yes, this place was heavily featured in Sex and the City, and continues to be a scene, but it also has spectacular basic French bistro lunches. If you’re starving, go for the classic onion soup and the Croque Monsieur, the best grilled ham and cheese ever. I prefer the sautéed skate wing with brown butter or one of the salads. And if you are really hungry, hit the steak frites, great juicy steak with a pile of perfect crisp fries.
Café Cluny
284 W. 12th St. @ West 4th St.
I know it so isn’t French, but they have one of the best burgers I have ever tasted. Ditto the lamb Bolognese. And don’t skip their take on the warm goat cheese salad…this has watercress and green apples and a terrific shallot vinaigrette.
Café Luxembourg
200 W. 70th @ Amsterdam
Chicken paillard. Full stop. And start with whatever the soup of the day is, they are all fantastic.
If you are in the mood for New York Deli, you aren’t going to beat Katz’s, 205 E. Houston St. @ Ludlow St. And yes, you can sit at the table where Meg Ryan faked her famous orgasm. Hit the corned beef or pastrami hard, grab a matzo ball soup, and either a Black Cherry, Cream Soda, or Cel-Ray tonic. Perfection.
And for something a little different, try Cabana for Cuban food, 1022 3rd between 60th and 61st, the best black beans and rice in the city, and classic entrees like arroz con pollo and paella. I like to go and just order appetizers for lunch, especially the beef empanadas, and the tostones rellenos with chicken.
A Little Nibble: Afternoon Snacks
New York is a walking city, and you are going to need sustenance. Never be afraid to grab a hot pretzel or a Gray’s Papaya hot dog along the way. But these places are worth making a special trip for:
Alice’s Tea Cup
156 E. 64th and Lexington
220 E. 81st between 2nd and 3rd Aves.
102 W. 73rd between Amsterdam and Columbus
I go for either crepes (Nutella with bananas, or strawberries with whipped cream) or scones with cream and jam, and a pot of tea. A great place to go with kids, their “menu for the small” is fun, and you’ll be tempted to order off it yourself.
Magnolia Bakery
401 Bleeker @ W. 11th St.
200 Columbus @ 69th St.
I know that everyone talks cupcakes here, and do not mistake me, they are serious contenders. But for me, it is all about the banana pudding. Fresh vanilla custard layered with Nilla wafers, fresh bananas and whipped cream. Get the small cup, it is too rich for more.
Rice to Riches
37 Spring St. between Mott and Mulberry
Rice pudding. All rice pudding all the time. Sixteen daily flavors that change, amazing toppings like roasted peaches and cherries and buttered graham cracker crumbs. Chic little spot to rest for a half an hour in the afternoon, or to hit for dessert after dinner. My favorites are: chocolate hazelnut, caramel, traditional vanilla, and peanut butter. I know many of you are saying “I don’t like rice pudding.” And to you I say, yes, you do, you just don’t know it yet.
Minamoto Kitchoan
608 5th St @ 49th (enter on 49th)
Gorgeous traditional Japanese sweets. Not your usual snack, and some very unique flavors, but these little jewels are tasty pieces of art. I especially love the whole cherries suspended in peach jelly.
Payard
1032 Lexington between 73rd and 74th St.
The bistro is good, but pricy, but the pastries are totally worth an afternoon visit. Basics like éclairs are always delish, but try some of the classic macaroons. Glorious.
The Big Date: Fancy Dinner
DB Bistro Moderne
55 W. 44th between 5th and 6th Aves.
Daniel Boulud can do no wrong, in my eyes, and the food in this warm lovely room is impeccable. I start with the orechiette pasta with lamb ragu and goat cheese, and the arugula salad is a triumph. The halibut with cauliflower risotto is amazing, and the hanger steak (one of my favorite cuts) is transcendent. But if you’re craving classic French, you’ll never find a better Coq Au Vin or Blanquette de Veau. I could eat here every night, although it would put me in the poorhouse. Let them recommend a wine, the white burgundy they suggested last time I was there was beyond perfect. And be sure at least one person at your table gets the Apple Tarte Tatin for dessert.
Perilla
9 Jones St. between Broadway and 6th Ave.
For you Top Chef fans, this is Harold Dieterle’s (winner of season one) restaurant and he clearly won for a very good reason. His food is amazing. I start with either the crispy pork belly, the seared scallops or the duck meatballs…all beautiful and complex without being fussy. For entrée’s, the game hen is juicy, wrapped in bacon and anointed with pomegranate molasses, resting on a bed of perfect spaetzle. The steamed black bass is ethereal, and makes you feel almost virtuous. And the braised Elk osso bucco is a dish so good you want to jump in it. Get a side order of Brussels sprouts leaves. And for dessert, the vanilla doughnuts and sticky toffee pudding will fit the bill.
Alto
11 E. 53rd St. between Madison and 5th Ave.
Chef Michael White, formerly of Spiggia and Fiamma is an old family friend, lucky for us, and does fine-dining Italian better than anyone. For appetizers, get the scallops or the octopus. Pasta is all done in-house and is uniformly amazing, extra points for the butternut squash ravioli, the duck and chestnut maccheroni, and the gnocchi (and I am not a gnocchi fan!). If you’re in the mood for fish, go for the branzino with black olives, and if meat is on your mind either the rack of lamb or the veal chop will make your night. Save room for dessert, the torrone is rich with chocolate and hazelnut, and bombolini lemon custard filled doughnuts will haunt your dreams.
The Less Big Date: Moderate Dinner
Fabio Piccolo Fiore
44th between 2nd and 3rd Aves.
This is your basic Italian restaurant with a twist…if you don’t see it on the menu, they will make it for you. Really. Their menu dishes are very good, veal marsala or piccata, excellent pastas, the menu won’t surprise you, but you will find plenty to choose from. But I come here when I most wish I had a kitchen. When I’m sad that I can’t just make something simple for myself. On my last visit I looked at my waiter and said “ I need pappardelle, light sauce…just some olive oil and lemon, no garlic, maybe some chicken breast and, um, zucchini?” Without even pausing he said “Very good, some capers, yes?” Sigh. “Yes, please.” The dish arrived, was topped with a flurry of Parmesan, and was exactly what I wanted. Moist chunks of chicken, zucchini slivers perfectly cooked, al dente pasta and just the barest anointing of lemony sauce with a scattering of capers. Almost like being at home.
Josie’s East
565 3rd Ave. between 37th and 38th Sts.
This is always where I go when I’m meeting vegetarian friends. The organic cooking has plenty that is great for veg-heads and carnivores alike, and they often have innovative specials on the menu. Start with the potato-broccoli dumplings or a salad. I love both the roasted chicken and the rib eye, and my vegetarian buddies swear by the tofu with fried brown rice and veggies.
Prune
54 E. 1st St. between 1st and 2nd Ave.
Intimate and cozy, this East Village gem is worth making a special trip for. The roasted marrowbones are an amazing luxury, and the Parmesan omelet is a unique starter. For entrees, I go for the roasted capon, which is chicken to the tenth power, and the lamb blade steak, a great and often overlooked cut. For side dishes, try the cardoons, which taste like the perfect combination of artichoke and celery, and the bitter greens are a bright and fresh accompaniment to the rich meats. Stick to the fruit desserts, I like the apple galette in its own caramel, and the fried sugared figs.
The Cheap and Easy: Inexpensive Dinner
Sometimes you don’t want to dine, you just want to eat. Whether picking up to take back to the hotel, or just grabbing something quick before the theater, you shouldn’t have to end up at some fast food grease palace.
Ippudo
65 4th Ave. between 9th and 10th streets
If you’ve only ever eaten ramen as those salty packaged blocks we all survived on in college, you’ve never really eaten ramen. And frankly, for a good quick meal on the go, a bowl of hearty broth with great noodles and add-ins can’t be beat. I love the Pork Ramen Classic - Shiomaru Moto Sji Ramen with Berkshire pork chashu, cabbage, and scallions. They also have versions with miso broth instead of pork broth, and a vegetable version. Yum.
Grand Central Market
Grand Central Station, Lexington Ave. between 44th and 43rd Sts.
Am I actually recommending you grab dinner in the train station? Hella yeah. Grand Central Station has the best freaking food court and market I’ve seen, and you can get the perfect NY breakfast, lunch, snack or dinner. Best of all, you can wander and cobble together a great meal from several different vendors, so if you want famous Junior’s cheesecake after your rotisserie chicken, its right there for you. Dishes, in the Marketplace on the upper level has great prepared foods, and on my last trip, in need of a decent meal I could take back to the hotel, I picked up a rosemary lemon chicken breast, tomato and smoked mozzarella pasta, and a fennel salad. A roll from the nearby bakery, and a piece of fruit from the produce stand, and I could feel sated and healthy, and very deserving of a night in with the Turner Classic Movie channel.
Moonstruck Diner
400 W. 23rd St. at 9th Ave.
Classic diner menu, good service, reasonable prices. Eat in or take out. I love the patty melts…but you’ll be fine with any of the basic menu items.
If you have favorite New York haunts, be sure to share with the class.
And don’t worry. If you decide to have your own affair with New York, I promise not to tell Chicago.
NOSH of the week: This is plenty of food, so this week, if you’re tempted to head to NY for a romp and don’t have a couch to crash on, you’ll need to get a decent night’s sleep. I have become very loyal to the Fitzpatrick Hotels. They have one on Lexington between 56th and 57th street, and one on 44th between Lexington and 3rd Ave. A small Irish hotel group, both of these Midtown locations are lovely and with their own unique charm, and both are walking distance to Grand Central Station, which is my best hub for getting around (the Shuttle to Times Square is a godsend). Impeccable friendly service, comfy beds, decent sized-rooms for NY (expect smaller than you are used to by Chicago standards) and very reasonable prices. Not over the top luxury, but for business travel, you’ll find yourself comfortable and well taken care of.
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